[cguy]

Hello,

Well here's the story. Bare with me.

We are young (please do not use this part as a reason), and we started dating when she was only 15 and I was only 16. We were both VERY mature for our ages, being she had been home schooled most of her life, and I had just matured through my families Entrepreneural lifestyle.

Anyway, we had been dating exclusively for about a year when some major problems between here parents happened. As I don't want to give specifics, I will just conclude that they ended up divorcing, and her mom moved across the states and she went with her.

I was already planning on moving out of my house at 17, as I was ready to become 'a man' if you want to call it that. I felt I was old enough, responsible enough, and eventually became an emancipated youth.

I moved across the states about 3 months later to where she had moved (we had talked on the phone everyday for those 3 months and the absence was very depressing to say the least). We moved in together (she was 16 I was 17) shortly after into my apartment.

We did that for a little over two years, and then recently about 6 months ago we moved back to the original place we had met and started our life there. I said I was from a business minded family, and I had started enough small companies to easily cover our monthly bills. We had planned to get married eventually, and were getting ready to buy a nice big house.

Then it happened. My girlfriend went to visit here Mom and when she got there, she started acting very differently. I could tell something was wrong, and she eventually told me she wanted to try her life out independently, and leave our life, as well as our relationship, behind. She flew back for about two weeks, and then she left again, to start her new 'independent' life.

I was supportive of the entire thing, as I did not want here to stay with me, and then regret not trying indepence a few years down the line when we were even more involved (aka settled) as we already were.

My problem is, it's been almost two months now, and it only seems to be getting worse. I figured it would be a few months, she would probably miss me, and then we'd get back together. But since she's left, she seems to be trying to push me away, and she seems to just keep pushing. I'm not sure how far she wants to push me away, but I almost feel if I let her push me away any further we wouldn't talk for months. She is now saying she doesn't see herself even thinking about being with me again for at least another six months... how can she tell she won't a whole 6 months in advance??

I do honestly love this girl, and I have no desire or even a curiousity to be with anyone else. I am very different than your typical 20 year old as I'm sure you can see from the little you know about me.

Anyway, I love this girl, and I want to be with her. I supported her indepence thing, but I do not want to support it so much that we quit speaking altogether! What should I do? How should I act? How do I get this girl to miss me?? :confused:

I do not have many friends, as I am far beyond where I should be at 20, and I think most of the people I associated with couldn't relate and were slightly envyous. I do not have an activities going on besides my usual one of trying to build more businesses, but that leaves me thinking about my future all day long. So now it's really driving me nuts! My depression level I have been able to hold off so far by improving myself further, but it is starting to catch up fast and I find myself becoming worse and worse drastically by the minutes.

Any advice you can give me would be fantastic. I am lost, confused, hurt, and afraid of what will happen if she does decide she never wants to be with me again. I don't have any support, so you guys are pretty much my last shot.

I appreciate all comments, and I thank you for caring enough to take some time from your day to help me.

-C

[jeffatl]

I HATE to say it, but I went through something VERY similar. My EX went on a trip, and everything was cool until her mom came to visit her. My EX pulled the whole "I need to see what its like on my own for a while" bit as too. We were together for 5 years when that happened... 2 months after we broke up, she was engaged to someone else, and 5 months later... she married him! I would say cut contact with her NOW! You are a YOUNG guy, and things will only get harder for you if you torture yourself over her. You need to tell yourself "shes not coming back!" if she does... great, but for now don't try and win her back. Let her be, and do some things to make yourself happy for a while. Keep your head up, and LISTEN to what people on here tell you! Things would have been A lot easier for me if I did. This was about a year ago for me, and I am doing just fine! Good luck man, we will ALL try and help you the best we can!

[Krs]

I agree with Jeffatl.
Always prepare yourself for the worst! That way you don't get too hurt!

You two did probably grow up too quick before you had too, from how you explained your story.

You said not to use the being young part as a reason but I'm afraid to say that I could be a lot to do with what is going on. Unfortunately she may feel that she didn't have time to feel what its like to be independent, although you have no urge to find out, everybody is an individual, we are all different and sometimes seek different things in life.

You are only 20, you have a whole life ahead of you, to worry about business's and being all grown up. Enjoy your life!

