[LoppyLolly]

I'm looking to adopt. I'm blessed enough to know a lady that has adopted/fostered over 24 children in her lifetime and she is telling me the best ways to go about it. She said the FIRST THING, and the most important thing you must do is PRAY.
She said the SECOND THING that you must do is get yourself out there. Let people in your community know that you are looking to adopt and that you are willing to take rights to a baby whether the child is already born yet, or not due for a while.
So this is what I'm doing.
I have been married for 4 years, and my husband and I both feel that this is where God is leading us in our lives.
If you have any questions, or may know anyone that needs to talk to someone about this issue, please don't hesitate to contact me at EMAIL REMOVED FOR PRIVACY.
Thanks & God Bless

[Synnen]

1. You can't take rights to a baby not yet born. It's ILLEGAL to sign over parental rights before a child is born.

2. If you're not looking to adopt an infant, let me suggest your local foster care system. There are literally THOUSANDS of children who are desperate for parents--their only "drawback" is that you don't get them from infancy, so you can't pretend that they were never someone else's child.

3. Registering with an agency is probably the safest and best way to adopt. There are a lot more legal guarantees through an agency, and your options and responsibilities are more directly laid out for you.

4. If you decide to NOT go with an agency, then you NEED a lawyer to adopt. It probably wouldn't hurt to have a lawyer even if you DO use an agency.

5. Most states require a home study of some sort BEFORE you can adopt. Check into what your state's requirements are before you get entangled with a pregnant woman who is looking to place her child. It's kind of like buying a house.

6. Remember that a birthmom has the right to change her mind RIGHT UP UNTIL she relinquishes her rights. In some states, she has longer than that to change her mind. It is not your right to try to change her mind BACK to adoption--Her rights supercede yours at that point.

7. If you decide to go with an open adoption, plan to KEEP all the promises you make to get your hands on that baby. I hear far too many stories from birthmoms about how they thought they chose the perfect family for their child, only to have the family go silent after 3 months, or disappear after a year, leaving no forwarding address. Do not promise ANYTHING unless you are willing to commit to it for 18 years.

Really, your first step should be either talking to an adoption agency or talking to a family lawyer who understands adoption law in your area. Adoption isn't as easy as finding a baby and getting the mother to give the child to you.

[LoppyLolly]

Thanks.
I'm in the process of doing my home study and I have spoke to an attorney.
Everything is seeming to fall in line.

No, I know they can't sign them over to you before they are born, but you can be at the hospital to take them straight home after they are born and the rights are relinquished.

In my state, it really is that easy. Usually if someone just signs over a baby it is a good 12 months before the DHHR even STARTS on a home study for that child and family, which beforehand you can meet with the attorney and get papers signed.
Thanks!

[Synnen]

Wow... I don't know what state you're in, but their adoption laws need changing.

In many MANY cases, that baby isn't really "real" to the birthmother until it is born. I can't tell you how many minds have changed the SECOND they actually see their child.

I really think adoptive parents have no place in the delivery room. That's just one more pressure to NOT back out of the adoption--which, until those rights are relinquished, she has every right to do. NO legal decision should be made when in a hospital bed, unless a life depends on it. So---since no one would be dying in this case--there should NOT be the pressure to relinquish in a hospital room.

Let's put it this way: Suppose you have a major medical procedure that requires a few days stay in the hospital--would you REALLY want someone you don't know all that well and their lawyer in your recovery room pushing you to make a decision that benefits them more than yourself, a decision that you will think about for the REST of your life? Completely leaving babies out of it---how would you like it if you bought a home, and thought about selling it, but then weren't sure you wanted to or not---but someone wants to buy it, very very badly----and that buyer and their lawyer show up the day you're having surgery and pressure you to sell all through the surgery and then try to get you to SIGN the paperwork immediately AFTER the surgery? Does that sound like coercion to you? It does to me--and coercion is one of the few things that will overturn an adoption.

There is ABSOLUTELY no reason for adoptive parents to be in the hospital, or to plan on having that child in their care for the first month of its life. The birthmother needs to make an informed decision, and part of that decision is KNOWING what she's giving up.

[J_9]

As a Labor and Delivery nurse, I can attest to my State's policy on adoption. When the child is born the mother chooses who can be in the delivery room and it is NOT the adoptive parents. We don't allow them even in the hospital. The baby is turned over to the adoptive parents once the birth mother and infant are discharged from the hospital on neutral grounds.

[div2wice]

I have to respectfully disagree about something posted earlier in this thread. I don't think that people want to adopt babies so that they can pretend they're not really their biological child. That's a pretty strong stereotype... for lack of a better word.
Personally, my husband and I wanted to adopt a baby because we were young. We wanted to be able to raise a child from the very beginning. To experience all the milestones a child has from birth through infancy, toddler-hood, etc. It had nothing to do with wanting a baby to pretend it was really our biological child. And after speaking with tons of infertile couples wanting to adopt, I can guarantee you I have never heard anyone say that, nor hint at that "reason" for wanting a baby.

[Synnen]

My apologies for the stereotype.

There are still HUNDREDS of milestones from adopting a 3 year old, or 6 year old.

Perhaps it's not that you want to "pretend" that the child is yours---but most people don't want to deal with the "baggage" that comes when they haven't done the shaping of a child from infancy.

If that weren't true, think of how many childless couples would be adopting children in the foster care system.