[Rhaynebow]

In September there was a huge windstorm and our roof and other property sustained significant damage. Insurance company sent us a check October 1st and it was in my name and my boyfriends name, BUT it appeared he had set up the coverage as if I were his wife with the same last name as his. On four separate occasions, I asked him to go to the bank with me and get cashiers checks in the names of all repair persons. He said "No". Bigger problem was he wanted me to sign over the check to him "so I can control the money" were his exact words. He stated that if I didn't sign it over to him that he didn't care if the roof ever got done. My worry was that he would cash the check and run with the money. (Our roof has need to be replaced for over three years and one of our gutters has been missing for over two years. Both items were his responsibility to repair as I was paying the $4,500 to replace the pool liner that had a hole in it. He obviously never kept up his end of the bargain) He was also trying to get additional estimates to inflate the repairs so he could turn it in and get more money from the insurance company when we clearly had more than enough to do all the windsstorm repairs as well as some additional repairs to the home. I Called insurance company to see if they could re-issue check and they stated it had to be issued exactly how the policy was issued. I didn't tell them my name was not as they had it on the check. I contacted my attorney to see how to proceed and he told me to sign both names on the check as well as a pay to the order of "my legal name" and deposit the monies into an account and use it only for it's intended purpose "the roof and gutters , and the other things damaged as a result of the storm". I called my attorney again three days later to make sure it was okay to do this and he again told me to do what he advised me to do previously. In the meantime we now had gotten two water spots on the ceiling in one of the upstairs children's bedrooms. Now it is the middle of November and snow and rain were coming more frequently and I deposited the money and secured a roofer who is currently, as I type this, above me, putting on a new roof and the gutters will follow next week. PROBLEM: boyfriend is PISSED and called insurance company and told them he never saw the check and I signed his name. He had seen the check and YES, I did sign his name on the two party check. What can happen? I only wanted my roof repaired to secure the structure of the home where we live and where I also run a childcare business. I have never , ever been in trouble with the law.

[twinkiedooter]

Would highly suggest you recontact your attorney who advised you to sign his name and deposit the check. If you do have any criminal charges brought against you - it will be due to his misadvice on this matter. Definitely contact the attorney as soon as possible on this matter. Do not delay. The boyfriend should not have contacted the insurance company as they can (and maybe will) find some sort of fraud on his part and demand the money back in full. Basically he should not have demanded the money for him but had the repairs done. Who's house is it anyway and why did he have insurance on the house if it was not his? If it is his and he decided to squander the insurance repair money on anything but the roof, well then, I guess you're finally figuring out this guy's game. Hope you don't land in jail for any sort of fraud on the insurance company.

[Rhaynebow]

Since purchase in 2001,The house is in both of our "legal names". When our previous carrier told us they could not insure us at the same level due to the age of our roof, but they would put us in another higher rate coverage he switched over to this new carrier. He set up the new policy. I never saw anything. He claims he never set it up as if I were his wife. We have been together for 12 years. :(
I am spending the money as it was intended and not squandering it on God knows what. I didn't fraud the insurance company in any way. I never spoke to them to set up this policy. He says he is the "man of the house " and he negotiated this deal so he should get the money to control it.

[twinkiedooter]

Well, if he thinks that he can just spend the money anyway he wishes to, he's got another thing coming. If the house is in both names you should be okay with the roof repairs and prove to the insurance company via a paid roof repair bill you should be exonerated with the insurance company as you did after all use the money as it was intended. He'll just have to get over it and stop trying to make waves.

As far as the man of the house is concerned, after 12 years and no marriage to him, I'm sorry to say that he's got his cake and is eating it too. Living together is fine and all that, but after 12 years he's not about to make it permanent. What is it with guys these days who don't want to get married? Do they put something in the water? Haven't figured it out yet. Enough of the moral lecture as you I am sure already know about this guy and I don't need to tell you something you already know.

[Fr_Chuck]

First go to the insurance company and get your name straight on the insurance policy.

Next tell the boyfriend to shut up or get out, he is a spoiled brat who wanted to use money to buy a new TV or something most likely.

[Rhaynebow]

I can't begin to tell you how scared I am. I've got three children and I am their source for continuity of life. He was supposed to move out many moons ago and many threats ago. If you know what I mean. Trust me , my friends all told me I would know when I had had enough. I asked him months ago when he was leaving. It's all about the money to this guy. I pay for all upkeep on this property, inside and out. Found out yesterday that he had a nephew lined up to do the work. This guy is not a roofer, just does it on the side and seems to always get "injured" on his jobs. I could just imagine this bozo saying he fell or something and then suing my insurance and then the two of them splitting the money. He always calls his uncle for legal advise or representation when he gets these injuries. Thanks for talking to me. At 44 years old and never having problems with the law, I certainly don't want to have any now.

