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Akeginu · Dec 10, 2008, 06:56 PM

Hi. I've been dating this great guy online for a few months. It's been so wonderful. He lives in Washington, and I live in New York. We are going to go on vacation together soon, but there has just been something on my mind that has been killing me. How can I make this relationship work? How can I keep him interested? I've had an online relationship before... after I moved back from Washington to New York, and it ended because of the move...

My current boyfriend and I have talked about possibly moving in together in the near future. He is on his last semester in school, and he would be willing to relocate.
Are there things that I should be doing?

Is this relationship bound to fail?
I've never had good luck with relationships!

Thanks in advance

- Akeginu

TrueFaith · Dec 10, 2008, 07:02 PM

Hello there :) all relationships are hard

And be they online or not we still wonder if they are going to fail..

I think you should do what is right for you. If you feel you want to give it a shot with this guy then go for it.
I'm not sure how long you guys know each other. Or how long you have been dating online

But it is always nice to have a date set. For a L.D.R

Say in 4 months you move in together that gives you something to work for.

Just don't pack up everything for him. And make your life his life. And you will be fine.

If you guys are willing to work together. And enjoy spending time with each other
Then all the best.

SimpleguyJoe · Dec 10, 2008, 10:38 PM

In my opinion anything that's suppost to be done offline: relationships and everything that goes with them fails terribly when switched to online.

But I know that LOTS of people have met their husbands and wives online so if it feels right to you go for it. But MAKE SURE YOUR BEING SAFE ONLINE!.

talaniman · Dec 10, 2008, 11:54 PM

Can you explain how you date online??

Grayfox · Dec 11, 2008, 06:04 AM

I mean, it isn't bound to fail if you are planning to relocate. However, I wouldn't pursue this relationship any longer if this relocation isn't a guarantee in the near future.

Akeginu · Dec 11, 2008, 09:37 AM

It was not planned. I didn't necessarily go online looking for a boyfriend. I met him through a gaming site, and we became really good friends. I started growing feelings for him, and I've fallen in love with his personality. We talk on the phone a lot, and via messengers. It's very disappointing that we cannot be physically together.

This all seems cheesy to me as well. The first time I had a long distance relationship was when I was already dating a guy, and then I moved.. We thought we could make it work, but eventually it just fell apart.

We have already talked about wanting to move in together, but we did not really make any solid plans. I still want to get done with Med. School.

In answer to : Can you explain how you date online??
I guess it's not really dating, since we cannot do things that regular couples do. Things like going out for dinner, or anything physical... However, the feelings are there. I have someone there for me emotionally, and someone to share my thoughts with. I know! It's so frustrating/embarrassing for me to even talk about this.

It's the beauty of the internet. It brings like-minded people together, but keeps them apart! Haha<3

kctiger · Dec 11, 2008, 09:40 AM

Don't be embarrassed. People do it all the time. Whatever makes YOU happy is the important thing, and having someone there, even if it is just emotionally, goes a long way.

Ber Rabbit · Dec 11, 2008, 10:46 AM

I wouldn't live together right off the bat after meeting in person. He can re-locate if willing and live with some roommates or on his own so you two can get to know each other better. I had a friend who proposed to a woman he knew over the internet and only over the internet. He proposed online without ever meeting her. They finally met in person, dated two weeks and got married. It was over within a year because she wasn't who she had made herself out to be online and on the phone.

You can always move in together after he's been in town several months. It's just a lot less messy to break up when you don't live together.
Ber

white-rose · Dec 11, 2008, 11:17 AM

Wow could be farther away? On opposite sides of the coutry that's crazy. I think if one of you moved to the same place it would work out. You need to spend time together for it to work, I know from experience, online dating won't work unless you are really together.

Akeginu · Dec 11, 2008, 11:26 AM

Hmm. I guess that is a good idea. We will be meeting this month for the first time. I've seen him on webcam. I just hope he is the same person online as he is in real life as far as personality goes. This is such an awkward situation and confusing situation. I always have doubts, but he always assures me that it will be fine.

I guess I'll just see how everything goes. It's not like there is much I can do at this point.
Thanks everyone <3

starbuck8 · Dec 11, 2008, 11:58 AM

You just never know if it will work or not. LDR's have extra added problems that take more time and work than you usual close proximetry relationships. Throw into the mix that you have never personally met, and that's a triple whammy.

I definitely agree that you should not move in together right away when he moves there. You have to be very careful these days with people you meet online. Some people can play a con game really well! Not just people you meet online, but anyone! You only know his voice over the phone, and his face on webcam.

I'm not trying to be a downer, but just be very careful, and pay close attention to things. The person online, just may not be the same in person.

Ber Rabbit · Dec 11, 2008, 12:34 PM

As long as you go into this with your eyes wide open it's one of lifes adventures and you're getting out there and living which is a good thing. Worst case scenario he turns out to be a serial killer and when you meet he hacks you into little pieces, cleans out your bank account and disappears. Best case scenario he turns out to be the perfect man for you and you live happily ever after.

Somewhere between the two is where your path will fall. Protect your safety, your finances and your credit rating/identity and get out there and have some fun ;)
Ber

talaniman · Dec 11, 2008, 01:35 PM

I started growing feelings for him

Translation-You have filled in the blanks based on how you feel and how nice the phone conversations have been.
Reality-He is a stranger you've been talking to, and the fact is you don't know if what he is saying is true, or know him well enough to trust him at all.

I've fallen in love with his personality

Translation-You like what you have heard so far.
Reality- You really don't know anything about him, or his habits, only what he has told you, or if he is being straight up honest, or putting his best foot forward, or telling you what you want to hear.

Get the facts before you run head first into a brick wall. Go slowly when you meet, and be objective, alert, and not blinded by what you THINK is love.

Talaniman Rule- Never run head first into the unknown, there may be a brick wall behind the curtain.

Talaniman Rule- Never run full speed, head first, into a brick wall, go slowly and see if their is a door, ladder or rope, to get thru, or over it.

Talaniman Rule #2- Never doubt your head, is not as hard as that brick wall.

Protect yourself!!!

kctiger · Dec 11, 2008, 01:38 PM

Where can we get the book on the Talaniman rules? I am having problems keeping up with them! Is it published :)

hurtingintx · Feb 5, 2011, 01:41 PM

I met someone online you called me every morning, texted me during the day. He was always there for me emotionally. I met him while playing a game on pogo. After almost 4 months I received a letter from someone telling me he was married. I had deep feelings for him but this news hurt me deeply. After looking back I often wonder how he managed to call and text without his wife knowing.