[stephacoelho]

Just don't let her string you along... do what's best for you!

[aedude006]

Okay, I saw her the other morning, and we went out to eat, went back to her house and watched t.v while she laid down on my chest and I was in heaven. However she still needs time, and she still doesn't know, I also noticed she wasn't wearing the promise ring I bought her. However I know she misses how things use to be before I moved in with her, such as when I would sneek over to see her in the middle of the night and she misses dating. Also she still says she loves me, but I don't know if that is enough? So I am taking her out on a date Friday night I'm thinking ice skating and then to a movie, twilight, I know this doesn't mean at all that my chances are any better but I still hope...

Also for those of you saying get over her, and actually to everyone, how many of you wish you would have tried just a little harder? Or fought that extra little bit?

[NItEMArE129]

Well, think of it this way. Those who didn't fight that extra little bit regret that they didn't. However, those that do also regret that they did. Sometimes that's not the case, but sometimes it is. Fight if you want... Sometimes you just have to make your own mistakes. But remember, all of us have your best interests at heart. Partly because we don't know you well enough to hate you and partly because most of the people on this board are people who want to help others.

[busterite]

Also for those of you saying get over her, and actually to everyone, how many of you wish you would have tried just a little harder? Or fought that extra little bit?

Well the thing is that the harder and the more times you hit your head against a brick wall the faster it will break. I am not saying that is the case for every situation but I think that each one of us has a way of understanding if we are banging our head against a wall or not.
I really do hope this works out for you but I will also advise you to take small baby steps for now. Good luck.

[ImTotallyLost]

Also for those of you saying get over her, and actually to everyone, how many of you wish you would have tried just a little harder? or fought that extra little bit?

Look, I'm a bit older than you (24) but I am going through something similar. My first girlfriend of 4 years (she wasn't my first everything, though she is the my first love) started having second thoughts about our relationship because it is a long distance relationship. We finally broke up this weekend, although I can see she still likes me a lot and sees a future with me, etc...

I honestly think we are perfect for each other, that she's just stressed out right now and can't find herself to love me. But during the looong three weeks between she started acting weird and this last thanksgiving, I also discovered that love is an act for two people: one person cannot love for two. It's unhealthy. It's wrong. It becomes a lopsided relationship where one gets all the pain and suffering and the other, unknowingly, end up walking all over the first. My ex is a good person, but she was hurting me, even though she didn't meant. Because I was the one trying to make sense of what was going on through her mind, and that's just impossible.

Could I have tried a bit harder, telling her that I would wait until this phase was over? Sure, since she isn't interested in anyone else, even hypothetically. And there is a good chance that after this phase was over we would have been together and happy ever after and all that. And is also true that, by breaking up right now, we will never go back, actually the chances of that happening are really really high, because of the distance.

But insisting on this relation right now would just be too much for me to bear, unfair. And I need to draw a line somewhere. Also, she would be suffering too, with the confusion of holding me without being able to love me, no matter how much she wants to. So in the end, if we insisted, even we managed to stick together for the ever after, there would be always in her mind the fact that she wanted to break up with me at some point, and there will be always the scars of all the pain she inflicted on me during this period. So if we're meant to be together, breaking up right now is the only way of us having a healthy relationship in the future. And if we meet other people and have different lives, then it was good we broke up, because it just wasn't meant to be.

What I'm trying to tell you is that right now, no matter how much you think it was something you did and that it's up to you to make her get back, you are wrong. The ball is not in your court anymore. It's her call, her move. And the more you put pressure on her, the worse it's going to be, for both of you. Let her go now. Try to make a life without her. If you don't drink or go to bars, try to meet people in your circles, or try to find new circles, in church or in school, or in meetup.com. You'll be surprised by the fact you can meet people by just being a regular at your local Starbucks or Borders or whatever. Pick up a hobby. Focus your attention on work, if you don't feel like getting into a new relationship.

It might sound really weird but the best way for you to fight for her right now is to leave her life, so that she we'll understand what you guys had together. Stop with the "we're on a break" crap because that doesn't work. Break up. Don't close the door on her, be nice and polite, but stop going actively after her. Show that you care about her being well, but make her understand that if she doesn't want you, there are people that will, and that you won't sit and wait for her. Make it clear that she has to make up her mind on her own. That you don't have to put up with her crap anymore because you aren't together. There is a chance that this won't work for you guys but at least in the end you will be fine. By the situation you described, if you insist right now, if you guys make it work it would be in a very wrong way, with her not knowing if she came back for love or because of pity and with you in a very lower, very vulnerable position, hurt and feeling that she owes you for all she put you through.

I'm not saying it's easy. It hurts. It feels like you are going to die. Every day I wake up feeling like half of me is missing. On weekends I just can't get out of bed. At night I need to have the TV on so that I don't feel so lonely while sleeping. But, slowly, I am getting better. And trust me, you will get better. The important thing that people told you many times here is that you need to love yourself. You don't need this girl to feel good about yourself. Relationships are for both of you to feel better with each other, to make one plus one greater than two. But for that you need to be at least one.

