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    ScottGem's Avatar
    ScottGem Posts: 64,966, Reputation: 6056
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    #41

    Nov 21, 2008, 04:35 PM

    It looks like the second or third choices are applicable.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,301, Reputation: 7692
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    #42

    Nov 21, 2008, 06:18 PM

    You want custody, you want to protect your child, you get an attorney.

    Check out your local legal aid society, many offer free legal help.
    twinkiedooter's Avatar
    twinkiedooter Posts: 12,172, Reputation: 1054
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    #43

    Nov 21, 2008, 06:41 PM

    The do-it-yourself legal stuff only saves money. I don't think it works in the end. You're trying to do something professional without the proper training or knowledge of the law.

    Save your money for an attorney or try to get legal aid somewhere for this convoluted situation. Chances are it's going to be very hard for even a professional (lawyer) to wrench this kid away from his mother.

    Your intentions are good and all, but in the real world and the world of the courts, it's going to be very hard to accomplish. Good luck anyway if you do try on your own.
    rhiannahunt's Avatar
    rhiannahunt Posts: 124, Reputation: 2
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    #44

    Nov 21, 2008, 06:48 PM

    OK I know its going to be hard but can't we get the paperwork going and then hire a attorney?
    rhiannahunt's Avatar
    rhiannahunt Posts: 124, Reputation: 2
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    #45

    Nov 21, 2008, 06:50 PM
    Also I talked to a lawyer and he said it was going to cost 2000.00 to have him do the paper work.
    N0help4u's Avatar
    N0help4u Posts: 19,823, Reputation: 2035
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    #46

    Nov 21, 2008, 08:05 PM

    I don't know how much it would help or hinder you by doing the paperwork yourself. I can tell you that when you go into court have a hired lawyer to represent you. The court appointed ones that I have seen seem to work against you.
    rhiannahunt's Avatar
    rhiannahunt Posts: 124, Reputation: 2
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    #47

    Dec 8, 2008, 12:17 PM
    In washingon what age can a child choose which parent he/she wants to live with?
    Ok so my fiancé and I moved out of state to make ends meet. His child lives with his mother in Washington. We call as much as we can, most the times that we do she never picks up the phone. But when his son is over at my fiancés moms house, that's when we get to talk to him, which is nice. Whenever we get to talk to him when he is with his mother she always puts him on speakerphone and we can't hear anything. We haven't confronted her about it yet. Don't know if we should. We know that she does this because she wants to hear everything that we say. We will ask the child simple questions like "What did you do today", and he won't say anything and he will ask his mom what to say. We don't talk to her about it, because she has a tendency to blow things out of proportion. The other day the son was over at my fiancés mothers house and the son called. We picked up and said "hello" and he goes "hi, daddy" And all of a sudden he says "I hate my mommy and step daddy" reminding everyone that the step father did abuse the child 6 months ago. Every time that we talk to the child, without his mother listening, he tells us "he wants to live with daddy"
    We talked to my fiancés mother and she tells us that while she was giving the child a bath he said that his feet hurt, she asked why. He replied because my shoes are too small. Well we recently visited and bought him new shoes because the mother would cram his feet into shoes that were way to small, and we made sure that they were almost a size too big, but also made sure that they stayed on. My fiancés mother said "well daddy bought you new shoes, aren't you wearing them"? Then the child said, "mommy makes me wear the small ones until she knows im coming over here to see you".

    Can we use any of this information when we fight for custody?

    We used to have a court order for child support back at the beginning of '08 and it lasted for 2 months. She canceled it because she couldn't afford a babysitter... reminding all of you that she worked 4, 10 hours shifts and would drop him off at my fiancés mothers, then we would get him on the weekends. My question I would like to ask her, but won't is... when does she spend time with her son? Anyway she asked my almost mother in law to watch the child full time in exchange she won't ask for child support. So we agreed, because secretly we never really wanted him in such a bad environment with his mother, and of course we love him. Now she thinks that we owe her back child support because now she's remarried, has a new baby and not working. Doesn't it have to be in the court system to get back child support?
    We have been willingly been sending money to her to help. She recently asked me if it would be good for her to just get his wages garnished. She asked me this because we send 250, what we can afford because of the move, and she wants 400. Does this seem logical?
    As far as if they she files for garnishment...


