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Bmac2 · Nov 21, 2008, 11:04 AM

OK ladies I need your help. I'm 25, my boyfriend is 26. We've been together for 4 1/2 years and he still says he isn't ready to get married! I think I should at least get the engagement!! OK let me give you a bit of a back story.

We went to high school together. We weren't good friends but knew of each other. Our paths crossed once again when I was 20 and we started dating. We both immediately realized we were soulmates. I always saw him in the halls at school and thought 'hm there's something about that guy' and he would say the same for me. We feel connected on every level and know we are going to be together. We've known this since day 1. the red flag was when we were first dating and we had a conversation where he said he could see himself never marrying. Since, he has changed the story but I'm not stupid and realize that this may be ploy to keep me around for selfish reasons. He is now 26, still lives at home, and just recently got a good job. I am 25, been on my own since I was 19 and have a good steady job. I do not believe in moving in together as I was brought up very traditionally. I realize, however, I may have a bit of a demented view of marriage since my parents have been together since they were 14 and are still married! His parents are married too, although they married much later-about 28.

I've told him I want an engagement by the end of the year, but I'm so in touch with him I can tell he doesn't take me seriously. I am completely prepared to walk away January 1 though. We will be together five years in march and I am still young, attractive, and have a lot going for me so I cannot allow much more time to go by if he isn't going to pop the question! I mean, if I wait much longer no one is going to want me!

Am I being too harsh or stupid? :confused:

Justwantfair · Nov 21, 2008, 11:29 AM

My boyfriend and I will be together five years in April, we FINALLY moved in together in September of this year. Although it is frustrating to be developing in the relationship at different speeds I have stressed and pushed and eventually came to terms with the fact he is going to do this at his own pace. I am happy now just being with him and being together. I know that some day we will be married but it won't be tomorrow and I can rest easy knowing that with a divorce rate that is going through the roof we waited and didn't just jump in head first. Our relationship is based on a whole package not just one element.

As far as "no one will want you" that couldn't be anymore inaccurate. What you have to decide really is if you are happy being with him... and if you are than you have to accept him for who he is and this is a part of it.

450donn · Nov 21, 2008, 12:55 PM

Of course he isn't. He is not ready for that sort of commitment yet, you are. 4-1/2 years is a long time, but would you rather be married for that long and then suddenly find out he feels like this? Forcing him to commit is not the answer either. You have the choice to make here. Stick it out or move on. Depending on your living arrangements he may never commit to more than what he already has.

asking · Nov 21, 2008, 01:08 PM

Stick to your decision to break up on Jan 1.

I know it's hard, but if marriage is what you want, and you stay while not getting that, you will just feel angry with him all the time.

When he knows you mean it (and you must), he might reconsider. Maybe. But he is not going to want to be forced into marriage any more than you want to be forced into living apart for another 5 or 10 years or cohabiting. Your stance is not unreasonable. Unfortunately, neither is his. Soulmates or not you are not the perfect match due to a major difference in goals.

Do you want kids? Does he?

Fr_Chuck · Nov 21, 2008, 01:45 PM

You will find most likely in 10 years he still will not want to be married, he appears to have no desire to be married and is happy with life the way it is now. I will also quess, that although you don't live together, you are having a active sex life ?

Justwantfair · Nov 21, 2008, 01:50 PM

Is he a "Mommy's boy?"

I think it is unfair to assume that he will not ever want the relationship to progress but he doesn't at this time.

Like I said I have been there and this is the feedback I got when I posted too, just to leave the deadend, but despite everyone's advice to run and hit the road, we are progressing and happy, but I had to accept that pushing for what I wanted was getting me further away from it. I stopped pushing and he saw the light on his own.