Time does heal.

[cguy]

Thanks for the feedback Krs.

@jeffatl - Your story makes me feel a whole lot better about my story. For the wrong reasons, but you make my story sound soft and bareable compared to what you had to go through. While I doubt my story will end up even close to yours, I will follow the advice that followed as best as possible.

The problem with your, "I would say cut contact with her NOW" is that I actually have two businesses I developed with her that we both still work on. I am in charge of certain operations, and she is in charge of others. Any suggestions on that one? Hehe

Please keep the advice coming.

@Krs - I am only 20 physically, but I have ranked mentally with that of a 38 year old (seriously... I took some tests). My whole life ahead of me to me is buying the house we were going to get, and taking my girlfriend on lavish and romantic vacations (thanks to WiFi Internet and a Laptop). I do not like to do what others my age do, which would be party and go to clubs. All my friends work and/or go to school, and when they are not they are drinking or partying in some sort of way. It's not me. I would love some suggestions on other ways to enjoy my life from you.

Thanks again everyone.

[Krs]

Its good that you are very mature for your age :) honestly!

But think about this thoroughly, OK, you are now physically aged 20 but mentally aged 38. When you get to the physically age of 38 you will be mentally aged 56. How does that sound? Mmmm, think about it. Life is short ( as I say ) so make the most of it.

Its great that you are planning your future ahead of you and you already have a business to set your life with lavish things, that's superb honestly!

No play - No gain! ;).

Im 27, married. Been married for 2 years, meet my future hubby when I was 19 and he was 22.
We lived the life, went on holidays together, travelled round England, and we did party, we like to party, we still do, we like to spend a lot of quality time alone together but then we love being around friends and drinking together.

[fredg]

Hi, cq,
I am 64, married 29 yrs.
Love comes and goes, in life, as I am sure you know. At 20 yrs old, you did not mention anything about education. You have a High School Diploma?
Any college or thoughts about it?
Things seem to be going great for you now, but for future advancement, and more pay, I do hope you consider more education, if you don't have it already.
Best wishes.

[phillysteakandcheese]

I am only 20 physically, but I have ranked mentally with that of a 38 year old...

Your background and leadership skills might natuarally have given you a controlling and dominant personality. If her mentality level doesn't match your 38 year old one, she's probably feeling smothered. From her perspective - She just got out on her own, away from her parents, only to now move into your house... Maybe she wants her own house and a life beyond what you hand to her?

I would simply let her go and give her time.

You can't wait for her forever, but you also cannot expect her to get all the freedom she needs in her life from just 8 weeks away.

[Cassie]

Maybe, just maybe, if your mind is of a 38 year old, you act that way with her. It sounds as though both of you skipped your teenage years of less responsibilities and having some fun. She may be looking for some of that now. A possibility is to ask her on a date and do something out of the ordinary and fun.
You could go on with your life as if she is not in it and see where it leads you, she may come back and she may not. You may not want her back in a few months.
You sound as though you make goals in life and keep them, she may not be able to keep up with you and you will find someone that has the sames drive as you.

Good luck, you seem as though you will do well in anything you decide to do.

[cguy]

@Krs - Well hopefully my 38 year old mentality will stay at 38. 56, although there is nothing wrong with being 56, doesn't sound too interesting to me at the moment. Hehe

@fredg - I do have a High School Diploma. I graduated two years ahead of my class. Regarding college, it is not for me. I was raised to think differently, and I am a firm believer that college teaches you to be an employee, not an individual. I already have more passive income than most college graduates, and with my future ideas, I feel I am very comfortable. I do learn a lot still, just through online learning and business courses I purchase instead of college units.

@phillysteakandcheese - Your name makes me kind of hungry. I think I'll grab some breakfast after I finish responding. :) I have to say I like what you said. You may have a great point in there. I do not think I have a dominant or controlling personality, as always allowed here to make her own decisions, but I did sometimes act like a parent in some rare occasions. She went through a very tough time in her life, and I guess I was trying to look out for her so she didn't have to go through anything more. I will definitely give her time, but what do you mean by 8 weeks? :confused:

@Cassie - Thanks for your response. I did actually talk to her about the possibility of a date, and she did seem like she would be OK with it. Although I do want to give her some more time before I try seeing her again, I will definitely give that a go. The only problem is she is about 600 miles away right now, so I have to plane it to see her. I do think you nailed her mindset perfectly. That seems like what she has been doing exactly. I would love to hear some more insight from your perspective Cassie.