    Do they put it in consideration that she is remarried and he makes just as much as we do?

    Do they put it in consideration that we also have a daughter of our own?
    Do they put it in consideration that she is capable of working?
    Do they put it in consideration that the child is at the fathers mothers house often?

    If she files for this and we fight for custody, which is very soon....well i dont know how to ask this but we get custody will the child support stop?

    Or say... we get granted at least 50/50 custody, will we have to send her money the six months that we have him?

    we honestly don't feel comfortable with my fiances son living at home with his mom, i hear that we can do a ex parte, is that a lot different then just fighting for custody will they figure out what to do with the son quicker?


    will this case go quicker because of the abuse if the child and his welfare because of his environment of mental and physical abuse.

    Her spouse can't even see his own children, which he has two other. We are concerned because we have questions about his past. We know he has a restraining order with one child, the child that was there to witness the abuse with my fiancés son.

    Also the mother and father never went to court to file for who has full custody.

    My fiance is going up to Washington to see if he can get the police reports. is that possible?
    what about court dockets?

    Sorry I have so many questions. Thank you for listening:)
    ScottGem's Avatar
    ScottGem Posts: 64,966, Reputation: 6056
    Computer Expert and Renaissance Man
     
    #48

    Dec 8, 2008, 12:57 PM
    Well first, to answer the question you asked in the subject, a minor child CANNOT choose. The decision to change any custody arrangement is up to a judge. The judge may or may not listen to the child depending on age, but the judge will make the decision.

    A lot of factors go into a judge's decision about amending custody/support/visitation. The judge should be willing to take into consideration any factual evidence that can help determine what's in the child's best interests.

    So you job is to compile that evidence and make sure its presented.

    I will also note that this is at least the third thread you have started relative to this issue. You have gotten similar advice from your previous threads. Please try and keep these threads together in the future.
    JudyKayTee's Avatar
    JudyKayTee Posts: 46,503, Reputation: 4600
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    #49

    Dec 8, 2008, 12:59 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by rhiannahunt View Post
    Ok so my fiance and i moved out of state to make ends meet. His child lives with his mother in washington. We call as much as we can, most the times that we do she never picks up the phone. But when his son is over at my fiances moms house, that's when we get to talk to him, which is nice. Whenever we get to talk to him when he is with his mother she always puts him on speakerphone and we can't hear anything. We haven't confronted her about it yet. Dont know if we should. We know that she does this because she wants to hear everything that we say. We will ask the child simple questions like "What did you do today", and he wont say anything and he will ask his mom what to say. We dont talk to her about it, because she has a tendency to blow things out of proportion. The other day the son was over at my fiances mothers house and the son called. we picked up and said "hello" and he goes "hi, daddy" And all of a sudden he says "I hate my mommy and step daddy" reminding everyone that the step father did abuse the child 6 months ago. Every time that we talk to the child, without his mother listening, he tells us "he wants to live with daddy"
    We talked to my fiances mother and she tells us that while she was giving the child a bath he said that his feet hurt, she asked why. He replied because my shoes are too small. well we recently visited and bought him new shoes because the mother would cram his feet into shoes that were way to small, and we made sure that they were almost a size too big, but also made sure that they stayed on. My fiances mother said "well daddy bought you new shoes, aren't you wearing them"? Then the child said, "mommy makes me wear the small ones until she knows im coming over here to see you".

    Can we use any of this information when we fight for custody?

