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Renee Jordan · Dec 10, 2008, 08:40 PM

I'm convinced that my husband no longe desires me. We have been in marriage counseling and I believe this has made him see that he is bored with me and our goals are eh same. I hurt and just want to become free of my love for him.

jjwoodhull · Dec 10, 2008, 08:59 PM

Are you sure he doesn't want to be with you? Have you discussed it with him? When you say he is bored - do you mean sexually or with your life together in general?

KBC · Dec 10, 2008, 09:15 PM

Originally Posted by Renee Jordan

and our goals are eh same. I hurt and just want to become free of my love for him.

?our goals are eh same,is this THE same.

You want to be free of your love,You still love him,but he isn't interested in you anymore?

Renee Jordan · Dec 11, 2008, 03:54 AM

After several weeks of marriage counseling and he has not followed through with any of the counselors suggestions, he now says that he thinks our marriage is falling apart. When I try and talk with him becomes frustrated. He shows little to know enthusiaum in being with me. Sexuallly and he never plans anything for us. I do believe he is bored with me.

KBC · Dec 11, 2008, 05:55 AM

How long have you been married?

How old were you when you GOT married?
Any kids?

Are there money issues?

These are typical questions about relationships/marriages.

How many counseling sessions have the two of you been to?

What are his reasons/explanations during a talk about a trip to the councilor?

Just trying to get a better picture on what we are talking about.

liz28 · Dec 11, 2008, 06:20 AM

I think it's good that the two of you at least tried to see what your can do to make this marriage last by seeing a marriage counselor because most couples don't. However, it is sad to hear that he isn't trying some of the suggested ideas from your counselor to make this marriage work and I am sure that he/she gave your some good ideas.

How long have your been married and have anything dramatic happen to him recently?

Sometimes people grow apart, I don't know why but they do. Falling in love is easy but letting go is hard because it seems like your mind only focus on the good times instead of what is happening now. Letting go is a process and you will go through different phrases but in the end you might still love that person but you will not be in love with that person, that's the difference.

In the end you need to do what is right for you because staying in a loveless marriage can lead to some mental issues like depression. Maybe, if possible, you should go away for a while. Even if it a short getaway it will do a lot for you mentally and give you a chance to sort things out. Also, a support group might help too because your be able to get support from other women who are in similar situations as you. Get your mind off things by hanging out with friends and take up some new hobbies because that can help you with your healing.

The last thing that could happen here is divorce but let that be a last option. What does your counselor say? You stated that your only been in counseling for several weeks but maybe your can go to joint and indivual counseling and sometimes counseling can take longer for couples but he should be trying some the ideas suggested. Him not wanting to talk things out isn't good because no matter what communication is the key above anything else.

Renee Jordan · Dec 11, 2008, 11:00 AM

Originally Posted by KBC

How long have you been married?

How old were you when you GOT married? 40 years old (2nd marriage)
Any kids? 1 daughter, 1 step-daughter, Mine 21 and out of the house, His 16 and lives with her mother

Are there money issues? Taken some hard hits this year, but still in better shape than most

These are typical questions about relationships/marriages.

How many counseling sessions have the two of you been to? 7 sessions

What are his reasons/explanations during a talk about a trip to the councilor? He said he wasn't aware that there was a problem.

Just trying to get a better picture on what we are talking about.

Answers above
Now that we have been seven sessions, he is starting to say he feels lost. That he is no longer himself. This statement wasn't in a session, but with me this week. I have pretty good perception and body language of people (career in HR) and his disinterest in me and our home is pretty obvious. However, he is very passionate about his toys, hunting, fishing, or maybe a conversation with someone that he finds interesting. He doesn't like to face problems. Can very much zone out about anything that can be a problem. Head in the sand and will ignore until a larger problem results. I'm not a nag, give him plenty of play time (really don't think he is having an affair), but I feel taken for granted. Everything is left up to me. House, bills, kid stuff, etc. He used to travel internationally with his job. His daughter wanted to live with us for a year and he changed positions and says he doesn't want to travel anymore. The travel and/or alcohol caused us some issues during that time, trust was compromised.

KBC · Dec 11, 2008, 11:17 AM

So there is alcohol involved then.

Do you think he has a problem with drinking?

And a side idea,this sounds like a lot of guys,no home responsibilities,don't want to deal with '''taking out the trash, laundry,dusting(whatever that is... :p ) etc'''

But to neglecting you is NOT what marriage is supposed to be about.

jjwoodhull · Dec 11, 2008, 11:18 AM

Can you remember what the two of you used to do together before you got married? Maybe try to go back to those things. Surprise him with a fun activity that you can do together. Try to remind each other of why you feel in love.

juhi2011 · Dec 16, 2008, 03:10 AM

Hi,

Since as you said that your age is 41.. that means you are having quite good exp of life than me. Well I had concentrated only on your question "how to fall out of love". So here's my answer...

It's a simple philosophy that, when you start loving some and he leaves u, u need to have a replacement. Because, though many people disagree to believe the fact but this is true that it is not actually the love for that particular one person but that is a feeling which one posses and which always remains within, no matter that particular person is with you or not.
So your problem is that, that "love" feeling is still within you but not being used for nyone, that is why you are feeling that you are still in love with that person.

My suggestion to you is that, besides killing that feeling from within (which you cannot do) start searching someone to whom you can give your love. That someone need not be a male only. He can be anyone... even a child. If you feel you can get yourself involved in some charity work. This will give soul satisfaction

Do reply me if you find any sense in my answer... all d best

juhi2011 · Dec 16, 2008, 11:23 PM

Originally Posted by liz28

I think it's good that the two of you at least tried to see what your can do to make this marriage last by seeing a marriage counselor because most couples don't. However, it is sad to hear that he isn't trying some of the suggested ideas from your counselor to make this marriage work and I am sure that he/she gave your some good ideas.

How long have your been married and have anything dramatic happen to him recently?

Sometimes people grow apart, I don't know why but they do. Falling in love is easy but letting go is hard because it seems like your mind only focus on the good times instead of what is happening now. Letting go is a process and you will go through different phrases but in the end you might still love that person but you will not be in love with that person, that's the difference.

In the end you need to do what is right for you because staying in a loveless marriage can lead to some mental issues like depression. Maybe, if possible, you should go away for a while. Even if it a short getaway it will do alot for you mentally and give you a chance to sort things out. Also, a support group might help too because your be able to get support from other women who are in similar situations as you. Get your mind off of things by hanging out with friends and take up some new hobbies because that can help you with your healing.

The last thing that could happen here is divorce but let that be a last option. What does your counselor say? You stated that your only been in counseling for several weeks but maybe your can go to joint and indivual counseling and sometimes counseling can take longer for couples but he should be trying some the ideas suggested. Him not wanting to talk things out isn't good because no matter what communication is the key above anything else.

Hey liz, why do you alwaz talk about dipression

talaniman · Dec 17, 2008, 12:04 AM

I can imagine he doesn't see any problem, as he is having a great time, and all due respect so should you be.

When the nest gets empty, that means time for you so take advantage of it, and get a life you enjoy with friends, and activities, and stop trying to tie your happiness to him.

Its important to be happy with who you are, and do things for yourself. I suspect he'll come around, and want to share some of that happiness.

It could also give you a better, more positive perspective, in which you see him, and your life.

How do I fall out of love?

Don't fall out of love, fall in love with yourself.