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Justwantfair · Dec 12, 2008, 02:32 PM

So do I just lose all time with my daughter for Christmas? If he keeps her from 12 p.m. Christmas Eve until 10 a.m. Christmas morning, that is a majority of when we do our Christmas stuff. That isn't what we did last year with this same order in place. I should be able to have her from 12 p.m. until 10 p.m. if that is what it states. Will the police get involved if he tries to keep her? Illinois.

JudyKayTee · Dec 12, 2008, 02:44 PM

Originally Posted by Justwantfair

So do I just lose all time with my daughter for Christmas? If he keeps her from 12 p.m. Christmas Eve until 10 a.m. Christmas morning, that is a majority of when we do our Christmas stuff. That isn't what we did last year with this same order in place. I should be able to have her from 12 p.m. until 10 p.m. if that is what it states. Will the police get involved if he tries to keep her? Illinois.

I don't see the Police getting involved in this, which is a civil matter, not a criminal matter. People have posted, though, that the Police were called, they showed the Police the Court Order and the Police brought the child back. That doesn't happen in NY but maybe it happens other places.

If this DOES happen I'd be on the Courthouse steps when the doors open the next day.

Justwantfair · Dec 12, 2008, 02:49 PM

He did it for Halloween, our Parenting Agreement was written by his attorney it is vague and hard to interpret. Halloween was his holiday, my weekend he didn't return her until 10 p.m. trick or treating was over at 8 p.m. we had plans that night. He is going to try to keep her that entire time.

Do you file a contempt of court for violating a court order?

talaniman · Dec 12, 2008, 05:21 PM

The last thing you do is spoil a child good time with the cops, but you can document everything and show a pattern of behavior that may help.

Agravating, and frustrating, but when its over, you can at least know you did the right thing, the right way, no matter what he says, or does.

JudyKayTee · Dec 12, 2008, 05:36 PM

Originally Posted by Justwantfair

He did it for Halloween, our Parenting Agreement was written by his attorney it is vague and hard to interpret. Halloween was his holiday, my weekend he didn't return her until 10 p.m., trick or treating was over at 8 p.m., we had plans that night. He is going to try to keep her that entire time.

Do you file a contempt of court for violating a court order?

Yes, you do - you go back to Court (Order in hand) and file for contempt of Court. And with what's going on if you have documentation (even your own handwritten records) you have a good shot at things.

twinkiedooter · Dec 12, 2008, 05:36 PM

After reading this entire post, I am so upset about what this poor little girl is going through on a daily basis. She must be a basket case to put it mildly. This child needs some love and a stable environment - this constant back and forth back and forth is worse than confusing for a young child. It seems that every minute of her life is programmed to be here, there, etc. Does she ever have any time that two parents are not grasping over her? Looks like there is little "her" time for this child. I pity her. I wish you could get more than full custody and just have the ex have "once in a while" visitation. This every day stuff is sure wearing and confusing the little girl.

Justwantfair · Dec 12, 2008, 05:54 PM

Originally Posted by twinkiedooter

After reading this entire post, I am so upset about what this poor little girl is going through on a daily basis. She must be a basket case to put it mildly. This child needs some love and a stable environment - this constant back and forth back and forth is worse than confusing for a young child. It seems that every minute of her life is programmed to be here, there, etc. Does she ever have any time that two parents are not grasping over her? Looks like there is little "her" time for this child. I pity her. I wish you could get more than full custody and just have the ex have "once in a while" visitation. This every day stuff is sure wearing and confusing the little girl.

I agree, she is the real loser in this situation. She thankfully doesn't exhibit any emotional stress over the issue. This has been going on for her entire life, the back and forth routine. I try as much as possible to keep her out of it, it's difficult when you know you have a parent that is using the child like she is a tool for revenge. I keep praying for some relief and when a judge finally hears the whole situation there will be some relief. I cannot wait for her to have stability in her life. Thank you for your thoughts, it's a difficult situation and I appreciate your thoughts.

Justwantfair · Dec 12, 2008, 05:58 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

The last thing you do is spoil a child good time with the cops, but you can document everything and show a pattern of behavior that may help.

Agravating, and frustrating, but when its over, you can at least know you did the right thing, the right way, no matter what he says, or does.

I just don't know what to do about Christmas, that is hard to give away when you know that you won't get it back. Everything is documented and it is documented well. Unfortunately with the loss of my last attorney our case is not resolved, as it was set for hearing on December 17th.

I am trying my best to just make it through to the end. Document and log every instance of unreasonable behavior (and there are many), but it will be very difficult to not have any time with her Christmas. I have requested that he just worry about what is best for her. I can cross my fingers that someone besides myself points out that she is the only important factor.

Justwantfair · Feb 4, 2009, 08:47 AM

Update:

Just a short update on Christmas, the GAL on the case stepped in and I ended up with Christmas morning and the schedule that I had always had every year with her. The saddest thing was that when she returned to his house on Christmas day they never did ANYTHING. No family get together, no more presents to open, nothing. So her father called me because she was crying all day and told me I could have her back at 5pm. Too bad she missed all of our family get togethers as well, but she did come home at 5pm.

On January 31st she was scheduled for a gifted testing and it fell on his weekend. He refused to switch days with me and agreed to take her to her testing at 8:00am and then he proceeded to plan a slumber party for her the night before.