    We used to have a court order for child support back at the beginning of '08 and it lasted for 2 months. She canceled it because she couldn't afford a babysitter...reminding all of you that she worked 4, 10 hours shifts and would drop him off at my fiances mothers, then we would get him on the weekends. My question i would like to ask her, but wont is...when does she spend time with her son? anyways she asked my almost mother in law to watch the child full time in exchange she wont ask for child support. so we agreed, because secretly we never really wanted him in such a bad environment with his mother, and of course we love him. Now she thinks that we owe her back child support because now shes remarried, has a new baby and not working. Doesn't it have to be in the court system to get back child support?
    We have been willingly been sending money to her to help. she recently asked me if it would be good for her to just get his wages garnished. She asked me this because we send 250, what we can afford because of the move, and she wants 400. Does this seem logical?
    As far as if they she files for garnishment....


    Do they put it in consideration that she is remarried and he makes just as much as we do?

    Do they put it in consideration that we also have a daughter of our own?
    Do they put it in consideration that she is capable of working?
    Do they put it in consideration that the child is at the fathers mothers house often?

    If she files for this and we fight for custody, which is very soon....well i dont know how to ask this but we get custody will the child support stop?

    Or say... we get granted at least 50/50 custody, will we have to send her money the six months that we have him?

    we honestly don't feel comfortable with my fiances son living at home with his mom, i hear that we can do a ex parte, is that a lot different then just fighting for custody will they figure out what to do with the son quicker?


    will this case go quicker because of the abuse if the child and his welfare because of his environment of mental and physical abuse.

    Her spouse can't even see his own children, which he has two other. We are concerned because we have questions about his past. We know he has a restraining order with one child, the child that was there to witness the abuse with my fiances son.

    Also the mother and father never went to court to file for who has full custody.

    My fiance is going up to Washington to see if he can get the police reports. is that possible?
    what about court dockets?

    Sorry i have so many questions. Thank you for listening:)


    Where to start?

    First - you have absolutely no legal standing or rights when it comes to this child. This is all up to your fiancé.

    If the mother wants additional support she must file with the Court and ask for an increase. Your fiancé then presents his documentation and the Court decides. If there was Court ordered support and your fiancé didn’t pay it, yes, he owes it. She - in most States - can’t apply for back support. She either asked at the time or didn’t. You can’t go back X number of years.

    Logic usually has nothing to the with the Law or how people act in custody/support cases nor is it a legal argument.

    You refer to “your” income, “your” fight for custody. You have no legal standing here. It’s his income, his fight for custody, his visitation rights, his request for custody, the second child he is supporting. You will not get custody under any circumstances I can foresee. Will your fiancé - I don’t know.

    Is the mother unfit? Is she a danger to the child? Is the home situation dangerous to the child? S far as the shoes or any other statements - I don’t know if what the child says will bear a lot of weight, but I also don’t know the age of the child.

    Can you prove it? The fact that the child spends a lot of time with someone else means that she makes child care arrangements when she is unable to spend time with the child. That doesn’t make her unfit UNLESS those arrangements are harmful to the child.

    If the child is in danger your fiancé must file his own petition for custody, everyone will go to Court, your fiancé will present his proof, the other side will say whatever it is they have to say, a Judge will decide. Along the way it is very possible that all of the parties will be evaluated, perhaps a legal guardian will be appointed, a decision will be made as to what is best for the child. The Court will obtain the appropriate background documents - Police Reports, arrest records, that kind of thing.

    My suggestion would be for your fiancé to retain an Attorney. There are many questions here which need to be answered and if the child is abused or in danger of abuse, he must do something.
    rhiannahunt's Avatar
    rhiannahunt Posts: 124, Reputation: 2
    Junior Member
     
    #50

    Dec 8, 2008, 02:49 PM
    I understand that you think that I have no rights, but he is 4 and is a smart kid. I am simply just asking some advice, because my fiancé is working. I am trying to help him. I know its his money and his child. I just care for him as I am going to be his step mother. I am afraid that I didn't give you enough information... heres some more for you. He simply IS NOT in a safe environment, trust me!

