[jm_2008]

I'm 21 years old. I've been married two years but been with my husband for 6 years. We have 2 children. My husband doesn't trust me although I've done nothing to breach that trust. I don't know who I am anymore, I don't even have a favorite color because my whole life has to revolve around him. He gets mad if I hang out with my friends (the ones I have left) but if it is the other way around I'm not "allowed" to get mad if he's out to late or gets too drunk. I feel like he's silently ruling my life. I've been thinking about leaving for a while but I'm almost afraid to bring it up. Mostly because of my children. I need some advice, I don't know where to go from here..

[mishelly3]

I think you should start by talking, go out with out the kids and just tell him how you feel with out him feeling like your ganging up on him. I think getting some counseling would be a great start but you need to ask yourself are you making up excuses to give you that reason for a divorce Or do you really love him and want to save your marriage. He not perfect at all it just sounds like maybe if you talk sober it will help.

[starbuck8]

Your whole life should NOT revolve around him. He is not setting a good example, or being a good role model for his children. Children learn what they live, and would rather be from a broken home, than live in one. Your husband needs a wake up call before he loses his family.

Don't let him tell you what you are "allowed" to do! You are a grown woman with children, and they should be your first priority. YOU have allowed him to let your world revolve around him. That was your mistake, but it doesn't have to stay that way, and it shouldn't stay that way. Who died and made him king? But people treat you the way you let them. It's time to take back control of yourself. You can't control him, and don't let him control you.

I sure hope Daddy can look at his babies in their eyes, and tell them that being a good role model and spending time with them, is more important than Daddy staying out all night and coming home drunk, and making Mommy do all of the dirty work. He should be ashamed of himself for that. I'm sure your kids would like more time with their Daddy, instead of Daddy leaving to go out to the bar with his buddies! I wonder what kind of report card Daddy would get if the kids got to mark it. They are probably too young right now to tell Daddy, but they will grow up, and they will have that report card written in their little heads. He needs to man up and take care of his family.

I suggest as Mishelly3 said. You need to have a serious, but non-confrontational talk with him, in a private place with no distractions. Suggest that if he wants to keep his family intact, that things need to change, and he has to do his part. I think before threatening divorce, although he needs to know the seriousness of what may happen, you should encourage some marital counseling.

I think his reaction to your conversation will tell you where he is in your relationship, and what steps you need to take in order to make your decision.

Best of luck to you and your family.

[div2wice]

Been there, can totally relate to where you are. He is controlling you... and it sounds as though he has you scared.
You should never allow someone to control you. You are your own person and although I truly believe in the man being the head of the household, that does not mean he is able to control every aspect of your life. He needs to be respectful to you, your wants and needs and be a husband and father. Staying out all night getting drunk is immature and selfish.
If you are afraid of telling him you want a divorce, then I suggest setting up a place to go with the kids. You may want to move out while he's at work, then just serve him divorce papers. That way you'll be safe.
Be prepared, he will most likely want some type of child custody agreement, unless you can prove he has armed the children, he will get it.