[Wildcat21]

We have TRUST, RESPECT, COMPROMISE, (What did I miss?? )

New word to add... very important...

BALANCE!!

You need balance in the relationship to make it work. Give the person space...

Everyone needs other things in life... not just the relationship... balance includes being gwith your friends, working harder at work, school, hobbies, WORKING OUT!! family, religion, sports, etc.

When you have balance and other things in life it makes the relationship that much better.

You needto balance you own life and let your partner have a life.

[JoeCanada76]

Wildcat,

Excellent word of the day. Your absolutely right about balance. There needs to be space for each person to do their own thing. It will actually benefit each other in the relationship.

Joe

[valinors_sorrow]

Excellent point and one that really separates the functional from the dysfunctional relationship, Wildcat. It was suggested to me the a healthy relationship is like two circles that overlap like in Goldilocks - not too much or too little (barring strange circumstances like catastrophic illness or the like) but juuuuuuuussssst right.

Too little and you don't really have a relationship, more like roommates or penpals without enough of spark or intimacy to light a fire with (like in Ordinary People). Too much and you have codependency essentially which can be very rocky, frought with breakups and rollercoaster histories (like in Cat On A Hot Tin Roof).

And then the model of wellness in between with enough overlap to achieve and maintain intimacy but not too much overlap because of good boundaries, and the good individual esteem to have stable lives apart too. It's a kind of state where one can say I want you more than I need you... makes for bad country western songs LOL but it true! :p

Its out of ill-placed need that a lot of things go awry.

Thanks for a great topic!

[Skell]

That was a great way of adding to a really good post from wildcat, val.
Just coming out of a 7 year relationship myself and analysing faults, problems etc in it, even prior to this post I was thinking about the balance issue.
And although I don't think me and my ex were far off (we did last 7 years after all) the balance could have been better.
It is something that I know in my next relationship I will work hard on.
Great post!

[talaniman]

WILDCAT-You my friend are a genius Yes balance keeps us in touch with the things we want and the things we need and the things we have to do and the wisdom to know the difference.

[Blazingsun]

Beautiful word! I hope everyone reads this. Cheers Wildcat!

[Wildcat21]

Thanks all... I've been looking for that word for over a year. It's so important.

SOOOOOOOO many people come here to post because they don't understand BALANCE!! It adds so much to what we discuss here.

We all hear that word 'space' (a word I hate like 'nice') and I don't like the word 'space'.

But BALANCE fits.

I'd rate you VAL, but I can't yet - great addition to the topic.

So many people struggle with BALANCE in a relationship and that is what usually kills it.

[Wildcat21]

I want to add the balance includes NOT rushing into sex... getting TO KNOW someone... giving them space... allowing them to miss you... creating a little mystery