    OK. SO when the abuse happened the only people that were there was the step father, our son and the step father bio son. The boys are the same age. Now the mother was apparently at the park with friends. Down the street. She got a call saying that she needed to come home right away and hung up. She got there and the paramedics and police were there. The police would not allow the mother to see or talk to the step father. The child had been bleeding from his nose, couldn't get the bleeding to stop for awhile. Then the mother took the son to my mother in law. Where they called us, and we went to see the boy right away. We took pictures. And the child said that he was punched, then pushed. We took him to the hospital, and the nurse told us to take all his cloths off so we can see if there were any other marks. There were. There was a handprint on his bottom, and prints around his neck and back. We took pictures, and even the mother said, she ignored signs like her husband treating her son a lot different then his. Like disciplining worse and more often. CPS got involved. Made a no contact order, and caught them not following it. By the time his court hearing, the CPS Investigator guy didn't even go to the hearing and let the court know that they have been breaking it.

    Then we had a conference with CPS and family. But we were on the phone. And they gave the mother 20 hours of free daycare. And my mother in law offered to watch him over the weekends. Ok so you are probably wondering why they gave her this because she is not even working. Well she is pregnant. So that day she asked the fathers mother to watch her son because she was arguing with the step father, so of course she agreed. The mother left the son there over night so she can calm her husband down. The next day she came to pick her son up, and was acting very weird and a argument occurred with the fathers mother and her. Make a long story short. She took the son away and would not let the gma see him. Wouldn't let any side of our family see him for 2 months.

    About 2 weeks after this incident the court just gave him parenting classes and probation. Because of this the step father can't even see his bio son now. The mother of that son, says that they neglect him. And have a restraining order.

    About 3 weeks ago from today, I tried talking to the mother of the abused child and got her to let her son see my fiancés side of the family. So all is OK there. Then we went to visit about 2 weeks ago and she wouldn't even let us have the child over night, because she is scared we will kidnap him!

    When her son was around 2 in a half years old. She dropped him off with "of course" my mother in law to stay the night. Because she had to go to a different city to meet some guy she met on the internet.

    Now she has been emailing me because we "owe" her back child support. The only court papers we had for child support lasted 2 months and SHE is the one who ended that.:)

    Often the son tells my fiancé that the step father still spanks him.
    rhiannahunt's Avatar
    rhiannahunt Posts: 124, Reputation: 2
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    #51

    Dec 8, 2008, 03:00 PM
    What is a thread, sorry if there is a lot of similar posts!
    JudyKayTee's Avatar
    JudyKayTee Posts: 46,503, Reputation: 4600
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    #52

    Dec 8, 2008, 03:05 PM

    Don't misunderstand - I understand your pain and frustration and good intentions. I am speaking from a purely legal standpoint until you are the legal stepmother. I was not and am not criticizing you in any way. I don't just think you don't have any rights at this point - I KNOW you don't have any (legal) rights at this point. I am also a stepmother.

    If the child support was by Court Order that Order did not expire or teminate (at least in my State, NY, and I don't believe it's any different anywhere else) except by another Court Order. The mother of this child isn't the first nor will she be the last to attempt some sort of side deal (more support, less support, no support) and then go back into Court and be awarded back support. If that is the case, perhaps if you have proof you can take that to Court - but if the mother decided to wait 5 years and then pursue back support the Court probably will enforce the original order unless it was changed by the Court.

    I understand what appears to be going on here - but, again, without solid proof you have nothing in the Court's eyes but accusations. Whether she left the child with a responsible person to meet someone she met on the Internet or go shopping or sit in a bar makes no difference to the Court - she left the child with a responsible party.

    Unfortunately, she has physical custody and control of the child and she gets to choose where the child goes, when, how, including visits with Grandparents. Does your fiancé have joint custody by any chance?

    As far as contacting the mother of the other abused child - I would stay away. If you need her testimony, have her brought into Court. Attempts to resolve these matters when they are very obviously going to blow up are never wise - for whatever reason the other mother is now worried and concerned... about something.

    I think your fiancé has to go back to Court with as much proof as he has and ask for custody. No question the mother will ask for support and custody and then the Court can decide.

