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Synntiera00 · Oct 26, 2008, 06:28 PM

My daughter is 5 years old and growing up well. The only solution to her continuing to have a happy life and not getting into any danger is having her father sign away his rights. He has been in and out of jail since she was born and has spent most of the 5 years in. He got out 3 days ago and I have asked him if he will sign over his rights for her sake, and he won't do it. But when I told him that I'll take him to court for supervised visitation rights for him instead he said he won't go to court, and although I know that's an automatic win for me, I don't want him to have any rights whatsoever. I don't want my daughter around a man who has been incarcerated for multiple things including drugs and physical abuse. I can't afford a lawyer right now, so how would I go about terminating his parental rights? Is the fact that he has been incarcerated multiple times a reason the court would agree to terminating his rights? Thank you all so much in advance for any suggestions or answers you may have!

stinawords · Oct 26, 2008, 06:41 PM

What state are you in? That will make a bit of difference in this case because generally a court will not terminate rights unless you can prove he is a danger (would have to be long term in prison and this also depends on the state) or if you are married for at least a year to a man that wants to adopt. What type visitation does he have right now? The best advice I can give you is to petition the court for supervised visitation. You can try to have his rights terminated on the basis of his record but you may not get it then you would wasted that much time and money.

cdad · Oct 26, 2008, 06:53 PM

Is the father on the birth certificate ?

ScottGem · Oct 26, 2008, 07:03 PM

Originally Posted by Synntiera00

My daughter is 5 years old and growing up well. The only solution to her continuing to have a happy life and not getting into any danger is having her father sign away his rights.

I'm sorry, but I disagree with that statement. While you know the situation better, children are resilient. I doubt if she would be mateirally harmed by having a relationship with her father.

You talk about going to court for supervised visitation. Is there a visitation schedule in place now?

As far as getting a TPR, you would be hard pressed to prove he is a sufficient danger to your daughter to get the courts to grant one.

Fr_Chuck · Oct 26, 2008, 07:11 PM

If he has been in prison long term, some states allow rights to be taken away.

But if he is out and wanting a relationship, it is possible he will get it

Synntiera00 · Oct 26, 2008, 07:28 PM

Originally Posted by stinawords

What state are you in? What type visitation does he have right now?

I am living in CT. He has no visitation set up, we were never married and have never been to court, I kind of left it as a call me if you want to see her situation, he only called when his mother wanted to see her. Thank you so much for your advice!

Synntiera00 · Oct 26, 2008, 07:31 PM

Originally Posted by ScottGem

I'm sorry, but I disagree with that statement. While you know the situation better, children are resilient. I doubt if she would be mateirally harmed by having a relationship with her father.

You talk about going to court for supervised visitation. Is there a visitation schedule in place now?

As far as getting a TPR, you would be hard pressed to prove he is a sufficient danger to your daughter to get the courts to grant one.

I respect your opinion, but there are things that I didn't mention, like him doing drugs around her. Any good mother wouldn't want her child to be around that sort of behavior, even if it is the child's father.

There is no visitation set up as I stated above.

Synntiera00 · Oct 26, 2008, 07:34 PM

Originally Posted by califdadof3

Is the father on the birth certificate ?

Yes, he is on the birth certificate. We were VERY young when she was born and his mother kind of forced him to sign the acknowledgment.

cadillac59 · Oct 26, 2008, 08:42 PM

In California a termination of parental rights ( TPR)would require non-support or no contact for more than a year. If that's not the case I don't think you can terminate parental rights. One what basis would you want a TPR? The fact that he's in prison is not enough. Having done drugs around the child is a reason for supervised visitation, not TPR.

Synntiera00 · Oct 26, 2008, 09:59 PM

Originally Posted by cadillac59

In California a termination of parental rights ( TPR)would require non-support or no contact for more than a year. If that's not the case I don't think you can terminate parental rights. One what basis would you want a TPR? The fact that he's in prison is not enough. Having done drugs around the child is a reason for supervised visitation, not TPR.

Well he was incarcerated for over a year so yeah there has been no contact for more then a year. He has never supported her or done anything for her so both of those requirements are already way met. What kind of a person would let a child continue to around a person who intentionally does drugs around that child? An irresponsible one no doubt.

Fr_Chuck · Oct 27, 2008, 05:47 AM

You are going to find the courts not as caring as you will hope.

The fact he was in jail means he could not come around, and normally that time is not counted as the no contact time.

Plus another scary fact since you have never went to get a custody order, and he is on the birth certficiate, he could just walk up, take the child and you can't stop him, he has equal rights to her as the father on the birth certificate.

You seriously need to get a custody order in place.

ScottGem · Oct 27, 2008, 06:33 AM

Originally Posted by Synntiera00

I respect your opinion, but there are things that I didn't mention, like him doing drugs around her. Any good mother wouldn't want her child to be around that sort of behavior, even if it is the child's father.

