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Justwantfair · Nov 11, 2008, 08:46 PM

I am in my thirties, but I have never found oral on me to be very satisfying. I have been with the same guy for a long time and he loves to give oral (probably because he wants it just as much) but I never enjoy it. I don't know if it is just me, I have never enjoyed it with anyone. I find that direct clitoral stimulation is painful and have always masterbated outside of that area. Is it typical to find direct uncomfortable? I have tried helping him be less direct and teach him that I think I would like it better slow and around but he isn't learning well cause he often gets carried away and I just get uncomfortable. I know that he would like to bring me to orgasm through oral but it just isn't going to happen at this rate and I haven't ever that way. Any suggestions? Is this normal? I feel like I know my body well, but it isn't comforting to know that he suggests that others have gotten off this way. Help.

kraussnumber2 · Nov 11, 2008, 08:54 PM

I don't think there is anything wrong with that... I have at times found that direct contact to be a little painful but not too bad and usually if I can just "hang on" a few seconds it turns from painful to pleasurable. Just remind him when he starts getting carried away that what he is doing isn't really doing anything for you... guys don't typically like to "waste time" doing something that isn't going to get you anywhere. There are like stimulant gels that you can put on your clitorus (sp?) and then remind him to go slow and around and that might get you to orgasm that way. Does contact during intercourse hurt? If so you might want to ask you gyno... and if it is really bothering you or hurting your relationship you might want to talk to your doc anyway.

Justwantfair · Nov 11, 2008, 08:58 PM

No direct contact during intercourse doesn't bother me, at times it is uncomfortable with manual stimulation as well. I am having a hard time directing him because I have never gotten off that way. I don't really think that there is anything physically wrong with me, i.e. to see a doctor, but I just wondered if it was normal for other women and how they got off orally, so I can make some suggestions for him.

kraussnumber2 · Nov 11, 2008, 09:08 PM

Maybe you can try "warming up" some other way before he goes down on you... I have found that to be helpful from time to time when I have had some discomfort. Its hard to give "tips" cause every one likes different things. Maybe ask him to not to use the tip of his tongue so much so that it isn't so hard or flicky... kinda hard to explain that feeling... but more so further back so it will have to be slower and softer. Or maybe instead of moving his tongue to just stick it out but move his head around so again it will be slower and softer. I hope that helps.
Ps I like your quote... "All of my life I wanted to be somebody, now I realize I should have been more specific!!" :)

Justwantfair · Nov 11, 2008, 10:06 PM

Thanks for the assistance, I will try to be helpful directing him.

simoneaugie · Nov 11, 2008, 10:53 PM

It happens. Some of us are more sensitive there than others. I would recommend mutual masturbation. That way he can see what works well for you.

Other that that, guide him step by step. If he wants to give you an orgasm that way, he will listen.

smoothy · Nov 12, 2008, 08:07 AM

Every woman wants it differently, some fast, some slow, some hard, some light, some direct, others only indirect.. He has to be willing to listen and you have to be able to give him direction if he isn't aware engough to see how you respond. Not all guys are. I find it pretty easy to tell on most women, but it does take longer without some direction to figure out exactly what rings her bell the best.

excon · Nov 12, 2008, 08:22 AM

Originally Posted by Justwantfair

I have tried helping him be less direct and teach him that I think I would like it better slow and around but he isn't learning well..... Help.

Hello Just:

Bingo! You just have a dufus for a lover. Oh, I'm sure he's a wonderful man, but he ain't a good lover. That's just so.

Either you need to SIT HIM DOWN, and show him EXACTLY what you want, and HOW to do it, or it AIN'T going to happen.

excon

Justwantfair · Nov 12, 2008, 08:29 AM

LOL, shhhh, that part was supposed to be a secret!

kp2171 · Nov 12, 2008, 02:21 PM

Its really easy to be impatient, speaking as a guy who has rushed things to "keep her interested"

The problem is each woman can be very different from the next. One woman absolutely loved a strong "tongue lashing" while the next lover would, and did, smack me upside the head for such direct contact.

We are force fed the All Mighty Cl!toris. Well, yes... its key contact for most women, but there is no "one size fits all"...

I absolutely love giving oral on a woman. Perhaps, as you mentioned, it's a "quid pro quo" mentality... that if I give to her, shell eventually reciprocate in fair return.

no... its not just that. I just love watching a woman arch her back in orgasm with my mouth on her. It can be that simple.