    I wish I had better news for you but that is how it works.
    cdad's Avatar
    cdad Posts: 12,700, Reputation: 1438
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    #53

    Dec 8, 2008, 03:06 PM

    Quote:
    Now she has been emailing me because we "owe" her back child support. The only court papers we had for child support lasted 2 months and SHE is the one who ended that.
    EndQuote:

    Did the courts make it official or was there anything from a judge stopping the child support order ? If not then he owes it.
    rhiannahunt's Avatar
    rhiannahunt Posts: 124, Reputation: 2
    Junior Member
     
    #54

    Dec 8, 2008, 03:12 PM
    Ok! Thank you! It helped. I understand about the whole her leaving to meet up with a guy. We have pictures of the abuse, and things written down like for ex. July 2 2008, child was brought to grandmothers, and child said this... Im not sure if those will work. We have things that she has blogged.

    As far as I know. They were never married, never went to court to file paperwork for custody arrangements, he is on birth certificate.?

    :D Thank you for your help.

    I know that her taking to someone and leaving, isn't bad parenting. I mean I wish her the best. I hope that she notices what she is doing to her son, though. I want the best for everyone.
    JudyKayTee's Avatar
    JudyKayTee Posts: 46,503, Reputation: 4600
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    #55

    Dec 8, 2008, 03:15 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by rhiannahunt View Post
    Ok! thank you! It helped. I understand about the whole her leaving to meet up with a guy. We have pictures of the abuse, and things written down like for ex. july 2 2008, child was brought to grandmothers, and child said this ...... Im not sure if those will work. We have things that she has blogged.

    As far as i know. They were never married, never went to court to file paperwork for custody arrangements, he is on birth certificate. ???

    :D Thank you for your help.

    I know that her taking to someone and leaving, isn't bad parenting. I mean i wish her the best. I hope that she notices what she is doing to her son, though. I want the best for everyone.

    And there's no one here who does want the boy to be part of a loving, stable family. Point your fiancé toward the Courthouse and push him out the door!

    What you are posting on is a thread - a thread is a question followed by answers. You can search through them. For example, if you to the white box at the top of the screen, next to the AMHD logo, type in what you want to know (for example, child support), hit search, the site will search and come back with a list of all similar threads and you can read through and see what other people have experienced.
    rhiannahunt's Avatar
    rhiannahunt Posts: 124, Reputation: 2
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    #56

    Dec 8, 2008, 03:19 PM
    Quote:
    Now she has been emailing me because we "owe" her back child support. The only court papers we had for child support lasted 2 months and SHE is the one who ended that.
    EndQuote:

    Did the courts make it official or was there anything from a judge stopping the child support order ? If not then he owes it.

    I looked through paper work and found a court document saying that it's a notice of suspend child support payments, and they both signed
    JudyKayTee's Avatar
    JudyKayTee Posts: 46,503, Reputation: 4600
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    #57

    Dec 8, 2008, 03:21 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by rhiannahunt View Post
    Quote:
    Now she has been emailing me because we "owe" her back child support. The only court papers we had for child support lasted 2 months and SHE is the one who ended that.
    EndQuote:

    Did the courts make it official or was there anything from a judge stopping the child support order ? If not then he owes it.

    i looked through paper work and found a court document saying that its a notice of suspend child support payments, and they both signed


    Was it filed with the Court? It certainly is good ammunition on your side one way or the other -

    Do we know what State you are in? It varies.
    JudyKayTee's Avatar
    JudyKayTee Posts: 46,503, Reputation: 4600
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    #58

    Dec 8, 2008, 03:55 PM

    I just noticed the same general post in November - these should be combined.
    Curlyben's Avatar
    Curlyben Posts: 18,514, Reputation: 1860
    BossMan
     
    #59

    Dec 8, 2008, 03:57 PM
    >THREE threads merged<
    They all relate to the same issue.
    rhiannahunt's Avatar
    rhiannahunt Posts: 124, Reputation: 2
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    #60

    Dec 8, 2008, 04:11 PM
    Thanks

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