[Ana52408]

So maybe she just lost feelings for you and maybe she doesn't feel as comfortable as she used to... but since you've known her for so long, you know what makes her happy, and hey I don't blame you for the kissing your doing to her but if you really love her and you really want her in your life forever then do what you have to do. If the actions you are taking now are all true, then obviously she must feel bad deep inside and know that she really does love you. But anyhow, I suggest you know that karma's a (excuse me for the language) but if you try try and try and she just keeps turning her back on everything you do for her, it will come around, maybe it will take a year maybe a week but it comes around. And you're the one that's going to end up happy and she's going to be the one asking WHYYYY. And there's many people that have been in your position and hey I've been one of them but I'm telling you, they will come back to you. As long as you've always treated her right and never disrespected her, she will realize what she lost. Like they say, you don't know what you have till you've lost it. :)

[aedude006]

Just thought I'd let everyone know we are back together, but she wants to stay in separate housing for now... and o you I fet like I wanted to die for the last 2 days of no communication, omg the worst 2 days of my life I can't even explain it, but then she texted me telling me she wanted to come over, so she did and we talked and she wanted to get back together she just needs more her time. And also I broke the no communication the first 3 days I was suppose to. I had to tell her how I felt.

[DeleteAndBan]

Congratulations! You are one of very few people who are dumped and manage to get back.

Unfortunately in the process you gave away all and every "power" you had. Hope you Keep us updated on your relationship progress. Could be good for those who come here for positive news.

[Lucidrayn]

WoW, reading this post it remended me of me, and what I went through 0.0... my thoughts... wow was I really that stupid...

Hey in the end we still and won't get back together and I'm still messed up BTU I don't think I'm going to let it get to me like it used too...

0.0 Gratz that your back together wish you the best!

Thanks for showing me its not worth the drama!

:)

[face_reality]

Begging, being needy, letting a anyone walk all over is not attractive behavior. Cut all forms of communication. If she really loves you she will come back herself. But from the way you handled the whole thing -- it's over men!

[Julius_Truth13]

Homie... I feel for you, congrats on getting back together but I really hope you'll man up this time. I went through what you went however I had my pride and self respect. You need to be a man this time. Cause you will end up being her safety blanket from now on. She will have you wrapped around her finger so when things don't work out with the next guy, she'll have good ol' ex boyfriend to fall on. Good Luck...

[411Help]

Not to be mean, but, this relationship won't last long with the kind of character you hold.

[solost84]

I know you are hurting right now. I am going through some stuff myself (more intense then yours) It will get better. Time will make things better. From the things you are saying she doesn't want you and doesn't really care about you. I think you need to move on, surround yourself with family and people who love you. I can't help you with the eating factor cause I can't seem to keep anything down either right now but keep yourself hydrated.

[grindin]

Ohhh. sod off.

Come back when your head is on right.

i can't talk to you or help you
if you act like this..

If you can't understand whats going on. and what you need to do.. to change

then Enjoy your mess kid.

No one can love her like i do

Ha! Give me a F@@ING BREAK!

Dude you have to listen to him. No one can help you if you can't help yourself. You say that you don't think a lot of people really go through this well it's the truth people do. I myself have just been dumped 2 days ago from a 5 years relationship. I lived with her the last 2 years until now. It hurted me a lot but boom here I am on this site with now 3 post and I'm trying to be as strong as I can be. See it as becoming a man. Become a new person. I swear after this you will look at life differently. Before you can love someone you have to love yourself. You can't be happy with just one person. You need balance in your life. And that's what I'm trying to find too. Good luck bro.

[ihateme]

these people know nothing. I just expereinced what you experienced. Yea it hurts too much to describe. All you can do is listen to this and cry some more. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ih4bm-91Wq4

then after you are done crying then listen to this and ccry some more.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cUfIKX5ReKQ

I watch these over and over and cry and cry, and there is no end to the pain.

she loves another man. She is probably going to sleep with him soon. I am 21. She is 27. He is 27 too. I am the odd one out. Actually I do think I am going to kill myself.

but first, going to drink myself and these emotions away in the car listening to bright eyes, and m ward, and then I will probably just walk into the ocean. Actually no that is too scary. I want to die slowly. I will just cut these wrist of mine and these swolen fists and my broken bedroom walls will heal one day.

[Blake2134]

Well I think we can be a little more sensitive instead of putting this dude down. From my own personal experience dude... I have had 2 long-term relationships, and both of them ended up with me getting dumped cause girls these days(younger ones) have NOOOOO CLUE what they want. I have no ing clue why, it makes me crazy. But TrueFaith is right man. Even if you still wait for her or give her some time, you NEED to have some self-respect and dignity. You should tell her that you WON'T wait for her forever and if she wants back in she needs to make up her mind quick. Girls these days treat guys like , and when they finally come across an amazing guy, they peace out cause they're "not sure." the most recent one broke up with me after 4 years and I'm in the same boat as you wondering what the heck to do now. But at LEAST I know who I am and am proud of it regardless of whether I have a girl. You need to get that back and get some friends so you can grow as a person. If she comes back, then good for you or whatever I hope it works out. But you need to stop communicating with her this much and take time to yourself. I'm pulling for you bro but you got to stand up and FIGHT like TrueFaith said. You're in 20? You have like what... 60 years to find another girl? I never thought I would move on from the first one, and then I had a 4 year relationship with another girl and it was WAY better. So whether I get back together with my girl I told her I'm moving on so that she knows she doesn't have forever... because NOBODY SHOULD HAVE TO WAIT! It's bull. For all I know I might meet an amazing girl who never hurts me and I can be done with this crap. So I know how you feel, but think of the positive man. You're stomach hurts cause you're dragging your emotions too far down. Laugh in the face of the that is life... NOTHING in life is going to work out perfectly the way you want it to... ESPECIALLY when it comes to love.

Good luck man all the best! Hope I helped a bit.