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    masterchief1752's Avatar
    masterchief1752 Posts: 33, Reputation: 2
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    #1

    Oct 26, 2008, 09:37 PM
    College relationship Long Distance Break
    I have recently gone to a college that is 2 hours away from my girlfriend. We just met before college but have never clicked and felt this way about each other before. We tried the long distance thing but it was too hard. I know I love her a lot and she feels the same so we decided to take a "break" until summer. We are free to do whatever until then, and we are still talking everyday over texts. I believe this will give us a good idea that this is real as we didn't have much time to figure that out before I left. She is a very honest girl and would tell me anything if it was wrong and would tell me she liked someone else if she did. She really thinks this will work in the summer, and when I come home we will start over like I never left and nothing that happened before matters. I think this will work, but it was her who requested the break and I'm not sure if I should hold on or let go. I do not want to get hurt because this hurts very much even though I still have the hope of getting back together. I am wondering if I should just let it go or try to move on without truly letting go.

    To note, she hung out with her ex boyfriend about 3 weeks into the "break". Her best friend, who doesn't agree with my girlfriend because she knows she has never liked anyone as much as me and has seen her with guys since the 4th grade, told me that it just kind of happened it wasn't planned and my girlfriend really doesn't want to hurt me. My girlfriend also said she feels really really bad about hanging out with this guy. I want to stay and believe her and that this will work but I'm not 100% sure. This is really hard to let her go like this. Any help is appreciated.

    Also I would like to know if I should act like I am fine without her and not talk about my feelings fully unless she asks, or tell her every now and then I miss her, and that I want to be with her and want this to work. Neither of us say I love you as we aren't dating. I don't to see too clingy and insecure. Any advice on how to make this work if I should stay would be great and ill be glad to follow it.

    Andy
    Czosie's Avatar
    Czosie Posts: 57, Reputation: 4
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    #2

    Oct 26, 2008, 10:31 PM

    I think your answer is clear.. and I don't think you need to ask peoples advice her.. Do not be bullied by your feelings into silence.. During your whole post you referred to her as your girlfriend.. You have made your feeling obvious, if you don't love this woman you sure think you may be.. Don't hold back your feelings, tell her you care, tell her you miss her.. Follow your heart and really think about the choices you make... Its hard to do when you are in a situation.. and easier for an outsider to say to you.. You know what you should do.
    masterchief1752's Avatar
    masterchief1752 Posts: 33, Reputation: 2
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    #3

    Oct 27, 2008, 06:30 AM
    Yeah I see what your saying that is what I am most afraid of is not knowing exactly what to do. I know that when I am home, and she knows it as well, everything is great. We really want this to work and I want to do anything I can. I just don't want to come off as needy or obsessive which I am neither. I love telling her my feelings and how much I miss her and I love hearing it from her I just need to be sure its not too much. She tells me it hurts her a lot and that she needs to keep busy just to be OK and I feel the same.

    I told her that when I come home we will start over from the beginning, go on a date for the "first time".. just hang out and get more serious as we go, and if we date it'll be that day that we started not the previous time, and nothing from then until that day I come home matters. I hope I'm doing the right thing, I really don't want to do everything I can to make this work just to find out it can't. I am willing to wait as long as we both need and I can only hope this works. Thanks for the advice I really appreciate it.
    Czosie's Avatar
    Czosie Posts: 57, Reputation: 4
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    #4

    Oct 27, 2008, 07:37 AM

    You once again have answered your own question "I am willing to wait as long as we both need and I can only hope this works." No one can tell you if this is worth it or not.. I think only your heart can. Keep talking to her, keep telling her you care.. Try to stay away from sad thoughts, as people generally want to surround themselves with happy things.. and just keep at it.. Look into your heart, come out with the answer.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #5

    Oct 27, 2008, 08:59 AM

    You aren't really broken up, just apart as a way to deal with the distance.

    Much honest communications are needed to define the boundaries, and behavior of this relationship, something you haven't done.

    As this is October, the summer is a long way off, so correct me if I'm wrong.
    masterchief1752's Avatar
    masterchief1752 Posts: 33, Reputation: 2
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    #6

    Oct 27, 2008, 10:50 AM
    Yes I think you are right. I don't put this as us broken up either and I really am confident that we are going to get back together when its convenient for us. It really is just us dealing with the distance. What do you mean by "Honest Communication"... meaning me telling her what I feel and what I want?
    Czosie's Avatar
    Czosie Posts: 57, Reputation: 4
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    #7

    Oct 27, 2008, 11:04 AM

    I would say honest communication is just that, being honest with your feelings and telling her.. if you want to be in a committed relationship tell her.. Be straight
    masterchief1752's Avatar
    masterchief1752 Posts: 33, Reputation: 2
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    #8

    Oct 27, 2008, 12:19 PM
    All right I see what your saying. I really do want to be honest and I know she does too. I really appreciate when she is honest with me, even if its bad it makes me feel a hell of a lot more secure. I think that I am going to be straight with her whenever I have the need to. My only confusion before I hear people say that you should not show her your feelings or tell her and be a "man" about it so she sees you don't need her. Me myself I think that that would do more harm and make her think that I am spacing myself from her. I deleted her from my friends the first day I heard about the other guy because me being the idiot that I am always go and look at the comments he leaves her etc. There aren't many as she doesn't like him, but just the few bother me a lot and put my back at square one of the "hurting" category. Needless to say she was very upset and tried to add me back, I accepted, but I am just giving an idea of how she doesn't want to stop talking etc. I think I know what I want to do, I'm almost positive, I just want an outsiders look at if I'm doing it right if not just to me, at least seemingly to someone else. Also I would like to know your guys opinion on her hanging with that guy. My college buddies and I all agree it is not necessarily the "rebound" but her trying to drown some of the pain she is telling me she has about this whole situation. She has every right to I told her that and I have no problem with it, because I am not threatened by him. I told her that even if she dated him, I believe that in the end she will realize that I was a better boyfriend, because it is her ex and they dated a while back and he treated her kind of bad, but I told her that I wasn't threatened and I didn't want her to hurt because I'm not worth that. Also that I still want her to be happy even if its not with me and I've never said that to a girl before. I realize no matter what you guys all say I am going ot do what I feel is right but I would love to have an outsiders opinion like I stated above. Thanks for all the great advice so far!

    Andy

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