[meemee26]

Why is it OK for men to watch porn but when his wife dose he hates it like she's cheating! But he can watch it as much as he likes even if it makes he's wife feel uncomfortable with it because off the way he's acting around it! Why is it OK for him to look at others but she carnt? I no really confusing

[kp2171]

Porn can be a useful tool for a couple, or it can be a devastating distraction. I make no great judgements (outside of reasonable legal lines) as long as it doesn't distract from the bedroom...

But here... he's being a idiot. Really? OK for him but not for you?

Wow. That's convenient.

He's an idiot without firm footing to stand upon.

Take it up a notch. Buy a vibe. Leave it out. See how pissed he gets when you get off without him, when he's likely doing the same.

If you're asking should you be frustrated, I think you have great reason to be. He's insecure, or a control freak (at least about visual stim), or both... don't know.

He has absolutely no reasonable argument against your looking at porn as long as he does.

My partner doesn't care for porn at all, and I honor that. I love well done, erotic and sensual pictures (usually b&w fine photography), as does she.

You don't need to share every like in a relationship... but I just don't get where he thinks his position is defensible.

[linnealand]

Technically, there shouldn't be a double standard on these things.

I know that I have wound up feeling weird or guilty from looking at porn myself, and I do think that my being a woman is part of that. I may be wrong; it might just be me. :) I don't have a problem with other people looking at porn in general, at least as an occasional thing.

On the other hand, it sounds like you're comfortable with it, and your partner is most certainly not. I would love to hear what others think about this situation.

[snowalps]

Hm.. yeah the observation is correct in your question. I believe, here comes the "male" domination part where possessiveness and (more likely) insecurity in the male heart leads to this kind of attitude; though it shouldn't I completely agree, but I would completely agree that this exists and is a an effect of the male instinct about things his girl should do and should not do. A little complex to explain in words I guess, but its more clear in the mind specially for those who get the idea from my message.
And I don't think this is ever going to change at least till the earth is round!

[linnealand]

my partner doesnt care for porn at all, and i honor that. i love well done, erotic and sensual pictures, as does she.

I think you laid out some very good points here. And you're right; there is a big difference between regular porn and "well done, erotic and sensual pictures." I feel much more comfortable with something like that. I think it's the "cheap factor" in regular porn that makes me uncomfortable.

Meemee, I do agree with trying to break your partner's control issue, which he's riding on double standard wheels. Really, what's he going to do about it? I know that some people can be very set in their ways, but it doesn't mean they're right or that they should be able to control what you're doing, especially if it's in your own private time and innocent and harmless enough. I know that if I did have porn, I would feel very uncomfortable if I thought I had to hide it from my partner. Frankly, that couldn't be good at any level.

Do you have a feeling as to why he feels the way he does? Could it be a cultural issue? Or does this come from his own personal attitudes about what he thinks women should do or not do, or say or not say, or think or not think...

Also, is the porn you were watching the same thing he watches, or was it different in some way? It sounds like your partner is against you watching any porn in general, but I'm curious to rule out the possibility that it's the material that bothers him.

As far as I'm concerned regarding your question, you should absolutely be "allowed" to watch, touch and do whatever you want without his "permission."

[Fr_Chuck]

There is no reason it is right for one and wrong for the other, the fact he things it is wrong when she does, means it is wrong for him too, since he knows in his mind it is cheating.

[Choux]

It is not OK for any young people to view porn because it gives a very unhealthy view of what the most pleasurable sex is. If a young person models their thinking and actions on what happens in a porno, then, that causes a harmful, impersonal view of sex. When sex is just about "getting off" then sex is virtually destroyed, girl.

There are a lot of articles out recently about the harm porn causes young people. I recommend that you Google articles and see if porn is a direction you want to take your sexuality and destroy what is potentially the best loving physical expression you have at such a young age. Don't sacrifice great sexuality just to have a man. There are lots of men in the world. :)

Best wishes to making good sexual decisions, :)

[Synnen]

This isn't really about porn.

It's about double standards.

If he can't recognize THAT, then he (and probably you as well) needs counseling.

[smoothy]

why is it ok for men to watch porn but when his wife dose he hates it like shes cheating!! but he can watch it as much as he likes even if it makes hes wife feel uncomfortable with it because off the way hes acting around it! why is it ok for him to look at others but she carnt? i no really confusing

THere is nothing wrong for you to look at porn (unless its kiddie porn). Its great for giving you both ideas to keep things from getting dull and boring.

It's fine for him to look at it as well. What is not fine is his reaction. He must have some self confidence issues.