[OrBust]

I have been with my girlfriend for 2 ½ years, I am 26 and have been in two serious relationships before her. She is 21 and has been in one serious relationship before me. Last month I came home from a business trip and she tells me that she wants to break up. She says that the last six months have not been going well, which I also agree with. She says the main reason for the break up is because she feels that she dose not know who she is without me. She feels like she needs to find herself.

We decided to remain friends, so we see each other once a week. But, for me it is too painful and I don’t want to screw anything up between us. I really want to be with her and am willing to give her the time that she needs. I too want time to work on myself to become a more appreciative person and not be so selfish.

How do I tell her that it hurts to see her? How can I proceed toward possible getting back together with her?

[Wondergirl]

She wants to have her cake and eat it too, by doing her own thing and still keeping you around.

Tell her in short, in sweet, and in no uncertain terms that you have decided you need to do your own thing too and find out who you are without her. Then start No Contact (NC) and stick to it.

Will you get her back? All the stories like this that have been posted here have ended up with the two people going their separate ways, so no, you won't get her back.

Now, find out who you are without her.

[talaniman]

After a break up, agreeing to be friends, is nothing but an excuse to keep them in your life, because you have the false hope, of getting them back, or the fear of being alone.

You never heal under those circumstances. Let her know her plan can't work, and your out of there. Let her find herself, and you find yourself, through strict no contact.

[JohnD212]

Yah... your once a week visit is the attempt to pretend the relationship hasn't died. She'll be doing this until she meets someone new or decides she's finally over you... and trust me... then the pain will be so much more severe.

I think ex's can only make friendship work if they were friends before the relationship started and even then its hard.

Until you do what talaniman told you you won't heal and you won't be much good to yourself or your future mate. No contact (100%) and start to move on.

It's over.

[OrBust]

Update from the above. It has been 3 months since we broke up. I talked to her just the other day, and found out that she has been dating our mutual firend for the last few weeks.

I know that this person was one of her main support lines during and after our break up. I had always thought the highest of this person and trusted him. Looking back I could see that he probably enved her and I relationship. He has never had a girlfirend in the three years that I knew him, and I have never meet any friends of his that where considered best friends, he probably never had any.

I know that had told her things about me that were not true or were streched for his benefit. He moved in on her when she was the weakest. She told me that she was happy with him, but I think the cards will fall in this relationship because they got together before she had a clear head.

Looking back, I started dating this girl when she had only been broken up for one or two weeks. Now, she is doing it all over again, but with one of my good friends. She needs a rebound to get over the last person. I don't think this I healthy, I still care for her well being. Is there anything I can do to help her out? Or I guess she will have to learn with time from her own mistakes.

Thanks

[kctiger]

She isn't your problem anymore. She wanted to find herself, so let her do it, without you. Just worry about yourself now, as you are priority number 1.

[talaniman]

We all have a right to live our lives and make our mistakes. Time to let it go, and focus on something else besides her. Just leave her alone.

[jmw0713]

Anymore time you put in to this will be wasted. Your situation with your ex sounds IDENTICAL to the situation I have with my ex. She wanted a break, we still talked once a week, she was talking with this new guy and is now "in love" with him. When I first started dating her, she was a couple weeks out of a 2 year relationship...

Trust me the only way to end your pain is to let EVERYTHING GO and to let time do its work.

I know that I give this advice time and time again to people who are in this type of situation, and I have yet to listen to myself. Just yesterday I talked to my ex after we have been broken up for months. It still hurts just like when everything started. I found out things that I shouldn't have, and honestly it just draws out the pain more. So take it from someone who wanted to have their ex in their life and DON"T WASTE YOUR TIME! In the end it just keeps hurting. The only way to stop it is to stop letting her in YOUR life.

The only way you can help her is to disappear and let her find out for herself.

[OrBust]

I don't want to be with her, I don't want to try to be with her. I just feel like someone needs to tell her what's going on. She recently begain talking down about our relationship and saying things that I know are not true. Its an excuse to feel better about being with someone else.

I feel like this guy is smuthering her, causing her to make irrational decisions. Don't you think I should at least point this out to her.

[sully123]

I agree with Tal, just let it go, maintain NC. You won't heal and get past this, you will just stay stuck. It's too early to remain friends at this point.. enough time hasn't past.. Good luck.

[Romefalls19]

"A rumor is halfway around the world before the truth even has it shoes on"

You can spend all of your time trying to prove a rumor wrong, but goodluck. The better thing to do is just go along with it like it doesn't even bother you. I was gay for 2 weeks in high school because an ex started a rumor saying it. Why try to prove everyone wrong when all that matters is what you know.

This relationship is over, she decided to end it. You decide to move on, don't be friends because it will only delay your healing and cause more drawn out heartache. That will lead to you coming to the forum saying "she texted me goodnight!" what does this mean?

Let it go, trust me

[LifeChangesMan]

Hey hey,

First of all... Rome I didn't know you were a homosexual for two whole weeks! Interesting, good for you... lol j/k buddy!

Anyway, I read this post and I was like uh... yeah been there, actually almost identical to what was said and what has happened, except I cut my ex off right away for two months, and now we're talking again.

I see that your already good and seem to have your head on the right track about not wanting her back and such, you'll be fine.

Take Care,
LCM