[lost??]

Hey guys, sorry I haven't posted in a while, I've been really busy with school and work. For those of you who don't remember, a little while back I was pretty messed up about my girlfriend of 2 years dumping me a little while after she started living at school (even though it was only like an hour away). Turns out, like many of you said, there was another guy and I took it pretty hard because we loved each other so much blah blah and all that good stuff haha.

Anyway I had been seeing this new girl for a while and we made it official a couple weeks ago. I like her a lot and she's a lot bettter than my ex in a lot of ways (more fun, better personality, better looking, not always misrable like my ex was, etc.) well recently when my ex came home from school she started contacting me. (before that, I had not talked to her since march and it was only because I was dropping something off ) it started as little comments on-line, which I would answer back to not be a jerk. It kept getting more frequent and recently I got an e-mail from her saying that she missed me and being able to talk to me and missed being my friend. She wants me to call her so we can "catch-up". This was about 4 days ago and I haven't responded. The way I see it is she knew I was with the other person but when she came home it didn't really hit her and she thought I'd be there for her again. I alrerady talked to wildcat about it and he told me she wants what she can't have, which I totally agree with. She keeps apologizing for hurting me and said "i'm sorry for what i did. i have my problems but that's the way i am".

Not going to lie, I still have feelings for her but there's no way I'm getting back together with her. I'm not going to let what happened with my ex ruin what I have now. But I still feel bad for her. I hear from her friends she's pretty bad off. Does anyone think it would be a good idea to call her and just catch-up with her or should I just ignore what she sent me. We did get along pretty good while we were together and she was a pretty good friend and I think its been long enough, so would it be a good idea to try and become friends with her again?

[Wildcat21]

I just hope she isn't just trying to 'see if she still has you'.

You also GAVE her a powerful gift most women want and need... the gift of 'missing you'. She may have realized, AFTER the initial 'puppy love' 3 month period with the new guy... what a great guy you really are and how the new guy isn't so great.

Only you know if you should become friends with her. ALSO, how would you current gal feel about this? I might not be too happy about this myself. It's good to be friends with ex's if you can... but what are her real intentions?

[talaniman]

Out of respect for your new g/f I would stay away from any drama or conflict with your ex. You could be honest and see how the new g/f feels and go from there, but for now given your history with the ex I'd leave the past in the past especially as Wildcat has said do you really know the intentions of the ex? Save yourself the headaches for now!

[phillysteakandcheese]

I agree... You don't want to get wrapped up in the drama.

I would not call her. Reply to her email just saying you've found someone else and with the emotional strain she put you through, it's just best to keep some distance. You can communicate via e-mail, but I wouldn't go calling her or run off to see her.

She made choices... bad ones. She'll have to learn from her choices.

You've moved on to a happier place. Enjoy the happier place.

[lost??]

I got home from work tonight and I signed online and she starting iming me asking all these questions about what I've been doing and about my family and everything. I answered but I really felt like she had no right to ask. Yea sure I'd want to be friends with her but I kept thinking after what she did to me she really doesn't have any right to ask me all this, I don't owe her anything. I wish I still didn't have feelings for her in the back of my mind or feel bad for her so I could just be like... look you left my life, stay gone. Should I tell the girl I'm with now about this or would that make it worse? I guess I'm still just too much of a nice guy to tell the ex to shut up

I'm not going to let it break up my current relationship but when you say I don't know her true intentions, do you mean she could just be trying to break us up out of spite?

[CaptainForest]

Just put her on ignore.

Best bet is to keep her out of your life.

[talaniman]

Why speculate? Do you know that there are females out here that can go from 0 to witch in 2 seconds and reek havoc on your life. While you look around with a dumb look on your face they have already riped out your heart and moved on. Didn't your daddy tell you why you don't play with fire??

[Skell]

With all the negative comments you made about her I think you should just leave it alone. You sound happy with this new person so why jeopordise that.
Isn't it great how the wheel of power eventually turns. It seems to happen so often. This is a good example of how moving on and getting on with things can change the whole complexion of the break up.
The roles of dumper and dumpee can change so quickly.
No longer are you the dumpee. In effect you have become the dumper.
I'm sure you'll make the right decision that is best for you.

[Myth]

I would leave her to her own devices. She doesn't sound like she's just wanting to be friends and to me it sounds like she feels she's in competition with your new girl. Don't let her get the upper hand with questions and if you do still chose to talk to her tell her all about your new girlfriend. It will let her know that your not up for grabs in a polite but firm manner. If she keeps it up your going to have to put her in her place. She sounds jelous and remorseful of what she gave up and is trying to feel you out to see if she can get you back. The more rope you give her the more she's going to hang you with. My advice is to be polite but very, VERY closed to her.

[valinors_sorrow]

Ever see a match burn twice? LOL

Of not, well then... you're about to.. . :eek:

[lost??]

