[DJ 'H']

You know that would make a lot of sense. There were little comments made now and again when he was drunk when we were together that link in with what you are saying - (he always came out with the truth when he was drunk) and there were so many occasions where he would just burst into tears when we got into bed after a night out and just hold me. He does lack confidence and a couple of times he asked me why I was with him?.

But if that's the case how do I handle it?

[kp2171]

I don't have an answer for how to manage it.

Like I said, I know a talented, smart guy who does this to an extreme and it has cost him dearly, and also it has cost those around him who loved him. It's a destructive way to live. And in his case, he has yet to outgrow it at the age of 35. He's lost a house, all jobs, his marriage and kids. Mostly because he just cannot seem to function for long when things are good. But his case I think is an extreme example.

IF this is the issue, that he has a hard time believing he's good enough to deserve the best, then he needs some help or he needs to get himself to a place where he has more confidence. Unfortunately for him, you just cannot handle him with kid gloves. You have yourself to take care of.

Like I've said before, at this point I think all you can do is give him opportunities to be engaged. You'll be able to look yourself in the mirror and know you did what was right. Hopefully he will also be able to, if he finds half the inner strength that you are showing.

[DJ 'H']

Thanks KP - I am doing as well as I can; and I am a lot stronger than I realise. I just hope Pete starts talking soon - I have to start making the first of decisions on the 14th - got my blodd tests to have done.

[giggles]

I wasn't allowed commend your post KP, but you've hit the nail on the head. THere are strong signs of an inferiority complex here, but Holly seems much better than all of this messing, and as you said, she doesn't have the time to focus on someone else's weakness right now.
Yes he f@@ked up, yes he has treated you badly, and yes Holly deserves an answer and some explanations. None of which he has given you by the way, after how long! He hasn't replied to the letter, and I wouldn't hold much hope of that following too quickly since he hasn't even explained the breakup yet or the reasons for his odd behaviour that weekend.
Holly -
This is ridiculously childish and terribly hurtful, especially since you have created life together. Protect yourself right now. If you see him in the garden, DO try and get inside. Don't let him see you hanging about. It allows him to "wallow" and let you see him dithering. It plays into his futile behaviour. This is such a shame, again I'm so sorry but it's better this happened now. Perhaps if he deals with himself, things might work out differently in future, but for now, you have to bring yourself to see that dealing with your pregnancy, and impending motherhood, you are stronger on your own right now than with someone who needs a helping hand. Hopefully he will get his act together and you can see where to go from there, but until then, this is actually a blessing for you - just one baby to look after. Keep us posted, you're doing great x

[Cassie]

I have been reading your post for a few days, My heart goes out to you. I am so glad you are having a good relationship with Pete's parents. You are being more than fair to Pete, and quite mature through all of this. Do not worry so about involving him in your decisions. Do what you feel is best for you and the baby. That is the most important issue at this time. If he wants to become involved, he should know he can be. It sounds as though you have not given him any reason to think otherwise. You are making good decisions and choices so far, keep up the good work and just stay calm and peaceful, it is so important for the baby... and you.

Bless you

[DJ 'H']

Just to keep you posted and up to date...

Pete is on Holiday with his family at the mo. He text me two days ago to say he would be in contact with me either by calling or texting to answer my questions.

His Mum text me yesterday to say he is talking in a positive way about being a Dad and hope he will be in touch with me soon.

[Wildcat21]

Wow... hmmmm - that sound very positive. I hope he comes around.

Remember he is 21 - probably going on 16.

[Krs]

Very positive indeed :)

[DJ 'H']

Remember he is 21 - probably going on 16.

Quite right too Wildcat lol ;)

[DJ 'H']

Very positive indeed :)

Fingers crossed - but not getting my hopes up - that way I am not set for more disappointment or heartache :)

[Marj Ann]

