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XxMissBxX · Oct 24, 2008, 08:27 AM

My boyfriend broke up with me yesterday and I am in bits all I keep doing is breaking down in tears and everywhere I go and everything I do reminds me off him I can't take it no more I miss him and I want him back. He is not answering his calls and not answering his text messages so what do I do. The night before he promised he would never leave my side and he would always be here to help and support me but when he broke up with me he said he liked me and loved me with all his heart but could not do it no more and I have not seen him since. What do I do how do I get him back I need as much advice as I can get so if anyone knows what to do then answer my question please :(

kctiger · Oct 24, 2008, 08:36 AM

Do not call or text him again. Leave him alone. Trust me, you need to show him that you can handle this! It is hard, but you can do it. We have all been through it. Do not contact him again! Let him come to you (if he doesn't, then move on).

notbigthing · Oct 24, 2008, 08:39 AM

Hi, dear, we were all there before, I know the pains, I lost 2kgs after got dumped, didn't want to eat/sleep, my suggest is stop texting/calling him, don't sell yourself short, keep yourself busy,read the threads here, distract yourself from thinking him too much, most of us don't get exes back, want to get him back, the first thing you should do is love yourself.

bigbird213 · Oct 24, 2008, 08:45 AM

Busy, Busy, Busy... Keep yourself so busy that you don't have time to let these thoughts get to you. Try to stay with your friends, keep busy with school, read threads on here, give advice.. Anything you can do at all to keep yourself busy will help you.

You need to be distracted from thinking about him as much as possible until some time passes. As time goes on, you will begin to feel better and better, but you need to work at not dwelling on him.

As far as getting him back... its not going to happen. He might come back on his own accord, but you can't "get him back" against his own will. He has already shown that (ignoring calls/texts). Respect yourself, keep your dignity, and start moving on.

Lovelee · Oct 24, 2008, 09:31 AM

The question is, why did he break up with you in the first place? If your at fault it might have something to do with it. If he's at fault then he is just cruel. I wouldn't call or text him anymore.

talaniman · Oct 24, 2008, 09:51 AM

As emotional, and as much hurt as your feeling now, accept its over, and take your time, and grieve, but leave him alone. It will get better later, and that's a promise. This is a great time to get yourself together, and learn to love yourself.

Sorry, there are no secret pills to change the feelings of others.

snowalps · Oct 24, 2008, 10:34 AM

What's the reason he opted out? Was it because of you ? If there was apparently no such reason strong enough to lead to what he did, then he did the wrong thing and if at all then, he must realize this on his own and come back to you. In case he doesn't, forget it, because then he's not worth you.
If you think the reason was strong enough and you really did something that you deserved this somewhere as a reaction from him, then let me know, you may have to find a way to reach him and say you are sorry. That would turn my main advise though, so tell me if its this case or the earlier case.

In any case, judge the reason with all fairness, and with no soft corner for him or yourself whatsoever and then post it here.

samfulcher · Oct 24, 2008, 07:14 PM

Sorry to hear about your broken heart. Unfortunately, that is probably why he will not answer your calls or texts. Give it some time (a day or two max). Get yourself together. Remember that most break-ups are temporary, often they are just tests. That's right, he is testing you in a way, to see how far he can push and get away with it.

When he starts answering your calls or, better, calls you because you will have stopped hounding him, you need to accept the break-up and tell him you have been thinking about things and are thankful to have your freedom back. Tell him this as sincerely as you can. He will not expect this and will realize he needs to start thinking about what he did.

Gradually, he will be the one who starts missing you like mad and you should be able to get him back, no problem.

For more help, drop me a line.

Sam,
Relationship Advisor
The Match Maker Review

XxMissBxX · Oct 27, 2008, 04:14 AM

I took your advice and I have left it a day or two without phoning or texting him but I have got to the point where I did call his mobile this morning but yet again he never answered I just want him to know how much I love him and want to be with him I want him to see how much pain and hurt I am in cause I miss him so much. But what can I do if he won't answer my calls and text messages. This all started because off me I have been hurt so many times in past relationships emotinally and psycically and I been cheated on so many times one of which one off my ex's turned out to be gay and I found him in bed with another man therefore I have really bad trust problems and I doubt everything but he said he would stick by me and support me and help me through it but the day before he ended it he seen a counsillor and I know I should not off been listening but I heard him say to her that he loved me he wanted to stick by me and do what's best for me and she turned around and said to him that if he wants to do best by me then sit me down and break up with me gently don't answer my calls or text messages and let me move on and after that he promised me he would not listen to her and we would be OK but the next day he was not answering my calls and when he finally did he I was all happy and he just said straight out that he could not do it no more seeing me upset from my past was killing him and he could not do it so we met and sat down he looked into my eyes said he liked me a lot he was sorry but could not do it no more kissed my lips and walked away and I ent seen or heard from him since and now it is really killing me that he is gone I can't take it no more and I don't know what to do no more I really want him back :(

Originally Posted by samfulcher

Sorry to hear about your broken heart. Unfortunately, that is probably why he will not answer your calls or texts. Give it some time (a day or two max). Get yourself together. Remember that most break-ups are temporary, often they are just tests. That's right, he is testing you in a way, to see how far he can push and get away with it.

