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jeffatl · Jun 29, 2006, 03:25 PM

HEY GUYS! I haven't been on here in a bit, but yet again I am a "situation". I guess its not a bad one to be in though!:D The gal from Cali is home, she just got back 2 days ago, but I have yet to see/talk to her since she has been back. I think I am going to wait at least until Mon before I call her so she has some time to visit with friends and family, so we shall see where that one goes... The thing is... I am currently kind of dating 2 other girls at the momet. I really like the Cali girl though, we seem to get along so well, but she has been kind of flaky as of lately and Im not really sure why. I guess it's a good thing that I have some other options to go with, but Im not really sure how to handle it. I don't want to come off too strong and call her quite yet. :rolleyes: I would really kind of like her to chase me!! She knows I like her, and she told me she has had a crush on me for a long time. Should I put the ball in her court and see where it goes, or should I make more of an effort to see her? I want to play this right because if we don't go out, it would be great to have her as a friend I can hang out with and dance with or something of the sort... :cool:

Skell · Jun 29, 2006, 04:00 PM

Well you know the rules as far as chasing goes (it will run) because you were one of the first to pass them onto me. So I'm sure you won't make that mistake. However you may have to take a little initiative with her. Particuary if she finds out you are dating other women she may think you are not interested and look elsewhere. I suppose you have to let her know your still keen without chasing. That's the beauty of the begginning of a relationship I gather. Getting that balance right. I look forward to one day being in this situation again.
I'm sure you'll be OK though. You know most of the do's and dont's of dating from your time on here so you have a head start over most guys anyway.
Keep us informed.

jeffatl · Jun 29, 2006, 04:17 PM

See, this is one of my favorite things about this site! People that you helped out months ago really come a LONG way, and actually end up helping YOU out later!! VERY cool to get insight and in a lot of ways teach the teacher!! I see where you are coming from, and I guess there is a pretty big difference between playing hard to get, and just not playing at all! Thanks!

talaniman · Jun 29, 2006, 04:27 PM

Hi Jeff, Whatever course of action you pursue I'm sure these circumstances are a lot better than before. Stay honest.

valinors_sorrow · Jun 29, 2006, 09:52 PM

Even in this modern age, some girls need to be coaxed into chasing... and flirting/teasing is a great way to initiate that. So flirt away! But please don't tell girls you date that you are dating other girls - that's very private business unless your circle is that small (which should be a clue to enlarge the circle LOL). Just don't imply exclusivity in any manner, and they'll know. And the greatest strength anyone has in dating or friendship is like what Talaniman said, honesty!

fredg · Jun 30, 2006, 05:34 AM

Hi,
Go for it!
Date as many as you can, at the same time. That's called Dating.
Call her.
As another said, if one of the girls you date doesn't like yopu being with anyone else, then your relationship with her will probably be over soon. She will find out, one way or another. Best wishes.

Wildcat21 · Jun 30, 2006, 07:45 AM

Skell - actually these are women - IF she KNOWS he dating someone else - he becomes instant challenge - HEAR ME - INSTANT CHALLNGE. You're being logic here... women work on feelings... not logic.

Jeff - it's good to wait... be cool about it... WAIT until Wednesday next week... she MAY call you first. Be cool, be funny, no tough questions... keep the call short - you're a busy guy.

valinors_sorrow · Jun 30, 2006, 09:06 AM

Originally Posted by Wildcat

Skell - actually these are women - IF she KNOWS he dating someone else - he becomes instant challenge - HEAR ME - INSTANT CHALLNGE. You're being logic here.......women work on feelings...not logic.

Hmmm, whilst we are often on the same page, I think we disagree a little here Wildcat. I feel a burning desire to add for the record that some women are quite logical and some have a more sensitive idea of manners. If he implies indirectly he is dating others, that is one thing. But to make it known and for the purpose of making himself look more viable, ugh! A number of my girlfriends (of all ages, by the way) and I would call that an out-and-out tacky ploy and passssssssssss it up. :p

I recognise that in order to get a job in my area, you have to BE working already so you get what you know to be a throw-away job... and I think you are talking a similar phenomena here. But you don't tell anyone that?? And so I contend that women aren't that dumb either.

So it boils down to what kind of woman does he want? There are all kinds.

Myth · Jun 30, 2006, 09:15 AM

I guess I should have put that response in here instead of a rating... But I'd say the same thing. As long as she thinks of you as hers she'll see a challenge, but if she doesn't she might chalk you up to a lost cause. Depends on the woman

Wildcat21 · Jun 30, 2006, 10:29 AM

True. Everyone is different. BUT, if she IS already attracted to him - challenge.

Chery · Jun 30, 2006, 11:59 AM

Hey Jeff... we cannot make the decisions for you, but I sure hope that you just treat her as you would have her treat you. You know what pain and frustration is like and you also have learned that it's no fun - so nobody is deserving of it.

The way you delve into a relationship should be set by whether you are ready for a commitment or not. If not, then keep it aloof, funny, and give her a chance to hold on to her open options if you are not sure you want a serious relationship yet.

So your question of should you call or not, depends on what you want her to 'read' into the message. You could call her to welcome her back and ask her out to a dance, then keep it casual unless she makes the first move.

As far as the other girls, if you want just one, you'll have to make a choice soon for your own sake. If not, then as I said before, be fair.

Lots of luck, and have fun.

