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qqatsii · Oct 23, 2008, 06:59 PM

I was drunk and told my girlfriend I had sex with a prostitute years before we even dated. She is repulsed by the thought of having sex with me after that. I can't convince her it was a mistake and I have changed. I am trying so hard to be a good person nowadays. She has high standards (stable job, respect everyone, etc) and I try to live up to them but sometimes I get moody. I tried to do my best but she is afraid of me now. We dated and were serious off and on for 6 months. I loved her and wanted to spend my life with her. I am trying to turn over a new leaf. She doesn't want to see me again. I am in shambles. I try to be honest about everything even if it not about something good. I guess I only need someone to tell me to move on. I hope she will forgive me and want me back but I can't expect that. I am devastated by my own stupidity. Why did I tell her that?

Fr_Chuck · Oct 23, 2008, 07:06 PM

Stop drinking and show her you are willing to live a life worth being with.

ylaira · Oct 23, 2008, 07:22 PM

You told her that years BEFORE you dated? Again before you dated? Still she dated you... There's something more behind your on and offf thing for 6 months. Regardless of your past, if you did a good job fulfilling her needs (vice versa), that should not matter. The fact that she heard it from you even if it's a lie tells a lot. There's something more... Why she's afraid of you? Do you hit?

liz28 · Oct 23, 2008, 07:27 PM

She shouldn't held your past against you because what is done is undoable. I can see her dumping you if you slept with a prostitute while your was together but this happen way before she stepped into the picture.You already know what you need to do because you said it in your post. Move on!

h0llister · Oct 23, 2008, 08:25 PM

I think she has issues with herself.. many of us have skeletons in the closet and as long as your not doing that stuff now, nothing is wrong. At least you admitted it to her and for her to just break up with you is wrong. You did nothing wrong with telling her.

talaniman · Oct 24, 2008, 08:06 AM

Be glad she is gone, as she has a problem, you don't... well the drinking may be a problem, since it makes your lips loose.

bigbird213 · Oct 24, 2008, 09:01 AM

Sounds like the relationship was flawed to begin with. On and Off after only 6 months is a BAD sign. It should have still been in the perfect/honeymoon stages at that point.

It sounds as though she is look for a fairy tale and didn't get it. I think your better off without her. Your past is your past for a reason, and nobody should ever hold it against you.

Lovelee · Oct 24, 2008, 09:20 AM

She dumped you because of an error in judgement years before you met her while you were drunk? That doesn't seem fair to me, the past is the past you can do nothing to change it. Concentration should be placed on the present and future.

qqatsii · Oct 28, 2008, 05:17 PM

Thanks for all the responses. No, I didn't hit her or abuse her in any way. She always seemed troubled, saying she loved me emotionally, but practically she had little faith. I had been moving around a lot in the last few years and am trying to settle down. I am in my early 40's so its time. She criticized me a lot, and never seemed truly happy with me. Why was she with me then?

Alty · Oct 28, 2008, 05:38 PM

she criticized me a lot, and never seemed truly happy with me. Why was she with me then?

Sounds like you should be happy that she's gone. T

You were honest about a mistake you made in the past and she left you for it, this is not the kind of relationship you need.

Forget about her, quite drinking and find someone new.

Good luck.

Kati-Katt · Oct 28, 2008, 05:55 PM

Although you were doing the right thing by being honest with her about sleeping with a prostitute that doesen't mean she won't take it a certain way. Obviosly she hadn't the same feelings for you that you did for her, if she got turned off on everything when she found that out. It's understandable why she feels that way though because a lot of people feel that prostitutes are filthy people (no offense to any prostitutes I do not feel that way) cause not all of them are. Let her be shallow and judgemental, it's her loss.

Chris1981 · Oct 28, 2008, 05:56 PM

It sounds like she has her own issues to deal with. Also, I'll be honest with you, it doesn't sound like she was ever that in to you. I'm not saying that to make things worse, all I'm saying is that you deserve better.

If this girl truly loved you, then she would work through her issues with your 'mistake' - however much it upset her. They say honesty is the best policy, although you may not agree with that right now it still stands. Your honesty has released you from a relationship that wasn't right for you, and given you the chance to find your true love.

TrueFaith · Oct 28, 2008, 06:10 PM

Be happy she is gone.
We all have a rocky past

People do change.

Your better off with out her

Regards

chuff · Oct 28, 2008, 07:49 PM

To agree with most, I agree that she was the problem and had the issues. I also think she used this lame excuse as a reason to break it off. It works perfectly for her, it's something of questional moral standards that happened long ago so you can't change the outcome, but she can use it to change her current situation while you can't do anything about it.

NallaNeedsYou · Oct 29, 2008, 03:14 AM

I do not entirely agree with Fr_Chuck because I don't think qqatsii has enough self control to kep his drinking in check. qqatsii needs to re gain control of his life and then keep tabs on how much he is drinking. It is being able to control yourself and your feelings that will prevent unnecessary hurt in future relationships. You need to move on, pick yourself up and remember that when you lose don't lose the lesson. Don't linger on the past. Chin up and find someone worth your time. Good luck!

Romefalls19 · Oct 29, 2008, 05:53 AM

Wow, ends the relationship over something that happened years before you two date, or probably even met? Be glad you are done with this nut job, like you are the only one who has skeletons in your closet. She needs to get off her high horse and get her head out of her arse and realize no one is perfect. Go have one drink on me for getting rid of her. You will find someone who isn't going to make you do time for something you did years ago!

qqatsii · Oct 30, 2008, 08:12 PM

Again, thanks for the replies. I may have said this in previous posts, but she seemed like a good woman to me. She was smart, articulate, friendly and confident. I have been working on starting a "new life": no drunk binges, steady job and settling down. My past was filled with wanderlust and I am ready to settle now. She said she could only view me based on my past. She saw a void when thinking about a future with me. She criticized me for my driving, my jokes about other people (you're insensitive), the fact I'm 42 and never been married, and worried about my depression creeping up again. She would say she loved me emotionally but practically she didn't see it working out. She worried about me holding down a steady job, staying in one place. I told her I was ready to settle and meant it. I have started a new job and live it. I have fought hard to be strong and stable emotionally and still have a ways to go, I guess. Now, I feel like crap because I either stayed with her hoping she'd accept me or because I still want to be with her. I want to write her a letter telling her how cold she is, etc. but what good would it do me? I know 42 seems old when trying to figure out women, but I worry about missing out on finding the right one. It sucks being alone.