[KBC]

I agree with twinkiedooter,signing that check in his name was a bad idea,If you can't prove your lawyer said what he did,you might be in trouble(if boyfriend pursues this)

Beyond that,the insurance company should be on your side,with the damages paid for,their responsibilities are done upon sending a check,but if the party receiving it has misrepresented itself,well,that's a legal problem,for them and you 2 also.

Sure, a judgment might go either way,hopefully in your way.

Get prepared,due diligence will help you to win a possible case.Get PROOF that he did the name placement on this insurance policy,get PROOF he has been asked to leave,Get PROOF he said NO to the repairs,etc.

The more you have on him,hopefully the better the judgment in your favor.

I have seen forgery cases go both ways(I am not a lawyer,just a concerned person,who has seen this happen in many different ways)There is always at least two sides to every story,just make yours clear and as factual as you can.

[excon]

Hello R:

I've been reading...

You don't have an insurance problem... You don't have a fraud problem. You don't have a roof problem. You don't have an attorney problem.

You have a man problem. From that problem, flows all the others mentioned plus lots more that haven't even been mentioned yet...

When, and/or if, you disengage yourself from him, you're going to need an attorney to straighten out ALL this crap. I suggest, however, that if you try to do it piecemeal, you won't get ANY of it done.

I mean, really. How are you going to do all this, and then jump in bed with him at the end of the day? Well, you ain't.

excon

[Rhaynebow]

WOW! Hearing all these perspectives let's me know that moving to the couch 2 years ago, yes, two years ago was a great idea. I know this relationship situation makes me look less than "smart" but trust me when I tell you , no one can beat me up more than "ME". Because caught in the middle of this mess are our two boys, 11 and 8 1/2. I have been keeping detailed documentation regarding all upkeep monies spent on our property because he doesn't help with any of that. And I can only hope that the insurance company requests copies of the necessary repair bills/receipts that I have paid related to the storm damage.
There are so many levels to this relationship problem that I could probably write a book, but right now I need to focus on the main issue.

[Rhaynebow]

This morning he tells me that he is going to file an affidavit stating that he did not sign the check. He told me I should have just signed the check over to him. It is all about the money for him, not the roof, and surely not the safety of the children.

[Fr_Chuck]

So if these are his kids, tell him you will be signing for child support and throw his rear out. He wanted to spend the money on something else,

But of course you merely don't say anything without your attoreny, go see him today,
And then he will have to prove you did not. The DA will have to get evidence, and if you show it was an insurance check and used for that purpose ** I will assume you got the roof fixed?

[Rhaynebow]

Yes I did get the roof and the gutters repaired. Called my attorney this morning and while we were talking "the boyfriend" called. I put him on speaker phone and the attorney got to hear him ranting at me about him being "the man". He asked for one reason for him not to file an affidavit against me. He said if my attorney advised me to do this then he wants to see how far my attorney can protect me. So now he's going to file this affidavit "out of curiosity". The guy is just plain cuckoo.

[excon]

The guy is just plain cuckoo.

Hello again, R:

WHO slept with him last night?? After what you're going through, some might think YOU'RE the one who's cuckoo. I'm one of those people.

excon

[Rhaynebow]

Two years ago I started sleeping on the couch. He sleeps by himself every night. Back in February I took down the bed in the master bedroom because it was mine from before I met him and left the room empty. In June he purchased another bed. I don't sleep with him and that is a big part of the problem. He can't control me in that way or any other way and that is what he keeps referring to when he mentions the fact that he is the man/the head of this household. I filed for child support back in April and we went to court in August.. he's so arrogant he is representing himself. He asked for a continuance and our next hearing is in January. I'm trying to get away.

[excon]

I'm trying to get away.

Hello again, R:

Trying is failing.

excon

[JudyKayTee]

Two years ago I started sleeping on the couch. He sleeps by himself every night. Back in February I took down the bed in the master bedroom because it was mine from before I met him and left the room empty. In June he purchased another bed. I don't sleep with him and that is a big part of the problem. He can't control me in that way or any other way and that is what he keeps referring to when he mentions the fact that he is the man/the head of this household. I filed for child support back in april and we went to court in august.. he's so arrogant he is representing himself. He asked for a continuance and our next hearing is in January. I'm trying to get away.

