[jammixmaster]

For the past few months I've been dating a muslim girl. I think I'm starting to fall in love with her and would love nothing more than to marry this girl. However, I am African American and she is from Jordan. She has told me that her family would most likely not approve, as they want her to have an arranged marriage. She said that she could probably get her mother to accept us (as women are more sensitive to matters of love than men are) but her father would be 100% against it.

Is this how it is for all muslim women? Do they all have to have an arranged marriage? And if not, would it be OK in the eyes of other muslims for us to marry?

[firmbeliever]

Hi Jammix,

As you titled your question " a black non-muslim", color or race is not issue when it comes to a muslim marriage. Even though you may see otherwise, that certain cultures do not like their own marrying people from other races or countries,this is not an Islamic practice.

In Islam the requirement is that the person a muslim woman chooses to marry be of the same belief/faith, i.e. be a muslim.

Regarding arranged marriage-
Islamically it is not really acceptable to date and/or hang out with men unless under the supervision of family members, as Islam prohibits sexual relationships outside of marriage.

Depending on the country,sometimes the parents have more say in who they wish their sons or daughters to marry,in some countries, the parents allow the son/daughter to choose,but act as advisers in choosing a spouse.

Here is an interesting read regarding Islamic practice of a courtship.
ZAWAJ.COM: Articles and Essays

Any other questions,please feel free to ask.

[mommyoftwins200]

Have fun with this one babe, I am white and I dated a Pakistani boy (Muslim) for 3 years and engaged for two. His father was pakistan and never liked me from day one. His mother being Columbian loves me. We argued constantly because we both believed in many different things with the different religions. I love him more then words can say but I knew in my heart that this relationship was never going to make it. I ended up finding out he was cheating on me and that she was pregnant and then I found out I was pregnant, they moved to Miami and got married and had a baby boy and I had twin girls and he's never bothered to call or try to even see them.

[firmbeliever]

Mommyoftwins,

That is the sort of case I mentioned that some cultures do not accept people outside of their culture in marriage,which is un-Islamic.

That is sad,that your ex-fiance is not taking responsibility for his children.He should be there for them or at least help you financially as it is his duty as a muslim father to look after his children.

[mommyoftwins200]

And its funny because his wife is an american.

[jammixmaster]

Sorry to hear that mommyoftwins200. I wish the best for you.

Thanks for the info firm believer. I really don't want to offend her or anyone else's religion but I do not think that God (no matter what religion Hes in) would want someone to marry someone else who they are not in love with. Which is why an arranged marriage makes no sense to me. I'd say 7 or 8 times out of 10 the people who have an arranged marriage will never truly love each other. This girl I'm dating, her parents had an arranged marriage and even though they are still together, she tells me that her mother doesn't really love him but doesn't believe in divorce so she stays with him. To me that is wrong, I don't think God wants anyone to sacrifice love to please Him.

[jubbernaut]

I agree with you jammixmaster, that if there is a god, he wouldn't want to force people into lifelong relationships that they are unhappy with. However, I do see the benefits of having one's parents contribute to choosing who your life partner is, due to the economic andpolitical benefits it could bring. Historically, love wasn't the main reason for marriages. That said, my opinion is that individuals should be free to make the final decision for themselves. I would never force my child to marry someone if he/she blatantly disagreed.

[hmorrar]

Have fun with this one babe, I am white and I dated a Pakistani boy (Muslim) for 3 years and engaged for two. His father was pakistan and never liked me from day one. His mother being Columbian loves me. We argued constantly because we both believed in many different things with the different religions. I love him more then words can say but I knew in my heart that this relationship was never going to make it. I ended up finding out he was cheating on me and that she was pregnant and then i found out i was pregnant, they moved to Miami and got married and had a baby boy and I had twin girls and hes never bothered to call or try to even see them.

This is exactly why Islam religion forbids such acts, your relationship with him was not legal as in engagement it is not allowed to do what married couple can do, his relationship with the other girl is not legal, and his cheating on his fiancé is not legal. So this is typical case for not following Islamic shariah and of course am sorry for every pain you've been through!

[hmorrar]

Which is why an arranged marriage makes no sense to me. I'd say 7 or 8 times out of 10 the people who have an arranged marriage will never truly love each other.

Very wrong my friend Jammi, let me turn the question, who is in decreasing numbers Europeans and Asians non muslims or muslims? So you think it is better we grab a girl and try her several times or even try another and another where could be your daughter, mother or sister then decide if she is good or not?

In Islam it is very simple, you choose the one with good faith and religion, because if she had that she will treat her husband respectfully and they will love each other. You are allowed to see her and talk to her in front of her parents or relatives as much as you like (engagement) until you both can decide you want to continue, so if it didn't work well no one is hurt (or pregnant)

Am one married by arrangement, I asked God to find me who is best for me, I met her and her mother and father the first time, a month later we were married, I have two kids now thank God, if time goes back I will choose her again.