When he starts answering your calls or, better, calls you because you will have stopped hounding him, you need to accept the break-up and tell him you have been thinking about things and are thankful to have your freedom back. Tell him this as sincerely as you can. He will not expect this and will realize he needs to start thinking about what he did.

Gradually, he will be the one who starts missing you like mad and you should be able to get him back, no problem.

For more help, drop me a line.

Sam,
Relationship Advisor
The Match Maker Review

samfulcher · Oct 27, 2008, 06:08 AM

MissBx,

I'm curious as to why the counsellor would tell him to break up with you. Could it be that there is something about him that could have a potentially devastating effect on your emotions? It just doesn't make sense why a counsellor would give such poor advice unless, say, he was married or something and that seems unlikely...

Anyway, back to your problem. If I were you, I would do what I can to avoid making another phone call. Yes, you want him to know how much you love him, but he already knows this. He knows it every time you call, but even without the call, he would still know it because that is how you left things. Try two days, or three, or even more, but when you call, try to arouse his curiosity by putting a positive tone in your voice. Something like, "Hey, it's me. I just wanted to thank you for something you did, and I wanted to do it in person. Call back when you have a free moment, okay? Take care."

It's important to be overly positive (if you're already a positive person, great). Make sure you've got the biggest smile on your face when you call as it will come through in your voice. The point here is that he will be curious to get back in touch -- why do you want to thank him, he will wonder. And with the positive tone (minus the high "I love you" emotion), he will really wonder what the heck he could have done for you.

Right now, he hears your broken heart and he won't want to deal with it. Can't blame him, right? He has been able to avoid your calls this long, so why not continue...

Anyway, give that a shot and let me know how it goes.

Sam
The Match Maker Review
Help Get My Ex Back

talaniman · Oct 27, 2008, 06:38 AM

I can't take it no more and I don't know what to do no more I really want him back :(

Though Sam is telling you what you want to hear, and feeding you false hope, that's not what you NEED to hear.

Accept his behavior as a hint, to stop contacting him, and leave him alone!! Give yourself some time for the emotional dust to settle, and get on with process of healing, and then you can see things in a more realistic light, and make a better plan that works for you.

Chasing someone who's feelings have changed, is a recipe for misery, pain, and confusion. It will also destroy your confidence, and self esteem, which already has been through a lot. Give your self the chance to regroup, rebuild, and learn to love YOURSELF.

Time to unload the baggage of the past and start fresh.

XxMissBxX · Oct 27, 2008, 06:58 AM

Thing is though he said he wants to be with me and he loves me but he is walking away to do what is best for me and what I need and he is walking away cause he likes me too much that is what he said to me

Originally Posted by talaniman

Though Sam is telling you what you want to hear, and feeding you false hope, thats not what you NEED to hear.

Accept his behavior as a hint, to stop contacting him, and leave him alone!!! Give yourself some time for the emotional dust to settle, and get on with process of healing, and then you can see things in a more realistic light, and make a better plan that works for you.

Chasing someone who's feelings have changed, is a recipe for misery, pain, and confusion. It will also destroy your confidence, and self esteem, which already has been thru a lot. Give your self the chance to regroup, rebuild, and learn to love YOURSELF.

Time to unload the baggage of the past and start fresh.

XxMissBxX · Oct 27, 2008, 07:02 AM

He started to see this councillor to get tips and advice on how to help me and what is best for me and how to talk to me about my past and how to over come my problems and find the best ways to talk to me just looks like she gave him the wrong advice I guess and he took that on and did he cause he thought it was best for me I guess when he walked away he said he is doing it because he likes me too much and it is killing him seeing me hurt from my past but it is killing me even me now that he has gone

Originally Posted by samfulcher

MissBx,

I'm curious as to why the counsellor would tell him to break up with you. Could it be that there is something about him that could have a potentially devastating effect on your emotions? It just doesn't make sense why a counsellor would give such poor advice unless, say, he was married or something and that seems unlikely...