Yea I know what you guys mean. I wouldn't get back with her anyway because as soon as she goes back to school she's going to do what she did again. I still feel really bad for her because it seems like she's pretty messed up but I know what I have in front of me now and it's way better than taking a chance with my ex again. If she really only wants to be friends I'll try because I don't like to burn any bridges and I'd like to leave it on friendly terms. But if she mentions anything about getting back together I'll just be like look I can't do that right now even if I wanted to. I know I'd have to make it clear that its only friends and if she wants anything more to look somewhere else.

... also I think its pretty funny how one of my ex's friends said that she said it's not fair that I have a girl friend now 7 months after we broke up... yet she was seeing someone a week after she ended our two year relationship, she's ridiculous

[Cassie]

Why speculate?? Do you know that there are females out here that can go from 0 to witch in 2 seconds and reek havoc on your life. While you look around with a dumb look on your face they have already riped out your heart and moved on. Didn't your daddy tell you why you don't play with fire???

Great, I love that, you are sooooo right

[DJ 'H']

At the end of the day you have to do what feels right - your gut instinct will be telling you right now what's right and what's wrong. But I personally don't think you should go backwards. She hurt you and now expects forgiveness and to have you back at the click of her fingers because the other guy left and she has no one - she did that to herself and it's not your responsibility to pick up the pieces.

Let her stand on her own two feet and sort her life out I say! You have a new gilrfriend and are moving forward - don't let her drag you backwards right to where you started. Cut the thread and set yourself free once and for all!

[Cassie]

What are the feelings you still have for her? Are they feelings right here, right now kind of feelings, or feelings you used to feel in the past? You say this new girl is more fun, better personality, prettier, not miserable. You say your X's friends tell you things, well, that tells me she has friends, so you need not worry about her. She has friends to worry about her. Think about it, would you be sad if you lost your present girlfriend? If so, you need to cut off all communication with your X. It is great to get along with your X's, but that is when you happen upon them, you visit. I think emailing someone all of the time is the same as talking on the phone with them. Would you like you present girlfriend to be emailing her X boyfriend. Some women find it a challenge to play with guys. You have someone new, she will play with you to get you interested and probably dump you again. It helps her ego. If she wasn't up front with you before she probably won't be again. My guess is someone dumped her and now she's goin' fishin'. Cut the bait before you are left with no one.

Just my take on the subject, don't know the girl.

[Wildcat21]

"..... also i think its pretty funny how one of my ex's friends said that she said it's not fair that i have a girl friend now 7 months after we broke up...... yet she was seeing someone a week after she ended our two year relationship, shes ridiculous" - more crap from a mixed up gal.

She THOUGHT she was the only one in your life. Too funny - reality is that, hey, there ACTUALLY other women who might just like you and you just might like them.

[Chery]

yea i know what you guys mean. i wouldnt get back with her anyway because as soon as she goes back to school shes going to do what she did again. i still feel really bad for her because it seems like shes pretty messed up but i know what i have in front of me now and it's way better than taking a chance with my ex again. if she really only wants to be friends i'll try because i don't like to burn any bridges and i'd like to leave it on friendly terms. but if she mentions anything about getting back together i'll just be like look i can't do that right now even if i wanted to. i know i'd have to make it clear that its only friends and if she wants anything more to look somewhere else.

..... also i think its pretty funny how one of my ex's friends said that she said it's not fair that i have a girl friend now 7 months after we broke up...... yet she was seeing someone a week after she ended our two year relationship, shes ridiculous

Hellooooo, lost.. Did she give a darn about how you felt? NO, so why should you?

I give everyone here a big ATTABOY for telling you to go on with your life, and let her deal with hers.

Lots of luck to you!

[Wildcat21]

Ahhhhh Chery - EXACTLY! Great point. She didn't care about your feelings at all... just remember how miserable you felt - I know, we talked about it.

We didn't really address that part - the old gal is a TAKER!!

BUT, also remember some of things I told you on how to get them back - they do work IF yo udo it right - PROBLEM is by that time, do you want them back? Usually not.

[lost??]

You're right cherry, she really didn't care and if she did she didn't show it. And she was def a taker. I'm still pretty pissed at myself that I let myself get so bad over her haha but I guess it happens to everyone once right? I'm just going to go on with my life not looking back. Whatever happens happens, I just know that I can deal with it now. Thanks everyone for everything ! :D

[Wildcat21]

You never want a TAKER - ever. Huge red flag.

Even if you DID get back together - FIRST you would need some serious talks and put her in her place. You DO NOT want to go back to where you were before - the 'puppy dog' boy friend. Tell you're not the 'old lost' - you won't put up with her crap anymore.

Hey Lost - it happens to the best of them.

[BobbyC]

lost?

I would do one of two things, because the longer you put this off, the more headaches you will experience. Tell her the truth and that you now have a new girl in your life. If you want to stay friends with her that's up to you. But I would not even consider that. Probably because I would feel bad intentions on her side, especially if you tell her you have someone else and her new boyfriend did not live up to her expectations. Have you maybe though that maybe she is testing you out? Watch out and Good Luck!