This only can work if you stick to religion and have faith in God

[jammixmaster]

very wrong my friend Jammi, let me turn the question, who is in decreasing numbers Europians and Asians non muslims or muslims? so you think it is better we grab a girl and try her several times or even try another and another where could be your daughter, mother or sister then decide if she is good or not?

in Islam it is very simple, you choose the one with good faith and religion, because if she had that she will treat her husband respectfully and they will love each other. you are allowed to see her and talk to her in front of her parents or relatives as much as you like (engagement) until you both can decide you want to continue, so if it didnt work well no one is hurt (or pregnant)

am one married by arrangement, I asked God to find me who is best for me, I met her and her mother and father the first time, a month later we were married, I have two kids now thank God, if time goes back I will choose her again.

this only can work if you stick to religion and have faith in God

I don't mean to offend your beliefs, but what I'm saying is that BEFORE anyone gets married, they should love each other in the first place. I don't understand how your God can be pleased by two people who are strong in their faith, but don't love each other, to get married. Love should be there regardless of your belief in God. So what if your husband/wife doesn't believe in your God. They'll just have to burn in hell (or whatever punishment comes after death in Islam). Love should be there first. Getting married simply because the person is faithful to God, respectful, well-mannered and all that jazz, doesn't mean he'll be a good husband. The girl I'm dating (who is Muslim) tells me nearly every woman in her family who is married to a Muslim man isn't happy because they didn't marry for love. They married because their family liked him or set it up or they didn't want to "anger" Allah (God). She even told her mother that she wasn't marrying a Muslim man and her mother agreed 100% with her. So, arranged marriages as a WHOLE don't work. Some might work out, but I bet that majority of the people involved in arranged marriages truly don't love each other and truly aren't happy.

[hmorrar]

I don't understand how your God can be pleased by two people who are strong in their faith, but don't love each other, to get married.

We said it is important to like each other, you can call that soft love as in your countries love is more passionate things and that is not allowed in religion before being coupled.

[elisha1]

GO!! For it jammixmaster. In my EYES, its MORE than OK for you two to get married. If you love her and she loves you then DO it. I am a british muslim girl and I'm going to marry whoever I fall in love with or whoever I want to marry. It MY choice. Both my Parents are cool with it. We live in a totally different society, things have changed! In the UK, Muslim Gyals especially (Pakistani gyals) marrying or dating Black Men has Increased and is continuosly increasing, This to me is AWESOME. (muslims girls been with any different races is increasing), And in the town I live in, nowadays Majority of muslim girls are actually marrying their Boyfriend or their a person of their OWN choice, and this is becoming more and more accepted by there parents. IF one person does it and there family is totally cool with it, then other's won't be too scared to actually turn around and tell their parents that they want to marry of their own choice.
jammixmaster - if her parents (DAD) disagrees, then its his LOSS. U GO for IT BOY!!
Forget these narrow minded people who Disagree.

[elisha1]

Awww damn I'm 2 weeks too late, I'm SO sorry to hear that. I Wish you both love and happiness in lives. Take care,

[Sarah_120]

Hello,
Actually I am a muslim girl and I know that my parents will never force me to marry i.e arrange because it is haraam in islam to force someone into marriage.My parents can only advice me on my potential husband.Regardless I think the reason why her parents are doing this is strictly cultural purposes.I know a lot of indian and pakistani friends doing the arrange marriage stuff. Of course its wrong but they've bin doing it for centuries waaay before Islam,lol
I totally agree that God would never want this for anyone but the ones who do this will have to answer to HIM.
Also a muslim women is only allowed to marry a muslim man.Dnt convert just because you like the girl, your submission is only for Allah. if you choose to take that path.
Peace :)

[Sarah_120]

Hello,
Actually I am a muslim girl and I know that my parents will never force me to marry i.e arrange because it is haraam in islam to force someone into marriage.My parents can only advice me on my potential husband.Regardless I think the reason why her parents are doing this is strictly cultural purposes.I know a lot of indian and pakistani friends doing the arrange marriage stuff. Of course its wrong but they've bin doing it for centuries waaay before Islam,lol
I totally agree that God would never want this for anyone but the ones who do this will have to answer to HIM.
Also a muslim women is only allowed to marry a muslim man.Dnt convert just because you like the girl, your submission is only for Allah. if you choose to take that path.
Peace :)

[elisha1]

I Agree with what you have said there. My parents Are Cool With Me Marrying Whoever I Want. Which is GREAT

[AbuBakr_Fin]

You have to be muslim to marry a muslimah. It`s because Allaah ordered it in The Qur`an. About being black or yellow or blue, or arab, or canadian, then there`s no difference in Islam between people because of racial issues. I cannot say about people, because all muslims don`t follow Islam, but this is how it goes the Religion of God. And God is The One, Who is arranging things. No-one needs to disobey Him to achieve anything good, but the opposite: No-one achieves anything worth something except by obeying Him.

[asfia.h]

Well evn though I am a muslim and in love with a Hindu guy since 16years now.. He doesn't resctrict me from reading namaz or going to any hold place... Religion is man made GOD loves everyone why would he differentiate religions himself and create a caos around.. Allah is 100 times more softer than are parents in this world we have just been committing sins but we still survive.. why? Becoz allah loves he is certainly not partial to anyone... People who are non muslims are also happy not that they are not becoz they isn't following Islam... I think god has got us here to do something good and to be a good human.. Instead we are all the time talking ill about each others religion just to find out mistakes and prove we are right.. Since we are so rigid and biased that is why today we Muslims are suffering - like doing Jihad in a very inproper way... killing people is not prooving your a muslim or we love islam... Bull **** that is one of the craziest act in life... Look at all the muslim countries are brothers and sisters are fighting for no sense and rigidness in thire mind's... Do what you feel is right maryyiing a hindu does not mean you become kafir becz to be a hindu from birth, unlik islam and christanity you can convert... and more over you can follow what you like and leave your partener to follow what she feels... Narrow mind only brings too many fights and communalism that's it and shirk which is really haram... afetr death no one knows what will happen no one is here to hudge what is right or wrong expcet for almighty... We are humnas gottaa use are brains 1st...

[Alisha.Wifey]

I wish I had read this earlier! Two years late! But I am a muslim woman who is in love with a black man and my family was aggainst it 100 percent all the way! But that was because they had no knowledge of islam, islam says you CHOOSE who you marry as long as they are also muslim. I really do hope you two are now together, if there is ANYWAY please let me know what happened to you guys's relationship. I would LOVE to find out! This is my e-mail: >Removed<Good luck! =0)