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love_pup_321 · Nov 18, 2008, 07:19 AM

I want to know when a person know when to get a divorce. If your not happy in the marriage and you have tried to fix what is bothering you by talking to the other person and to other people. What are some key factors that hint to you its time to end the marriage?

I feel represed in my marriage, we have 1 child, I feel stuck in the marriage like I'm sufficating.

talaniman · Nov 18, 2008, 07:58 AM

How old are you, and how long have you been married??

What are your specific problems please??

love_pup_321 · Nov 18, 2008, 02:24 PM

I am 23 and we have been married for 4 years been together for 8.
Now I am having some problems with my hubby, I am not attracted to him anymore, sexually or have an emotional connection, we talk but that's as far as our relationship is going. We have not done anything sexually for over a month because doing so with him is not a turn on it is more of a turn off ( like your sleeping with your brother) I feel sufficated even when he kisses me. Right now I feel like we would make better friends than husband and wife, but with a child it makes things a little more difficult.
He is always watching over my shoulder, when I go to the bathroom he follows right behind and brings the baby in with, which is frustrating and I have told him this.
He never helps around the house, taking out the garbage, help with dishes, he will only do laundry if he needs clothes and he only puts his stuff in the washer instead of taking the whole laundry basket. He does not like my best friend whom I have known since jr high, and he does not like me to hang out with my other friends most which are guys but we have been friends for many years and during our marriage I have never given him the idea I would cheat on him so there should be no suspition on him part.
I know I should see a counseler but I don't have money in my budget to do so, but I have talked to some of my friends and family about some of the things I am feeling but I feel like they are a little byist on the situation.

talaniman · Nov 18, 2008, 05:52 PM

And what is it your telling him, if I may ask, about this relationship? Does he know your not happy?

Sorry for all the questions, just trying to be clear about the situation?

love_pup_321 · Nov 19, 2008, 09:23 AM

I have told him he is sufficating me when he is in my space all the time, I also told him I enjoy going out with some friends and listening to open mic night, and playing pool, and have something to drink, I have also mentioned that I want to seriously pursue learning how to dance which he has already said he has no interest in. Since we have not been intament for over a month I know that he is understanding that something is wrong. And he has always known that him not helping with the baby or around the house has bugged me and I just keep telling him everyonce in a while after I just get way to fed up with doing everything on my own. He didn't even clean the camper after he got back from a hunting trip, he said whenever I get the time to clean it, but that it needs to be done before we can put it away for the season. I didn't even go with him, he went with 2 other guys. Why should I have to tear down the bed, and clean the floor and straighten up?

Is it time for a separation before divorce, to get some space, and for him to see what it is like without me here? If so how do you start that conversation?

talaniman · Nov 19, 2008, 10:51 AM

Last question, do you work? Full or part time.

love_pup_321 · Nov 20, 2008, 01:32 PM

Right now I am not working, I am however in search of a job. But I do go out with a girlfriend of mine and go shopping and run errands around town. I also am working on fixing up the house, one project at a time. I just say this because I know you are going to say that my staying home could be part of the problem, reallity is though I am not home that much and when I am I stay busy with things I am interested in doing around the house craft projects and such its not that I sit at home on my butt and get board. I will however be thankfull when I do get a job and start making my own money because my husband does not help with buying diapers and milk for our child so that has come out of what money I had saved up from the last time I worked.

talaniman · Nov 20, 2008, 02:16 PM

You guys don't seem to work that well together. You sound bitter though, as if your holding back a lot of resentments. When the communications break down though, not much chance of resolving your differences.

Stress from tight finances ,is actually the most powerful force that breaks couples up, and something to consider. Wow its tough if both conditions are in play. (tight finances, and lack of communications)

My advice is to lay the cards on the table for him, and be honest about it. You do have an exit plan don't you? Have you consulted an attorney about divorce arrangements? Do so, at least you'll know your rights, and obligations.

There is also couples counseling as an alternative you know?