Wildcat21 · Jun 30, 2006, 11:30 PM

I agree with what Chery says so much!

momincali · Jul 1, 2006, 12:58 AM

Jeff, you've known this girl for a while, you know how she feels, sort of. You also know her history. Has she been burned by guys often or by one very meaningful relationship? Is she sick of the games people play in relationships? Is she a chaser or does she play the role of the chasee? Is she in a place emotionally where she is ready to get serious and settle down? More importantly, what do you think? Are you feeling a little hesitant to move this relationship along for some reason? It sounds to me like you're enjoying the dating scene and the casualness of it. I think that's great, if that is all you want out of relationships for now. I agree that you shouldn't tell the women you're dating about the others, unless of course they ask if you're seeing other women. If you didn't imply to Ms. Cali that you were exclusive, then as a mature woman, she should assume that there are others, she may have others as well. If she wants more, than that would require, one, that you feel the same, and two, that she not be so far away, geographically or otherwise. At any rate, you'll cross that bridge when you come to it. For now, you have no dilemna, what you're doing isn't wrong. Call her today or Monday, it really doesn't matter as long as you keep it short and fun.

jeffatl · Jul 1, 2006, 02:07 AM

Originally Posted by Chery

Hey Jeff... we cannot make the decisions for you, but I sure hope that you just treat her as you would have her treat you. You know what pain and frustration is like and you also have learned that it's no fun - so nobody is deserving of it.

The way you delve into a relationship should be set by whether you are ready for a commitment or not. If not, then keep it aloof, funny, and give her a chance to hold on to her open options if you are not sure you want a serious relationship yet.

So your question of should you call or not, depends on what you want her to 'read' into the message. You could call her to welcome her back and ask her out to a dance, then keep it casual unless she makes the first move.

As far as the other girls, if you want just one, you'll have to make a choice soon for your own sake. If not, then as I said before, be fair.

Lots of luck, and have fun.

I really think that this is a GREAT observation, that I haven't really thought about. This pretty much makes me see what is going on with myself right now. Im still in that "in between" phase it seems, and I Don't want to ruin a good thing by rushing into anything. I think I just need to do my own thing for a while, and then really look at what I want, I think Im still a little lost in some ways. Ive really been pushing myself to try and see things in new ways, and this really helps me... A lot! I heard a good frined tonight talk about how he "never wanted to get married" and how he "bails out when he gets close"... It really made me NOT want to be that way just because of ONE bad relationship. The more and more I tell myself I am over all the BS that happened... I see Im not totally over it. I know I see things in a more "real" or "wise" way, but I still have a lot to learn. Im totally proud of how far I have come, and I know you guys are but its good to get a bit of a reality check to see... Im being a bit too confident by trying to rush into another "meaningful relationship" because Im not ready to give it all I have. Im having a great time doing what Im doing now, and I think it would be unfair to her and myself to go into this without giving it all I have. It gets a little odd (to say the least) to sit here and think about everything that's happened (the good, the bad, and the ugly) over the past YEAR of my life!! Thanks guys!! :cool:

valinors_sorrow · Jul 1, 2006, 04:33 AM

Originally Posted by jeffatl

It gets a little odd (to say the least) to sit here and think about everything thats happened (the good, the bad, and the ugly) over the past YEAR of my life!!! Thanks guys!!!:cool:

Not odd at all... Socrates once said "the unexamined life is a life not worth living". Your experiences are your best teachers, and to that end, to learn well is to live well. So I say... BRAVO and bring on more thinking anytime you feel the inclination! :)

talaniman · Jul 1, 2006, 04:38 AM

You can bet your on the right path when THESE ladies are behind you. I think its great and shows maturity that you chose to talk and seek advice BEFORE you made a dumb move. As Val said Bravo!

jeffatl · Jul 2, 2006, 01:17 AM

UPDATE: Hung out with "her" and a few friends tonight, and things went great! I kept it light, fun, playfull, and we had a lot of fun on a night that wasn't all that great. I was a bit un nerved at first, but once I calmed myself down... I was just me. WHEW... Big relief that I could just get over my own BS and be cool. My head is out of my butt now people! I got invited to her house for the 4th of July at the end of the night, so I will take it one step at a time. This was one of the first times we have really "hung out" and we get along surprisingly well. She gets my sarcasm, and a lot of times someone would say something kind of weird, dumb, or random, and we would both look at each other and just laugh. If anything, she will make a great frined to have some fun with!

Chery · Jul 3, 2006, 02:26 PM

I feel an inkling of pride here... Friendship is a great thing that can bond - sometimes a lot more important than one-night-stands.

Keep us posted.

Mom2

I already answered to this one telling you how proud I am of you, and it did not show up. So here it is again.

Attaboy Jeff!

Mom2

Blazingsun · Jul 3, 2006, 06:49 PM

Awsome as usual Chery.

jeffatl · Jul 6, 2006, 12:31 AM

Okokok... The past two days have been AMAZING guys!! I hung out with her on the 4th, and tonight! I went over to her place and met/hung out with her family and ALL of them are SUPER nice. Tonight I went over and watched a movie with her and then just hung out watching TV for a WHILE. I was going to go in for a kiss on the 4th, but we were both kind of drunk, so I figured I would wait it out a bit... well... tonight I did, and it was pretty awesome!! We might hang out again together tomorrow, go to the pool or something, but I figured I would let you guys know what's up! She is totally cool! We get along GREAT and laugh a TON! A few times tongith when we were kissing, we would just start laughing... Silly stuff! I guess we are kind of dating or what not right now, but Im just going to go with the flow and see where things go from here! Needless to say... Im pretty stoked right now though!