[denne1]

Hey I just recently broke up with my girl friend of 3 years. It allstarted about 3 weeks ago when we had our last katty argument that never should have happened I love the girll so sooo much an would do anything for her but she said she wanted alone time... I had been living in australia for a while working an saving for me an her to come over once her exams had finished an we both knew I had to come bk to new zealand for a knee operation this was th 1st time we had spent away from each other I evenpaid for her to come over and stay with me and sort out an plan our future. Then when I did bk for my knee op I came back a extra week before hand to kind of surprise her an I couldn't handle being away from her. Well she thought an said that was a dumb idea because I would get angry with her exams an the time she spent studying... she was right. Then that argument we had I just got up an walked off cuase sure we did have a few arguments that didn't need to be had but this one I walked away then I asked her to hang out an she said she had lost the love for me and couldn't do "us" any more an needs to think about what she really wants in life if it is me or not. She said maybe we do need to go an score someone else to realise it is me she wants and she wanted space. Well last weekend she went to watch my old flatmate race his cars and didn't bk th night that was okay then she really dropped the bomb and told me that she would tell me in time what she wanted. I cried for a few days an decided to come back to auz an she said don't go don't delete me from Facebook blah blah and then she also said she would think about us an tell me this week. She said she was nuteral on her decision then she txtd me and said there is no us she can't do us anymore and she just wants alone time. WHAT DOES THIS MEAN! How does she go from nuteral to not wanting me full stop. Sorry if this is a bit hard an repetitive but I just don't know how to put it. I am so sad and lonely an want her back... people say plenty more fish in the sea.. but the truth is I was happy with my catch an honestly thought I had hung my fishing rod up for good. How can I feel better about this.. or is it possible to?

[denne1]

And it eats me up the things going through my mind what she is doing or isn't doing or what... and th only way I could deal with this is to leav th country tcus all her friends are mine as well. I am too scared to even gosee my family for xmas because I can't bear to see her face itl just take me back to all the good times we had...

[TrueFaith]

She knew a long time before you my friend that she wanted out of the relationship..

I mean come on someone who is Nuteral, would not break up with you. Or do anything of those actions

Bottom line is.. she was not that pleased to see you. And she found a way out of the relationship.

I'm sorry to say this but you should delet her from your life and go No Contact.

Just remember that these things never just happen it is not just one event so don't blame this on yourself.
This has been gone on for a while inside of her head!

Leave it at that and move on

Good luck my friend

[starbuck8]

First of all, and I don't say this in a mean way, but please... read the rules and regs of the site. Don't use text talk here, and please write in paragraphs and proper English so we can get through your question easily. A lot of questions get by-passed if they are hard to read.

As a girl, what this means is what she said. I can't do US anymore. Needing "space" is usually a line used to not say what is usually meant. In other words, it more often than not, means I want to move on to other guys. She has likely found someone else, and doesn't have the guts to tell you face to face. Neutral to full stop likely means she has someone else on her mind, or has already been hanging out with him at the very least. I know that hurts to hear, but it's the stone cold truth. It's a heartbreaker, but you are not in that heartbreak boat all alone.

However hard it may be, moving on is your best bet. If she sees that you are honestly moving on, perhaps she will rethink her decision, but waiting for her will do neither you or her any good.

I would suggest that you read the "stickys" at the top on the relationship forum where you posted your question. There is some good advice there. Stick around the site. There are so many guys here with the same issues that you are going through right now, and many who have made it through. They are very helpful.

[denne1]

But she said that she wants time and then maybe she will know if it is me she wants? Or was she only saying what she thinks I wanted to hear I will try this no contact I have for the last 4 days and I know she loves me so much an I just wish itl sort its self out but then again I know it not going to happen I just can't start feeling good about myself I hv just been moping around hvnt eatn in 6 days and just sat in my room only going out when I go to work even then I'm fighting back tears

[talaniman]

Better get the old rod back out buddy, eventually you will get another catch your happy with, after you get over being dumped, and hurt.

