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    jacksmannquin's Avatar
    jacksmannquin Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Oct 23, 2008, 06:28 PM
    Lying About Porn
    All right. So me and my girlfriend got into a discussion about porn and I guess I said to her that I don't watch it, but I do.

    She keeps asking me why I do it. She has low self-esteem issues, so I can't just come out and say, 'oh, it's normal. Everyone does it.' or, 'because it's visually stimulating and it gets me in the mood.' because I've tried saying these things and they just complicate things further. I don't know what to say to her to make her understand. Every time I try to explain it, she just says that I'm making it worse and it makes her more upset. I've tried apologizing, and maybe some of you think I shouldn't have to apologize but, from her stand point, I think she's mad that I lied about it saying that I didn't watch it when, in fact, I do. It's an issue of dishonesty.

    And don't say, 'well, if you really cared for her, you wouldn't have watched it when she told you not to.' that isn't going to help my situation.

    Any help, at all, would be much appreciated.
    neverme's Avatar
    neverme Posts: 1,430, Reputation: 270
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    #2

    Oct 23, 2008, 06:54 PM

    Is it the fact that your looking at another woman that's upsetting her or does she just not like the idea of porn?
    J_9's Avatar
    J_9 Posts: 40,298, Reputation: 5646
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    #3

    Oct 23, 2008, 06:55 PM
    Why don't you get her to watch it with you! That's totally more exciting than watching it by yourself!!
    cadillac59's Avatar
    cadillac59 Posts: 1,326, Reputation: 94
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    #4

    Oct 23, 2008, 06:58 PM

    Just be honest and tell her you like it and will continue looking at it whether she likes it or not. You have a right to look at it if you are an adult and that should be the end of it. F she doesn't like it too bad. End the relationship if she insists.

    If you give in regarding something like this she will be running your life for you for as long as you stay with her.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #5

    Oct 24, 2008, 08:15 AM

    I would be highly turned off by a female that didn't appreciate my honesty, and it's a red flag when you lie to keep the peace.

    Don't do it! If she can't handle the truth, then tell her its her problem deal with it!

    That's harsh, but has to be better than making up lies, and walking on egg shells, trying to spare her feelings.
    bigbird213's Avatar
    bigbird213 Posts: 681, Reputation: 110
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    #6

    Oct 24, 2008, 08:56 AM

    It sounds like you have done everything right and she isn't being accepting. It certainly is a problem when you lie to keep the peace, trust me, I've been there. It gets worse and worse and WILL eventually blow up in your face and make you look like the bad guy. Just don't do it.

    Tell her your sorry you lied, but you don't apologize for what you do. Its not her responsibility to tell you how to live. If she doesn't like it, and it's that big of a deal, she can get packing. If she wants to fight, you can get packing too...
    notbigthing's Avatar
    notbigthing Posts: 35, Reputation: 1
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    #7

    Oct 24, 2008, 09:13 AM

    I think you need to talk to her, its more of her problem than yours, why she made a fuss on your watching porn.
    jacksmannquin's Avatar
    jacksmannquin Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #8

    Oct 24, 2008, 07:26 PM

    well, we talked today about it some more and now everything is fine. Mostly why she was so upset is because she felt like I cheated on her, and I understand how she could feel that way, but she blew it completely out of proportion. I told her if she honestly wants to end our relationship over this, fine. And she didn't, thankfully. =)

    thanks for all the help!
    TrueFaith's Avatar
    TrueFaith Posts: 1,202, Reputation: 313
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    #9

    Oct 24, 2008, 07:43 PM

    Don't start lying

    Trust me it just gets bigger and bigger.

    :) I'm glad its all worked out though :P
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #10

    Oct 24, 2008, 10:40 PM

    So you going to keep watching porn or not??
    TexasParent's Avatar
    TexasParent Posts: 378, Reputation: 73
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    #11

    Oct 25, 2008, 12:41 AM

    Well you have to ask yourself, do you love her enough to stop watching porn?

    If she is truly the woman for you and would die in battle to protect her, then why not this little sacrifice? Or is the drug of pornography to difficult to rehab from? Who is your master, lust or deep love and companionship.

    If she is good to you, and a good woman, you may be sorry later in life if you chose porn over her. Taking that one relationship further, what happens with the next girlfriend when you finally get around to telling her you can't give up porn for anyone. Do you then then start asking pre-relationship questions to the girls you date; "do you like porn?" to see if they qualify as girlfriend material?

    Then when you find one that likes porn too, what happens when she gets more turned on by Buddy Big Member more than you; would you not feel less than in a least someway if found your girlfriend masturbating to porn when you came home?

    It's a slippery slope, be careful and good luck.
    emotional Girl's Avatar
    emotional Girl Posts: 20, Reputation: 3
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    #12

    Oct 25, 2008, 02:34 AM

    Why do all of you make porn seem so right when actully its not for me as a women I feel that I am not good enough cause my boyfriend watch porn I leave him to do it aslong as I don't know about it but he gets turned on by other naked slutty women and I am not that that tipe of girl.. I am pasionate and lovable :(
    Kim_x's Avatar
    Kim_x Posts: 15, Reputation: 2
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    #13

    Oct 23, 2011, 03:04 AM
    Well why do you watch it? I am currently in your girlfriends situation. And nothing seems to make it better. It's a horrible feeling knowing your not enough for your boyfriend! My boyfriend has came up with so many excuses I don't know what to believe! He says he doesn't get turned on by the girls but by the thought of me and him doing that. Is this why you do it, or do you like the girls? That's the part that hurts us most, the thought of you men wanting the girls on the screen. Because we can never be those girls for many reasons;
    1. We have self respect!
    2. We don't have the magic of camera changing and airbrushing!
    3. We want to be loved not perved on!
    4. We don't have thousands of pounds to get a boob job, nor do we want one!
    5. We are not sluts!
    I can only presume that your girlfriend is a wonderful woman, or you wouldn't be with her in the first place and she is probably heart broken! The hurtful thing is those girls in porn aren't even pretty, they are fake and the can't call themselves a real woman. You have a real woman what more could you want?

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