[Dalliesgrrl]

My husband is going to deploy next March for 12-18 months. For the past two years, we have been each others best friends and truly inseparable. We are one of those couples that would rather spend our time together then with others; we're not antisocial by any means. We have a 10 month old little girl together, and two other little girls from his previous marriage. This deployment will be the first we've been through together (we were both deployed before we were together, so we both know what to expect). Any advice on how we can get through this time apart? Any ideas on things we could do before he leaves to help us prepare? Also, are there things I can do while he is gone to help his transition back home?

Thank you!:o

[jrebel7]

Hi there! First let me say thank you for being willing to serve our country. I see you are from Arkansas. I dated a man from Fayetteville, Arkansas who was a Marine. I cannot speak from a "service" standpoint, only the stand point of a husband being gone for long periods. May sound silly but I always had a comfy shirt that I had him put his cologne/aftershave on, one that I could hold or put on at night and draw it close to me when I got so lonesome. He would put the cologne on it in my presence so I even had a visual of him putting it on the shirt... just made me feel closer to him. Of course, the kids will want to write lots of letters and get lots of fun stickers for the letters to make it a fun time for them and your husband, CD's, videos, etc. Cards that they can record their voice message on for him. There is no real way to prepare to be apart but quiet moments together, making memories that will linger in your mind as each of you deal with your daily living while apart. Sometimes, just time touching each others face and looking in each others eyes so anytime, you can visualize that moment when you write each other... again, just makes one feel closer. For him, make hand prints of the children to send every month as their little hands grow so fast. Make sure to put your perfume on letters you write. Some of these "fufu" ideas are what worked for me when I dated the guy in the service. Pray together as a family before your husband leaves, asking God's protection every second of every day for each other... all members in the family. Take photos of him holding each child individually so they can each have a special photo framed for their room to look at every day of a moment that was special just for them and their dad. Let them take it for "show and tell" at school. Even the baby as she will one day treasure the photo knowing you both love her so much, you wanted that moment encapsulated on photo just for her as she grows up. Have him take photos of you that he can carry close to his heart.

As far as the transition back home, I would say just to have details caught up, household stuff, so he doesn't come home to anything upsetting. Quiet times will be so important. He will need to decompress and rest. When people are apart, each begin to take on their independent spirits as a way of coping with the separation so when all of a sudden both are back in the same house, you tend to run into each other literally!! LOL Just being a little light hearted here but it does happen. You might find yourself saying, "But I do it this way." LOL Coming back together is as much an adjustment as being apart... more fun... but still an adjustment. I pray God's blessings and protection of each of you.

I know others will post that have had the actual experience you are needing to hear. I just saw your question and my heart went out to each of you so wanted to share, just the little bit I could. Best to you.

[450donn]

I was in Viet Nam long before there was such a thing as the internet, so I don't know exactly how that is working. However I would suggest a good quality laptop for him to take. There are several brands that are armored so sand and stuff won't effect them as much. That way you can communicate in person. Communication is probably the biggest thing. People as you know in a war zone tend to feel distant from their mates and as such when they come home never really are able to come home. Letter (email) a day is important, if nothing more than to say I love you!
Transition home? Depends on whether he is a front line troop or a support person. Front liners need way more support and help in the transition. Do not be afraid to get him talking about things, his experiences that sort of thing. I know that a vet has a better chance to share experiences with other vets. Wives just don't understand what combat is like!
Most of all LOVE him now and for ever and be sure every day that he knows that in his heart. It will make it much easier to come home.
OH, and please thank him for me and tell him that I will pray for his safety.