I see LOTS has happened, Holly, since I last checked. I'm DELIGHTED you're [both] doing so well! If I can comment on your letter to Pete:... You MIGHT want to 'reconsider' concerning Pete having a CHOICE whether his name is on the birth certificate. ~ Lots of practical REASONS he should be named. You MIGHT want to get both a legal and a medical opinion. There are many reasons concerning the child's rights & needs to be apprised of & keep mind;;; and NOT to overlook the child's paternal grandparents. Next point: Pete actually mentioned selling the birthday gift you'd given him?? WEIRD thing to mention; all things consdered; and HOW RUDE! ["And your reason, Pete for telling/asking me this ..... is ???" ] Me? I'd ASK him that POINT BLANK! If anyone should be embarrassed it'd be HIM! While some might say ASKING HIM would be 'being picky' & it's a 'small point'; I'd disagree. Especially under the circumstances! How INAPPROPRIATE! ~ ["Like there aren't any IMPORTANT things we could TALK ABOUT?"] The very idea he'd WANT to sell your gift violates basic social 'standards' of good taste, BUT TO MENTION it to YOU! How INANE! I'd suggest it DEFINITELY says 'something' about the man's COMMON SENSE & CONSIDERATION [or lack-of] for others FEELINGS; might you agree? In your letter to Pete, didn't you SPECIFY you two 'could get together in a month or so' to talk about the points in your letter; which rather means IN PERSON! Correct? Do I understand that he later said [by e-mail?] he'd "call or text you to answer"?? I don't THINK SO! NOT ACCEPTABLE! [I suggest this is HARDLY the time/junction he has the luxury of behaving like a 12 year old! ~ REVERTING to some sort of shy, indecisive pre-teen behavior; " Uh... gee, Holly, maybe we can get together & have a soda sometime".] I'm so relieved your job is secure... now AND later! And moving closer? Sounds like a good & practical idea. ~ Even so, not to forget, Pete IS a participant in this 'new little venture' and as such, DOES and WILL continue to have an ongoing financial responsibility as well. I caution you to Not be TOO quick or definite... insisting you can /will/shall 'go it alone'! That MAY be just your pride talking, love. While that MIGHT be your DRUTHERS, the fact is, that's one of many UNKNOWNS! None of us can 'look around corners'! His financial involvement has NOTHING to do with your or his PRIDE. It's more a matter of responsibility AND PRACTICALITY! ~ Well, 'nuff for MY opinions, Holly... It sounds as though you're 'making a list and checking it twice' so to speak! I'm PROUD of you! [Now if I could just figure out how all of here can pool our resources and give you & the little one a BABY SHOWER!. LOL ! Seriously, I'm probably NOT the only one who has had the thought. [by the way, I make GREAT little quilts and receiving BLANKETS! Best to ya', Love! MarjAnn

[DJ 'H']

Pete has just text me it reads as follows:

" Hi,I want to be on the Birth Certificate. As 4 involvement something like 1 day a week and we'll talk money at a later date, I won't be at the scans so ur call on what you want done. With the surname it's normal to go with the dads. The birth is a long way off but there won't be much point in me being there."

What a bastard - there is no point in him being involved at all?

[talaniman]

By DJ

What a bastard - there is no point in him being involved at all?

Cut all contact and make sure the child has court ordered child support and the fathers last name. The mother sounds nice though and should not be made to suffer the sins of the son. As for Pete??

[Wildcat21]

So sad - so imature. Ughhhhhhhhhhhhh

I agree wikth Talamiman. That must be done.

[giggles]

Talk about kicking you when you're down! What does he think he's punishing you for anyway?
Agree with both posts above.
Keep strong xx

[JoeCanada76]

Like the others said, MAKE SURE THE CHILD HAS HIS LASTNAME. Go after him for childsupport.

Joe

[Krs]

Incredible... what a sodding a**hole, immature kiddie, with no morals and respect for you and his un-born child.

He is a loser and Holly believe me when I say its his loss and not yours.

Keep strong
You're on my mind
Xxx

[kp2171]

Well now.

So much for giving pete some leeway on whether he's being a complete a$$.

He doesn't know what he's missing and he doesn't seem to deserve it anyway.

Holly, my wife loved being pregnant. It was not always easy. She was ready to be done at the end. But the carrying of the child, the connection she felt, she absolutely LOVED. And the checkups and scans and all the anticipation is a part of the process. You are going to remember those moments with happiness, as you get closer to meeting the little life that is going to be showing up. I'm not saying there aren't trying times ahead, but if you told my wife that she could have the same boy we have today without carrying the child, shed still want to have gone through it all because of the connection she felt.

Obviously the father cannot experience that same connection, but pete is still missing out on some good stuff, not to mention failing at being an adult.

[Wildcat21]

Well at least you/we have a concrete answer about this guy. No more waiting. Damage is done...

Poor Pete, what an imature guy.

[Krs]

He certainly does NOT deserve any more of Holly's chance's.
No way.

He is so stupid!