Today we have our hearing with the guardian ad litem and I am so excited to have this done with. I am sick of her being in the middle, I am sick of his irrational behaviors, I am just sick period. Every petition he has filed has been a lie, he is trying to state that my 11 yo son babysits her, that my boyfriend beats the children with a belt. I can't wait to hash this out. Truth will prevail. Thank you all for listening to me vent. I am nervous and anxious and hopeful for the best.

JudyKayTee · Feb 4, 2009, 09:08 AM

I have nothing to add other than I have my fingers crossed for you. You've made every effort to be reasonable and I just don't know where you go from here.

Fingers crossed - which is difficult when I'm typing.

Justwantfair · Feb 4, 2009, 09:10 AM

Thank you so much for the support.

She means the world to me and I just can't go on handling this anymore, it's a strain on my relationship, my health - he now literally makes me sick. It's a terribly long process, but my hope (and I have kept all of my documentation together) is that in the end he will see the father for what he is, what he is doing and how he is hurting our daughter.

JudyKayTee · Feb 4, 2009, 09:12 AM

Originally Posted by Justwantfair

Thank you so much for the support.

She means the world to me and I just can't go on handling this anymore, it's a strain on my relationship, my health - he now literally makes me sick. It's a terribly long process, but my hope (and I have kept all of my documentation together) is that in the end he will see the father for what he is, what he is doing and how he is hurting our daughter.

I stopped believing in the Court system - in many cases - a long time ago. I do believe in karma.

talaniman · Feb 4, 2009, 10:36 AM

I hope everything works out for you. All can do is extend my prayers.

Justwantfair · Feb 4, 2009, 01:43 PM

The meeting went well, wasn't a slam dunk or anything like I had hoped. The GAL pointed out that the biggest factor to him is that the child has expressed that she is happy now and we have a 60/40 split in my favor, so that means to him, she will be happy with me having sole custody. He asked her father if he understood that.

He confirmed he is OK with a seven year old wearing a choker, plat form shoes, racy shirts and having a cell phone. He confirmed that he currently has eight people living in his house.

When I showed up with EVERY email that we have ever had, he told me that was pretty dangerous for me to do since he could use those emails to prove me a liar... I handed over the book and said OK, I am waiting... he just sat there.

Justwantfair · Feb 24, 2009, 02:55 PM

UPDATE: Well the meeting did go well and it sounds like the guardian ad litem is on my side and will be giving that recommendation at our pre-trial conference this week...

Then the bombshell, our trial that was originally set for Dec. 17th prior to my attorney's disappearance and later death due to being an addict, will probably not be reset until sometime in June... I can't stop crying, my poor baby who is sharing time with a house that has eight people, three bedrooms and an ex that takes to a new extreme with each loss in court is going to make me miserable for another four months... this is SO ridiculous... what the heck is wrong with the legal system?

Why should a situation that is NOT working that involves a child remain unchanged through a custody case that takes over a year! What is wrong with this scenerio?? Anyone have any advice how to keep my head up, because I may just snap.

cdad · Feb 24, 2009, 03:00 PM

Do you have a new lawyer ? I know money is tight. Maybe because your so close to completing they could compell the courts through ex parte orders and get the motion before the judge by next month sometime instead of June. And at least 1/2 a victory is better then none at all.. so your showing progress.. don't give up yet.

Justwantfair · Feb 24, 2009, 03:09 PM

I do have a new lawyer, she is the one who informed me. I am requesting that the GAL put in an interim custody change until the hearing primarily because of the amount of people living in the home and he has already made his decision. I will hopefully hear back from my attorney on that issue within the next two days, I would like it to be put in place at the pre-trial.

Last weekend he called to talk to her about the plumbing problems they were having with the ONE bathroom for eight people, but why in the world do you have this conversation with a seven year old? And to also tell her that he loves her. The new custodial schedule only changes two of her overnights per month so I am hoping he does the interim change.

I totaled out my car last month so I am running on thin income, picking up a car payment that I haven't had in years. I won't give up but it just seems so futile. In IL we can have custody reevaluated every two years, so I have NO doubt that if he knows that we will be right back going through this again in two years. I am just so far down wits end and the light seemed right there for the end of the tunnel, then BAM! Right back into the tunnel you go.

He just becomes more alienating and harassing with every loss, I know that this will effect my next four months and I don't know how much more I can handle. Being the better person is HIGHLY exhausting.

talaniman · Feb 24, 2009, 04:09 PM

Let the welfare of your child be your motivation. Its hard I know, but you can do this. Your pretty tough, and level headed, and have a whole forum to support you.

Justwantfair · Feb 27, 2009, 09:04 AM

SO TODAY IS THE ABSOLUTE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE SO FAR!

Pretrial was a slam dunk, the GAL saw the father for exactly what he is and HIGHLY recommend sole custody in MY favor. Status in a couple weeks, but their side was told that a trial/hearing probably won't change the facts as they are and that he won't listen to a mud slinging fest from their side.

HAPPY, HAPPY, JOY, JOY!

Justwantfair · Mar 2, 2009, 09:07 AM

One question, what can be done about ex parte communication?

Last Thursday, my ex's attorney sent a letter exclusive to the GAL about me and the reasons that I should not be granted sole custody. In the end, the letter back fired on their side because it was unethical and the GAL forwarded a copy of the letter to my attorney, we do not plan on addressing the letter, because the judge will never see it (as of this point in time). Can I file anything against his attorney personally... I know that Family Law Attorneys do not like to ruffle feathers, for the ex parte communication, since I believe it is illegal. Am I correct? Or is it just unethical?