[please_help_me]

I'm 18, I was sexually abused by my dad for a long time. It wasn't just my dad but his friends. My mum knew about this and did nothing and it is never spoke of. I can't bring myself to tell anyone about this! The feelings have got worse as I have just found out my dad has died, I lost contact with him a few years ago. I try to block the feelings out but they have come back to me more now because I was raped by a 'friend'. Its got to the stage of not coping anymore, I just want to go away and not come back. I have no one to talk to about this! Please help me.

[valinors_sorrow]

You have told someone... you told us... you told me. And its good that you have! Now find a crisis center/women's center/rape hotline in the front of your phone directory (or try 2-1-1 if you are in the US) and call. Don't wait. Tell them exactly like you have us. This is the sort of thing that many many people need help with so there is nothing to be ashamed of, okay?

Its not the least bit surprising to me that:
1) It all rose to the surface with a vengeance at the death of your dad and
2) that you have some troubled relationships like the one with your "friend".
Those are very typical and common experiences for the sexually abused.

I want you to persevere in order to connect with some help. Please keep us posted too. You deserve to have help. You have already done the hardest part - survived it. You can heal from this so that you once again experience a full measure of the joy of living. I know I have and you can too.

PS - Here is the 2-1-1 website: www.211.org.

[please_help_me]

I can't find the inner strength to pick up the phone, I've started self harming again, it's the only thing that makes me feel a bit better, I'm being punished for what I did. I hate myself so much.

[J_9]

Hun, unfortunately we cannot help you, only you can help you.

We are here to listen and give support, but you must take the first step in calling someone.

You will feel much better about yourself once you are in some counseling. Please pick up the phone.

[shuree curtis]

I know that this hurts like hell, and now that your dad is deceaced he can't pay for what he has done, but you can help other people who are going through this. First, you must tell the police about the friend who raped you so the charges can be brought against them, write your mom a letter and let her know just how are feeling and ask her why she didn't help you. She was your protector and if she was scared the police could help her. She needs help and so do you. You should get counseling and keep talking about it. Don't hold it in. it hurt more and stays with you longer when you keep it bottled up

[valinors_sorrow]

Hun, unfortunatley we cannot help you, only you can help you.
We are here to listen and give support, but you must take the first step in calling someone. You will feel much better about yourself once you are in some counseling. Please go ahead and pick up the phone.

Wow, do I know about that two hundred pound telephone! But what J-9 said here is the rock bottom truth... it has to start with you, when you are ready. But as soon as you do, that's when the relief begins... real relief, not the temporary stuff from cutting, addictions or any other form of self-inflicted harm.

When you are ready.

[please_help_me]

I'm worried, what if telling the police ruins his life? He now has a girlfriend and a little baby boy, I will hurt a lot of people by telling the police. I remember my mum being physically abused, whilst me and my brother were made to watch, but my mum didn't want me, I lived with relatives and they were adament that I had a relationship with my mum and dad. I was taken there 3times a week, that's when the abuse happened. My mum would go out. I never stopped the whole night, ringing relatives, in tears, to come and collect me, they never thought anything of it - said I was clingy. Then they started coming to get me late at night, that's when the abuse got worse, more intense and my dad would bring his friends around to watch.
Sorry for being a pain but its kind of helping writing it all down.

[J_9]

You are worried about telling the police and ruining his life? What about the fact that he has ruined yours already?

What about the baby boy? As a survivor of abuse, don't you think that you should tell someone so you can save that baby from being abuse too? That poor baby cannot do it by himself, he needs someone to speak for him and only you, the one that the abuse was committed on can do that for him.

Yes, writing it down is very therapeutic, you may find that starting a journal will be very healing also.

Please, do not do anything to harm yourself, you are your best friend. Now pick up that HEAVY phone and call someone who can really help you.

[talaniman]

You are worried about telling the police and ruining his life? What about the fact that he has ruined yours already?

What about the baby boy? As a survivor of abuse, don't you think that you should tell someone so you can save that baby from being abuse too? That poor baby cannot do it by himself, he needs someone to speak for him and only you, the one that the abuse was committed on can do that for him.

Yes, writing it down is very therapeutic, you may find that starting a journal will be very healing also.

Please, do not do anything to harm yourself, you are your best friend. Now pick up that HEAVY phone and call someone who can really help you.

I commend your courage to even write us here and I know you'll find the courage to help yourself and others who NEED your help. It starts with you and the phone may be heavy ,but I think you have the strenghth.

[Fr_Chuck]

Hello, you sound like a loving person, but a person who "rapes" one person will most likely do it again, so the person needs to be stopped.

