[CASupra18]

So me and my ex-girlfriend met each other 2 months ago at college and we instantly hit it off. She tells me she never usually connects with people as quickly as me and her did and I felt the same way. We both have never have met someone that we had as much in common with, and because of that we were both pretty scared and thought the other one was a player, but we eventually trusted each other. We loved to be around each other and could talk for hours about anything. She made me promise her that if I didn't want to be in the relationship later on, that I wouldn't play games and would just get out if I didn't think it would work.

When we first started dating, she was ahead in her school work and so she had time to see me, but she started to fall behind. She is a pre-med student and enrolled in 30 credit hours, taking an accelerated EMT class on mondays and wednesdays from 5:30 to 9:30, and her older sister died four months ago so she was taking care of her two nieces. I thought this sounded pretty fishy and thought they might be excuses, but I became close to her mom before me and her started going out and she confirmed everything.

Things started to slow down and we began to talk less. She started to answer my calls less frequently, but would still call back eventually. It got to the point where we saw each other once or twice a week, but we would still talk at least every other day. When we did hang out, she would tell me that she could only stay for 30 minutes, but would stay for hours. She also ended up telling me that she has never met a guy like me before, but she was afraid to tell me that because of all the times she has been hurt in a relationship.

About 2 or 3 days after she tells me this (3 weeks ago), she was hospitalized due to major abdominal pains. She had a history of ovarian cysts, so they thought that might be the reason. I went and saw her and everything seemed to be OK between me and her, but she was really stressed about school work and in a lot of pain.

She broke up with me the first night she was in the hospital saying that she still cared for me and that it was all just bad timing. She told me she didn't want to lead me on because as it was, the relationship would not work out because we could never see each other.

So, I stopped talking to her completely. Even though I wanted to be there for her, I felt that I would just cause her more stress. She tried her best to send her family and friends home while she was staying in the hospital saying that there was no need for them to be there and that it was a waste of time. I didn't talk to her the whole time she was in the hospital (2 1/2 weeks), but she sent me text messages saying she wanted to talk to me after she got out of the hospital and also went to my myspace page 6 times in one night.

She called me after she got out of the hospital like she said she would and told me that she was kicked out of her EMT class and might not be able to finish the other classes she has this semester, but she is still going to try to make up the now 3 weeks she has missed. She told me she wanted to start hanging out again after she catches back up, but that she is also confused and under a lot of stress. I told her that I would give her some space so she could work things out and to think things through, and that I would call her at the end of the week to see how she was doing.

Our mutual friends began to message me asking how she was and they were saying that they have been calling her, but she has not been answering their calls or returning any text messages. I told them how she was from our last conversation and they told me to tell her hi and to get better when I talk to her again.

I tried calling her a few days ago like I said I would, but no answer or returned call and I tried again yesterday but got the same thing. I don't really know what to make of the situation. I really care about her and still want to be with her, but she seems to be avoiding everyone. To me it sounds like she still wants to be with me, but I'm wanting an outside opinion. Why is she avoiding everyone, maybe she is depressed?

[talaniman]

Don't be selfish, leave her alone to do what she has to.

[talaniman]

I don't really know what to make of the situation.

"She told me she wanted to start hanging out again after she catches back up"
Thats a mighty tall order, and she has already let you know what she must do, so where is the problem?

I really care about her and still want to be with her, but she seems to be avoiding everyone.

"She told me she wanted to start hanging out again after she catches back up,"
You were told what she was going to do, and why, so again whats the problem?

To me it sounds like she still wants to be with me, but I'm wanting an outside opinion.

She has things to deal with, and you should really let her, since its that important.

Why is she avoiding everyone, maybe she is depressed?

She is busy, and will contact you when she has done what she says. Until she contacts you, maybe giving her the space you promised, would be the thing to do. Being you know all this, there is only one thing you can do, and thats as she has asked.

Don't see how I'm being selfish... I haven't called her since we broke up, she called me saying she wanted to talk and hang out but was stressed and so I told her I would call her at the end of the week to check up on her. Did you read the post?

Selfish may be a strong word, and doesn't address your worry, and concern, but the point was, you had enough info, to keep the faith, and take her at her word, if you cared, which didn't come thru with what you had written, as your concern was what your missing, and not what she is going thru. Thanks for clearing that up.
Yes I read your whole post.

[brkfstatiffs]

What are you confused about? It seems like she has been very honest and upfront with you. She has a lot going on in her life right now, and just went through a lot with school, health etc. Honestly she probably feels overwhelmed and doesn't want to be in a relationship so she can focus on her self and her life and health. She's not saying it's totally over, but that she needs her space right now. I think all you can do if respect her space, and let her know you are there for her as a friend. Don't make her feel like she has to live up to the dating aspect of being with you emotionally etc, because she is straight up telling you she is stressed right now and doesn't want that. Just let her know you are there as a friend when she wants to talk. That's all you should do.

At the same time, if I were you I would get out there and date, if you feel like dating. You guys were only together 2 months, that is a very short amount of time, to get all wrapped up in her and the "relationship." Just be her friend right now.

[brkfstatiffs]

"She also ended up telling me that she has never met a guy like me before, but she was afraid to tell me that because of all the times she has been hurt in a relationship."

Sometimes when you date someone and it gets off to a fast start like you guys... men will throw a curve ball a couple months down the line and get cold feet. It has happened to me and it hurts bad. It has probably happened to her as well. She just wants to be casual with you, and doesn't want to feel any pressure right now since she has a lot on her plate.

[wikedjuggalo]

Meah usually when I see someone post about space or break its done for but in this case she has legitimate reasons for doing so and if you do want to be with her should fully respect her wishes. Her life is in shambles right now and the amount of stress she is in probably is more then you can imagine. Let her get back on track. Why would you want to be in a relationship with her if it is going to be tossed on the back burner? Not meaning it in a bad way but she is trying to get through school and has many other things on her plate.

[v1033]

Ignoring the issue of your relationship at the moment has anyone managed to get hold of her? If she's not answering anyone's calls, perhaps she is depressed.. it certainly sounds like she has a lot on her plate. Have you tried just texting/email instead of ringing? Perhaps she would find communicating that way easier?
What did the doctors say caused the abdominal pain? Was it cysts? Has she spoken to the dr about not coping well emotionally?