Anyway, back to your problem. If I were you, I would do what I can to avoid making another phone call. Yes, you want him to know how much you love him, but he already knows this. He knows it every time you call, but even without the call, he would still know it because that is how you left things. Try two days, or three, or even more, but when you call, try to arouse his curiosity by putting a positive tone in your voice. Something like, "Hey, it's me. I just wanted to thank you for something you did, and I wanted to do it in person. Call back when you have a free moment, okay? Take care."

It's important to be overly positive (if you're already a positive person, great). Make sure you've got the biggest smile on your face when you call as it will come through in your voice. The point here is that he will be curious to get back in touch -- why do you want to thank him, he will wonder. And with the positive tone (minus the high "I love you" emotion), he will really wonder what the heck he could have done for you.

Right now, he hears your broken heart and he won't want to deal with it. Can't blame him, right? He has been able to avoid your calls this long, so why not continue....

Anyway, give that a shot and let me know how it goes.

Sam
The Match Maker Review
Help Get My Ex Back

kctiger · Oct 27, 2008, 07:05 AM

Perhaps you should focus on YOU for the time being. What can YOU do for yourself to better your situation. You have got to quit worrying about him... easier said than done, I KNOW. You constantly worrying about him does not help you at all! Focus on yourself and healing yourself. If you guys end up back together, then great, but you have got to try and make yourself better and stronger. The clock starts NOW!

XxMissBxX · Oct 27, 2008, 07:10 AM

Yeah I guess you are right but its hard when the day before we split he promised he would not leave my side and he loved me and would help me get through it and he said he would never hurt me but what has he done he has broke my heart and hurt me all because a counsillor told him that it would be best for me and he took that on board and acted upon it now I have lost him

Originally Posted by kctiger

Perhaps you should focus on YOU for the time being. What can YOU do for yourself to better your situation. You have got to quit worrying about him...easier said than done, I KNOW. You constantly worrying about him does not help you at all! Focus on yourself and healing yourself. If you guys end up back together, then great, but you have got to try and make yourself better and stronger. The clock starts NOW!!

kctiger · Oct 27, 2008, 07:18 AM

I know it is hard. I wouldn't be on this website if I wasn't going through the same heart break you are. Just trust everyone... it gets easier. I will tell you flat out, I used to go through all of these, "I wish I could go back and do things differently," thoughts, but now that is gone. I am so much better as a person and an individual now than I was before all of this break up stuff happened. You will be stronger and more equipped to handle things. Just let the storm pass and brave through it. Light will shine at the end of the tunnel and it will be amazing once you see it! You will be fine!

samfulcher · Oct 27, 2008, 07:28 AM

The counsellor should be helping him with his issues, not him with your issues. Hope that makes sense.

Still, you really should give it a few days before calling again. The space will allow you to clear your head so you can properly tackle trying to get him back and will also let him know that you CAN live without him.

I think what some folks here think is that the problem is with you (he dumped you, now you get over it) whereas I see the problem is with him (he dumped you, so that make it HIS problem and his HIS loss... now you have to let him realize this).

So, hope is not lost. The problem is him, not you. The counsellor bit is a concern, I admit. But if he really does love you (who would lie about something like this?? ) you can and will win him back if that is what you want.

Keep me posted.
Sam

kctiger · Oct 27, 2008, 07:33 AM

It's not about winning him back. Why do people quantify relationships as a game? This is just about helping yourself. The problem is WITH you because you feel like you need him... you DON'T. Give yourself some time to heal. He is the one that walked away from you. Why should you have to WIN him back? If he is weak enough to let a 'cousellor' talk him out of his relationship because of YOUR issues then let him go, and if he wants you back let him pursue that. Do not waste your time constantly trying to think of ways to 'win' him back. Just my opinion... which is fairly worthless to anyone but me. : )

talaniman · Oct 27, 2008, 07:55 AM

Just my opinion... which is fairly worthless to anyone but me. : )

Your wrong about that, but humble is good.

Its hard when the day before we split he promised he would not leave my side and he loved me and would help me get through it and he said he would never hurt me but what has he done he has broke my heart and hurt me all because a counsillor told him that it would be best for me and he took that on board and acted upon it now I have lost him

No matter where the idea came from the thought was there already, but that's irrelevant, as you put way to much into his words, which don't match his actions, do they???

Yes it's the hardest thing you will ever do but don't chase him any more, at all. Leave him alone and put yourself first!

bigbird213 · Oct 27, 2008, 09:10 AM

How about showing him you can live without him by your actions, not by calling him.

If you don't call him for say a month, I think he'll get the hint... it can't get any worse right? Give it a shot.