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goddess of love · Jun 26, 2006, 10:49 AM

I have been seeing a man for over a year now. He has been separated from his wife for over a year and a half. They are going for a dissolutionment, but not has happened yet. How long should I wait for a commitment? I know he does not love her, but how can I speed things up?

Northwind_Dagas · Jun 26, 2006, 11:55 AM

Have you asked for a commitment or have you two talked about a commitment? Are you just hoping it will happen? His 'paper' marriage should not prevent him from committing himself to you. I wouldn't try too hard to "speed things up" as matters of the heart take time. Where does the delay lie? Is it him dragging is feet, or is she holding up the show? If it is him, gentle encouragement should do the trick. If it is her causing the delays, there may be nothing you can do.

talaniman · Jun 26, 2006, 12:21 PM

MANVIEW- We will say anything and I do mean anything to get a female between the sheets. We also will say anything and I do mean anything to get what we want from a female;sex, money, a place to stay, sympathy, food, etc. Divorced guys are notorious and good at this. Married men are even better at it though. NOT meaning to discourage just to enlighten.

goddess of love · Jun 26, 2006, 12:40 PM

Additional information: I'm divorced with (2) children and almost 40. I don't think I can start over with dating again.

goddess of love · Jun 26, 2006, 12:44 PM

Getting to old to start over with dating again. Almost 40 with (2) young children. He also have shared parenting of (2) young children. I know I need to wait, but I want us to start a life together. Back and forth between houses gets hard. Combined incomes would also reduce some stress of always being poor.

talaniman · Jun 26, 2006, 03:32 PM

Because your 40 doesn't mean you have to settle and if its been a year and a half... hope you didn't cheat with him while he was married?? Why is he getting divorced... Sorry there are too many questions for me to really give accurate advice and your additional info sets off red flags to me .

goddess of love · Jun 26, 2006, 05:58 PM

[No, I was not the reason for the divorce. She had already moved out and they were separated when I met him. She is 10 years younger than him (she 30, he's 42), he married her because she was preganant. Divorcing I believe due to age gap, don't want the same things, etc.

valinors_sorrow · Jun 26, 2006, 06:28 PM

I think I know the answers sometimes simply by looking at myself. I don't think men and women are all that different in the long run. I could not go any faster than I did. A few expressed wishes that I go faster. But one waited for me and that is who I fell in love with and married.

I don't mean to sound too literal but the real answer here is you can't speed things up, only he can. And like North said, he is limited in this too.

If you have expressed your wishes for faster, then that is all you can do. If you trust him, then you trust that he is going as fast as he can too. If you don't trust him however, speed is definitely not the answer. Talk is. Honest, open, sincere talk.