But your situation, where its just much too sensative, isn't uncommon. The cl!toris has twice the innervation as the pen1s within a much smaller area.

My current lover, for ex, couldn't take quick stim at the cl!toris... but with slow, extended stim at the peripheral regions... to the sides (labia) and below (perinium), by the time I'm at her cl!toris she's all but pulling me into her...

So... he might need to be told to be very patient, very slow... and don't be afraid to tell him "suck gently here"... or... with intercourse can you self stimulate while he is inside you? Its my experience that a woman's fingers on herself during intercourse can often make a pleasurable experience an orgasmic one.

He simply might need to take more time to sensitize your body... outside your cl!toris. Skin on skin. His hands over your body with slow, deliberate intention.

As I mentioned... while one girl absolutely loved fast, direct, strong cl!toral stim... the next girl HATED it... and guys learn one way or another that it all about the cl!toris... whether its right or wrong.

If you aren't ready mentally and physically, direct stim is going to distract you and push you in the wrong direction. Don't be afraid to self stim, even during intercourse.

Justwantfair · Nov 12, 2008, 03:02 PM

Yeah I am pretty open every where else, this it the last orgasmic element to go. Thanks for all the help.

Hazel1220 · Nov 12, 2008, 11:11 PM

I cannot take direct stimulation. It does not feel good AT ALL! However, I love receiving oral sex when it is done right. Everything written in the response posts is correct. He needs to learn otherwise it just isn't as fun as we all know it can be.
I just wanted to let you know that I totally agree with you 100% and that you are not weird or anything like that.
One thing I find is that a soft wet gentle tongue I can handle more towards the top of the . Also I have found that asking them to finger you at the same time gives them something else to focus on other than just the so that it isn't as one dimensional and hopefully with a little more finesse. Good Luck!

Justwantfair · Nov 13, 2008, 07:03 AM

Sounds like wonderful ideas, and thank you cause that is exactly what I wanted to her. It might be a bad thing but you can see in a lot of porn where men are on women with direct manual or oral stimulation and I think geesh that would make me cry, just about... just made me think I was different, in a bad way.

Hazel1220 · Nov 13, 2008, 04:20 PM

Yeah in porn they really hammer away (sorry first word that came to mind) at it and I agree I think I would cry and then smac someone for not being more gentle with the delicates. But we all know how realisitc porn is:)

Choux · Nov 13, 2008, 04:55 PM

If I'm nothing, I'm mature. :)

Cunnilingus was not for me; I had a very sensitive clitoris and wasn't interested in having my private area manhandled, so to speak. IN addition, I didn't think it was very sanitary, for me, not for my husband's mouth. The mouth is the most germy area of the human body, you know.

Sex, I say develop yourself as a sexual female and only do what you like with a partner. As for fellatio, I liked that a lot.

talaniman · Nov 14, 2008, 12:19 PM

The problem is not your sexuality at all, but him listening.

That's why men have ears, what they can't her you say, grab one and guide him where you want him.

In case you hadn't noticed, we have TWO ears for a better grip. Oh, talk first, if that doesn't work... grab the ears.

smoothy · Nov 14, 2008, 12:21 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

The problem is not your sexuality at all, but him listening.

Thats why men have ears, what they can't her you say, grab one and guide him where you want him.

In case you hadn't noticed, we have TWO ears for a better grip. Oh, talk first, if that doesn't work...............grab the ears.

Ha ha... yep, love handles aren't always at the waistline. :D

Think of his ears as training wheels. He's got to learn at some point. He won't listen so you got to lead him.

Or think of them like the rope on a bronco or bull. And go for a ride... Yee haw...

Justwantfair · Nov 14, 2008, 12:39 PM

Just need to get more vocal and possible physical in getting what I want in the bedroom.

Thank you for the tips.

excon · Nov 14, 2008, 12:47 PM

Hello again, Just:

I made this suggestion earlier regarding another part of the body. I'm only half joking. It'll certainly get the conversation started...

With a magic marker, draw arrows toward your clitoris. Write, lick here, gently please.

excon

Justwantfair · Nov 14, 2008, 12:50 PM

LOL, hmmmm, an interesting suggestion, maybe I will give some direction to all kinds of parts of my body, might be a fun game some night.