Next he needs to be punished, and he needs to have his life destroyed.
And do you think this girl would really support him, if she knew all the truth, she is living a lie with him.

I am sorry, your dad died before you could confont him and come to some healing. You need PROFESSIONAL help, you need to find a counselor, a women's center, somewhere that you can talk about your feelings.

You are the victim, and not one that is to blame, A person who is abused as a child by a family member have and need to come to grip with more feelings than I can list. Trust, Love, closeness. Add to this the betrayal of a mother and you should feel totally betrayed,

But you are not doing anything wrong, you have not harmed or done wrong, But hurting yourself is not making you better, it is really making you worse and you have to make that first step and get real help.

[please_help_me]

After reading you're advice, I went to the police last night. It felt like a life time telling them, everything. They could see that I was shaking and really nervous. They rang the police doctor to come and examine me - obviously there no DNA or eveidence of him in me. The exam was painful and he said I needed to go back for further tests, what could this be for?
They took a statement and said they would bring him in for questioning. I told them I was worried for his girlfriend and baby - they said they'd keep an eye on it.
Thank you for all your help, I couldn't have done it without you.

[valinors_sorrow]

Bravo! You did yourself and the world a really brave and loving gesture there. Please continue to seek help for yourself. YOU are worth it!

[soccermom]

Hello sweetie, I'm not going to tell you that I know how you feel, though I was also sexually abused as a child but by my friends uncle, whom I honestly trused. I kept it a secrete for years... This happened when I was 11, I am now 27 and in therapy for a totally different matter... My 16 month old son passed away in October 2004. In order to start healing from that I had to deal with my previous pains and unresoved feelings from my abuse.
I thought that I had gotten over all those feelings also, to my knowledge he had moved away and was not around anymore but 3 and half years ago my sister got pregnant, well to my surprise (this gets a little confusing) my abuser was my sister's boyfriends step father, to sum things up basically my abuser is my neices grandfather! All those feelings started to come up again. When my son died I blamed myself, like you I felt that I needed to be punished and felt that my son dying was some sort of punishment. I have just now started to deal w/ my abuse, it has taken me 16 years.
You can do it! Don't take your life, don't punish yourself, these dirt bags aren't worth it... FIGHT BACK! YOU ARE WORTH IT, YOU CAN/WILL WIN THIS BATTLE!!

[please_help_me]

Its wired how when life deals us some crap, it can bring back stuff from before. It must have been hard for you trying to deal with all that stuff.
From your post, you sound positive and you are credit to the world. There are too many bad people in this world and we need more people like you; who are willing to help people come out of the crap, the other side. You have just proved that sometimes things make us stronger! I can only applaude your courage and how brave you are to come on here and help so honestly.
Thank You!

[soccermom]

Well thank you very much, I really appreciate you saying that. I have been met with many tramatic hurdles and challenges in my life but they have definitely made me the person I am today! You may not recover from this right away, it's just not one of those things that you forget about and move on. In my opinion, you need to find a way to release it, talking to someone may be helpful. I was in therapy for years as a teen because I acted out in anger and my parents had no idea why I was so angry. At that point in my life therapy was not helpful because I was not ready/willing to discuss it w/ ANYONE! I was too emabrresed, like I said said before it was not until much later that I felt comforable about opening up and now I have started the healing proscess. I am able to talk openly about it and use my past experiences to help others. I hope that you have found comfort in knowing that YOU ARE NOT ALONE! There are many of us out there. In time you will heal, never forget, but will heal and be able to move on and LIVE.
You are very courages yourself for coming here to ask for help. You seem strong, I know that you can and will recover from this... remember to remind yourself that you are strong and worthy of living. Sometimes life can throw us some pretty harsh curves but in time we learn to swerve. Stay strong.

[pennybot]

I read your story and wanted to send you some strength.

Very proud that you went to police. You are a survivor! victim no more!

I hope this will set you free to live your life the way you want to. Not in fear and anger even though it will take time.
*hugs*

I agree with the others that journalling your feelings is a great idea to work your head around it all.


Please don't feel you are responsible for others. They are responsible for themselves and the actions they took on you.

His behaviours, problems, why he did it, the results, his family=his stuff. He's an adult. He's old enough to know better. He can worry about it.

your mental and physical health=your stuff. You worry about that.

Take good care of yourself.

[always_hot]

Oh my god! I am so sorry you have had to go through all of this. Please get yourself some help. I really think you need intensive counseling. My Mom was sexually abused by her father for years and has never had any kind of counseling. Her whole life has been a train wreck especially with relationships and now she's on heroin and will probably die soon.
I honestly believe her life would be different if she had some kind of counseling. Please, please get yourself some help so you can move on with your life. I wish the best for you.