The only problem with my leading my own life for awhile is that like I mentioned in my first post, all I really do now is work on developing business. I have been developing myself, working out, building my income level even further, and developing my style, but since I am at home 99% of the time, all I really do when I'm working is think about US all the time.

Thanks again everyone.

[Cassie]

I have always been the very responsible one, tend to work a bit too much, goal oriented, and someone pointed out to me that I needed to relax, have childlike fun sometimes. I have always had a positive attitude and laugh a lot, but to cast aside all responsibilities for a few days was hard. I started working at it and now it comes quite easy. (I don't know how matural it is, but easy) HA

You may talk to her about it, say it is hard for you to "let go" so to speak and what would she like to do. Be honest and ask her to teach you to have fun. It sounds as though you two have had a close relationship. Only you know how close you were and the depth of your relationship. I have 2 friends that went with a guy all through high school, in college they had second thoughts, one went another direction and the other married her high school sweetie and they are very happy and have grown more together. It is hard to know the secrets of the heart. You sound mature enough to know deep inside the answers. They may not come right away, but they will come. If you truly love her, try, but do not waste your life.
Do try to find an outside interest, do you golf? A great social place to meet others. Take care of yourself.

[kylew]

If you love someone set them free...
If they come back then it was meant to be.

Dude she's gone and she probably won't be coming back. Time to move on.

This sounds like a first love but most certainly not your last!

Just think - When you find the right woman you won't have to go through any of this. You will know-she will know you were both meant to be together. You can't blame her or her mom because when you are 20, there is too much of the unknown to commit with your whole heart. That's nobody's fault but time.

Certain experiences have yet to happen even if you are mature for your age. At least now you can apply what you learned and use it towards a future relationship.

This will all make sense ten years from now. You'll say "man was I young", then you will realize most importantly, she was even younger.

[jc105]

cguy,

Want to start by saying I'm sorry for what she is/has done. Its rough, it hurts and you will probably miss her for a while. My girl moved out after 4.5 years, for similar reasons. And like one other reply, she was with someone else within a month. That's my background, now for you I would recommend relaxing. Party, go out, meet people. I disagree completely when you say all you do is stay at home and work. Terrible for you and any relationship with a young girl. At 19-20 (Even until 30) girls want to be entertained, and most would prefer to live happy and poor than rich and boring.

But the old relationship is gone, as is the girl. It is still painful for me to say about my ex, but she is gone and not coming back. Even if there is a chance for us to get back together I try to first accept that she is gone, and not really believe that we can be back together. Hope in situations like these will only hurt you more. You should try to meet someone else and move on, or just work your *** off, whatever your comfortable with. But don't think about her coming back to you, or why she did it, or what you could have done different. None of those things will bring her back or make you feel better. Your 20 dude and no matter how much responsibility you have, you NEED to have fun or you'll die of a stroke at 40 years old.

Please listen to at least some of my advice, when I say my girl left, it was 3 months ago, and I still lay in bed on the edge of hating her and loving her. The only advice I can give is to forget about it for now, and once you run across the right girl (Because she obviously isn't it) you can look back on the memories fondly.

[cguy]

@kylew - I'm not sure but your post seems to come straight out of left field. Did you even read what I wrote or did you skim? First, I never blamed her mom or even her, as I said it was an independent thing she felt she had to do and I agreed. Secondly, when you say find the right woman and she will know we were meant to be together, that could turn the same way this did with a four years laters... scenario. Could it not? I do appreciate your comments and please keep them coming. I do agree I am young, and some of what you say makes sense now and will not take 10 years to realize. :)

@jc105 - "Party, go out, meet people" - Easier said than done. As I said I'm not the party go'er. I think there is no real point in parties, and most of the girls there are as crazy as they come and I wouldn't touch them with a 10 ft. pole. Secondly, I had aksed for advice on how I could "get out and meet people". Maybe you have some decent suggestions?