I don't understand why you don't just leave but, anyway, I'm sure there's more to this than I'm reading.

I will say that every friend of mine who ever got involved with a married man heard the same story - we have separate rooms.

Maybe in your case it's true. It's my understanding, though, that you aren't married so, again, I don't know why you don't just leave.

[Rhaynebow]

I haven't left because he said that he was moving out back in 2007 then in January and February of this year. He was rehabing his mothers old house to move into. Then his sister said she didn't want him to move in. It is still vacant and has been broken into several times. My source of income is my home childcare business that I have successfully built up for over 11 years. Since the purchase of this home in 2001 I have paid for every penny of the interior and exterior upkeep and have been looking into buying him out. If he doesn't get out in the next few months the kids and I will be getting an apartment to live in and I will only run my business out of the house. I don't want my kids to keep living under these conditions. Walking away from a mortgage and all the bills pertaining to the home is not an option. With the economy in such dire straights there is nowhere I could earn the kind of money I earn at this point, to afford to raise three children without some form of assistance. I need to keep my employment and good credit in order to provide for my children. Believe me, after several instances of abuse there came a time when the light bulb finally went on (and stayed on) to start taking steps to get away and that is why I filed for support back in April. And JudyKayTee you are right, there is so much more to this story that I couldn't begin to write everything down here but I will tell you, for the sake of my kids I am trying my best to get away from him.

[excon]

Hello again, R:

I understand why you waited... But, it's TIME for YOU to act instead of waiting for HIM to act. If you wait, it doesn't look like it's going to happen.

So, let me put your mind at rest regarding the supposed criminal charge you've got hanging over your head. In MY view, there isn't a prosecutor in the world who would prosecute you for this - and I HATE prosecutors. I think they'd prosecute their own mothers if it would advance their careers.

Plus, IF you're going to have troubles down the road, then that's down the road. As I see it, HE'S the immediate problem. If you don't separate yourself and your children from him, like RIGHT NOW, then I don't think you really care much about your other problems.

If you want him out, I'll tell you how to get him out... But, I'm not interested in excuses. I'm not going to spend my time with you, if you're just going to continue to lay down for him...

Next, is your attorney. I heard about him... But, I don't know what you hired him for, and what he's doing to extricate you from your situation.

So, tell me TWO things, 1) what IS your attorney DOING? and 2) are you serious about getting him out?? I don't mean in your head. I mean are you willing to do what's necessary to rid yourself of him? (No, I don't mean bumping him off or anything illegal.)

excon

[JudyKayTee]

I haven't left because he said that he was moving out back in 2007 then in january and february of this year. He was rehabing his mothers old house to move into. Then his sister said she didn't want him to move in. It is still vacant and has been broken into several times. My source of income is my home childcare business that I have successfully built up for over 11 years. Since the purchase of this home in 2001 I have paid for every penny of the interior and exterior upkeep and have been looking into buying him out. If he doesn't get out in the next few months the kids and I will be getting an apartment to live in and I will only run my business out of the house. I don't want my kids to keep living under these conditions. Walking away from a mortgage and all the bills pertaining to the home is not an option. With the economy in such dire straights there is nowhere I could earn the kind of money I earn at this point, to afford to raise three children without some form of assistance. I need to keep my employment and good credit in order to provide for my children. Believe me, after several instances of abuse there came a time when the light bulb finally went on (and stayed on) to start taking steps to get away and that is why I filed for support back in april. And JudyKayTee you are right, there is so much more to this story that I couldn't begin to write everything down here but I will tell you, for the sake of my kids I am tryin my best to get away from him.

Sounds awful and now I have a better understanding - I suppose as long as there's no physical abuse (although the mental abuse can be just as bad) you have to see how this plays out.

I'm sure in this economy people who weren't trapped in a relationship suddenly are.

[Rhaynebow]

I hired my attorney to begin the child support proceedings. He has handled many types of legal situations so I felt like I should call him about this and he said exactly what you said about a prosecutor not going after me. I am very curious how to "Legally" get rid of him. The last time the police were here because he threatened to kill me if he ever went to jail for hitting me( His exact words were, "if I go to jail for hitting you , you won't be around to see it.") they told me to try and evict him. My attorney said he didn't know how that was possible because we both own the property. So PLEASE, DO TELL!!