In any event you must give her what she asked for, and leave her alone. It gets better, we have all been there done that and hard as it is, it gets better over time.

Sorry for your loss.

[denne1]

Thank you people it is a releif hearing it from other people but it is hard and it does feel like my world has nothing in it and when I was over in australia she did get close to my best mate what is my flatmate so thank you guys

[starbuck8]

Yes, I'm sorry to say, she was only saying what she wanted you to hear.

It's rough bud, but I'm sorry to say you will need to go through that hurt and move on. There is no sense in sticking around waiting. It will only give you more heartache, and more time to dwell on it.

Do NC. If you keep on staying in contact, it will only drive her further from you. You can wish all you want, but don't sit idle and wait for her to come back to you. Grieve you relationship, give yourself time to heal, and move on. If it's meant to be it is. Nothing you can do right now will change how she thinks, so it makes no sense to play the waiting game.

[TrueFaith]

Words are just words

The ACTIONS mean something else.

She is not with you.

Now I don't know about you..
But if someone has doubts about being with me..
I would cut them out of my life.
I'm not something they can just.. plan out or do stuff with when its good for them.
Then when things get tough go ohh. You know.. I don't think its such a good idea.

I have had this happen before
With the first girl. It was a big mistake to keep on hoping.
And as the rest followed I learnt that.. when something like this happens

You have to deal with your own emotions. Yes its hard.
But you waiting around with hope. Is going to make your pain much worse.
Its normal you feel like this.

We all wish the best for you.

But you must live your life and not keep on thinking about what if she comes back or how can I win her back. Because that helps no one.

Keep no contact.
Good luck

[denne1]

Thanks mate that is a good help may I ask how you got the thoughts of her out of your head

[TrueFaith]

You can't control how you think or feel.
But your actions :) now that's something you can control

And there are many ways to heal! And to trick your mind. Into thinking heyy.. good times for a change!


Find a hobby get your mind on something other than.. relationship

If you read the stikies up on the top of the form there are 1000000 of ways :) to help you out

It was all wirtten by people that was in your place..

We have all been there.

I got over my girl. By going to the gym a lot. And having fun movie nights :)
And games. But that's just me

[kctiger]

Let the thoughts happen. There is NOTHING you can do about that. Believe me, over time the thoughts will gradually become less and less apparent. It really helps to get rid of every singe thing that reminds you of her. I mean everything. If you so much as hear a song on the radio that reminds you of her then turn it. I quit listening to country music completely, as my ex turned me on to it. Do whatever it takes. Allow these thoughts to pass, and then file them away and try not to let them keep circulating in your head. One thing, you won't stop thinking about her by telling yourself not to think about her. It doesn't work that way. Get busy working on yourself. Work, read, go to the gym, walk, anything to keep yourself busy. Write out a list of things you want to change about yourself, and grade each on importance, then do it.

Do not worry about breaking out your 'old rod' and landing another girl right now either. Worry about finding yourself, working on yourself, and landing yourself. Then you can start to enjoy life and embrace the wonderful things that WILL come your way. We have all been through (or are even going through) what you are feeling, so keep in mind you aren't alone. Do not overglorify your pain. Put your hand on your chest, and you can still feel your heart beating. That is ALWAYS a good thing.

[jmw0713]

Most of all DO NOT hold hope for anything happening with her in the future. She is already with this other guy... so you need to move on. Do not contact her at all.

If you want to find out about holding hope for the future, read my post I held on for damn near 3 months and ended up going through more unnecessary pain.

Do yourself a favor, move on, build a new life with out her, and concentrate on yourself to become a better person for the next girl to come along.

[kctiger]

Yeah, the easiest thing to do is working on yourself to get her back. The ONLY hope you need to have is for yourself. You matter, she doesn't, not anymore. I still have about 10% hope that eventually we will be back together, but the 90% of me that is so focused on getting myself better refuses to let that other portion ruin my life or my dreams.