There is no visitation set up as I stated above.

OK, do you have proof of this behavior?

Since there is no visitation schedule ordered by the court, you are within your rights to not allow visitation at all. This would force him to go to court to get visitation. You can then bring up his record and other proof of dangerous behavior to deny visitation or, at the least, force supervised visitation.

stinawords · Oct 27, 2008, 07:06 AM

If there is no visitation schedule in place right now then leave it alone. Go to court to have custody awarded to you because as pointed out at this point he has equal rights so could go pick her up and walk away with her if he wanted. If he wants visitation and you aren't comfortable with it then let him go to court to get it in the mean time you have to build your case as to why supervised would be best.

cadillac59 · Oct 27, 2008, 09:12 AM

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

You are going to find the courts not as caring as you will hope.

The fact he was in jail means he could not come around, and normally that time is not counted as the no contact time.

Plus another scary fact since you have never went to get a custody order, and he is on the birth certficiate, he could just walk up, take the child and you can't stop him, he has equal rights to her as the father on the birth certificate.

You seriously need to get a custody order in place.

Our statute doesn't have an exception for those in jail: contact doesn't have to be phyiscal contact and presumably a letter would satisfy the contact requirement. But, inability to have contact or to support a child because of incarceration you would think would be a defense and under those circumstances a constitutional challenge to the statute would seem possible if a judge were to strictly construe it.

excon · Oct 27, 2008, 09:44 AM

Originally Posted by Synntiera00

What kind of a person would let a child continue to around a person who intentionally does drugs around that child? An irresponsible one no doubt.

Hello Synn:

It's my experience that when one partner does drugs, the other one does too. If that's the case with you, I wouldn't bring up his drug use, because guess what? Plus, if you can't PROVE it, it's not really going to help you.

But, you're going to have to go to court to have this hashed out. If he wants, he's probably going to have some visitation with his daughter..

excon

Synntiera00 · Oct 27, 2008, 02:22 PM

Originally Posted by excon

Hello Synn:

It's my experience that when one partner does drugs, the other one does too. If that's the case with you, I wouldn't bring up his drug use, because guess what? Plus, if you can't PROVE it, it's not really going to help you.

But, you're going to have to go to court to have this hashed out. If he wants, he's probably going to have some visitation with his daughter..

excon

Well your experience is not mine. I'm not stupid like a lot of people out there that do drugs, I have children to take care of and a life to live NOT in prison! And obviously if he's been incarcerated for drug use and selling then I have the proof I need. It's not MY daughter he wants to see... it's me... get the point?

Synntiera00 · Oct 27, 2008, 02:24 PM

Originally Posted by cadillac59

Our statute doesn't have an exception for those in jail: contact doesn't have to be phyiscal contact and presumably a letter would satisfy the contact requirement. But, inability to have contact or to support a child because of incarceration you would think would be a defense and under those circumstances a constitutional challenge to the statute would seem possible if a judge were to strictly construe it.

But that's the problem, even when he isn't in prison he doesn't want to see her...

Synntiera00 · Oct 27, 2008, 02:27 PM

Originally Posted by stinawords

If there is no visitation schedule in place right now then leave it alone. Go to court to have custody awarded to you because as pointed out at this point he has equal rights so could go pick her up and walk away with her if he wanted. If he wants visitation and you aren't comfortable with it then let him go to court to get it in the mean time you have to build your case as to why supervised would be best.

I am very well aware of his rights and that he could get her anytime he wanted to, which he is not aware of. What else more could I possibly need to build my case? He's never supported her, he's done drugs, he's sold drugs, he's been to prison for hitting me and she was present but not old enough to understand yet... that's all in his record... if that doesn't do it... then what will?

Synntiera00 · Oct 27, 2008, 02:32 PM

Originally Posted by ScottGem

OK, do you have proof of this behavior?

Since there is no visitation schedule ordered by the court, you are within your rights to not allow visitation at all. This would force him to go to court to get visitation. You can then bring up his record and other proof of dangerous behavior to deny visitation or, at the least, force supervised visitation.

The only proof I have of him doing that is just the fact that every once in a while my daughter will come up to me and say "Mommy, remember when my dad smoked his medicine with me in the car? He didn't know it would make me sick, he made a mistake." Other then that, I have witnesses of her coming home and smelling of pot as well as being lathargic and pale... I know it's not the strongest evidence... but I can hope.

As I said in my first entry, he won't go to court for anything... he doesn't want o... even if it means he loses her for good. He said and I quote "do what you want and you can tell them I said that."

ScottGem · Oct 27, 2008, 04:27 PM

So, if he won't go to court to force visitation then it sounds like you are in the drivers seat.