Thanks.

[JayStone]

I'm sure you've taken everyone's advise into consideration. And they all had good advise, so I'll only say this...
A woman is only interested in a man who is sure of himself. So get out there, be confident, make money, and have fun.
I'll bet your ex will start becoming interested again...

[cguy]

JayStone, I like how you think! I was saying in my post how I was trying to transform my life. Noy having to go to work made me quite lazy (I'm not a couch potato or overweight) but I am bigger than I used to be.

I started working out and have already lost some weight and built some muscle in place of it. I've been working harder, and am moving into new areas of business I've always wanted to venture into but hadn't gotten around to. I'm also learning the 'likability' factor as they call it. Not sure if your familiar with it, but there are some famous books by people like Les Giblin and Dale Carnegie that almost all famous business people will stand by and say changed their careers and/or business minds forever.

I figure all those traits added together have to amount to something, right?

Thanks JayStone, you have definitely made my night. :) Appreciate it.

[Krs]

She probably wants fun and excitement in her life. Not on only business and money orientated kind of life.If you are only 20 I'm sure she is roughly the same age. The age to have fun and life the life, do mad - silly things - have a laugh!

[lost??]

You sound like you need to get out more. When me and my girlfriend broke up I did and it really helped a lot. Meet new pepople and try new things, trust me it really does help. I thought that my ex was the one for me too... I'm about your age and looking back I can see that was crazy, there's still so much we both have to do and experience. Stop talking to her it helps, its hard at first but it gets easier. It'll make you think about her less and eventually she'll be out of sight, out of mind. Find other girls but don't rush into anything with them either, take it slow... trust me. Hang in there man it gets better good luck.

[jc105]

All right, some decent suggestions on how to meet people...

Well join sports leagues or go to events (Concerts, sports) Find out what your interested in, other than work, and do it. Then you will meet a girl (Or people in general) that like what you like.

Also if you want to meet girls, just walk up to them and introduce yourself. Everyone says this crap is easier said than done, but to talk to a girl you've never met, regardless of the outcome of the conversation you can only be ahead. I am a relatively good looking guy, nothing too special, but I'll walk up to the hottest girl in the subway/bar/club/mall, and find out there name. It really is easy, and the more you do it the more comfortable you'll feel and trust me, it will work at least once. Rejection from someone you don't know is not particularly painful...

[BobbyC]

I'm not an expert on relationship by no means, but like you and others, I once suffered a big breakup. You have something going for you that I did not have when I went through mine years back. And that is having a business which can occupy your mind and that keeps you busy. I survived though.You have been given great advice by jeffatl and Krs and especially phillysteakand cheese (you're right, writing that name does make one hungry). But the dominant part does have a lot to do in some relationships. That cause my breakup with my then girlfiend and happy to say my wife now. My approach in getting her back was letters. Not long letters or letters saying I want you back. My first phase were just simple short letters describing her beauty or animations signifying love in general. My second phase, which cost a little cash. But you say you have a business, so it should not be a problem for you, was sending here here favorite flower. I did this for a few months. My final phase was flying to meet her, which was a few hours away. When I did my final phase, I was not sure how she was going to greet me. It was my last straw in which I was going to try to win here back or lose her forever. The meeting was by no means a Hollywood scene, but it was a start of a new relationship in which we both shared what was inside of us. We actually dated for about a year from there on. At first it was a long distant relationship, but after a cuple of months, she moved back to where I was and moved in with her brother. From there on out, I changed my dominant ways and other things that hampered our relationship. From there on if I felt she needed to do something, or I felt she needed some guidance or advice, my approach was "Honey, if you would like me to help you with this or that, let me know". Instead of "you need to do this or this is how you need to do this". If she did not want to I left it alone, but she knew I was there for her. I'm sorry for going on and on, but I just wanted to share my experience with you. I hope everything works out for you.

Best Wishes

[Wildcat21]

BobbyC... love your approach on that... you AVOIDED Pressure!! Which women hate. Just nice notes... no begging, no pleading - you acted cool about things. You probably gave her time to miss you.

You also changed FOR YOURSELF - not her.

Lots to learn here people.