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DJ 'H' · Jun 2, 2006, 06:24 AM

OK so Pete split up with me on Sunday, says he does not love me anymore. There was no warning signs and everything was fine until Saturday evening.

I went away for the night on a hen do. I phoned him that night and he could not get me off the phone quick enough.

I did not hear from him all day Sunday, I text him in the end and after a huge delay he responded and asked me to pop round - that's when he told me.

I was in total bits.

To make matters worse I found out on the Monday after that I am pregnant, I have told him; but he is all over the place and giving me mixed signals as to how he feels about me.- I don't know what to do?
Please Help me.

Wildcat21 · Jun 2, 2006, 07:36 AM

Hey DJ H - really sorry to hear all this.

I am wondering what turned Pete? Have you acted differently recently? Maybe due to the prenancy? Any fights/arguments? Bad times?

Does Pete know about the pregnancy?

JoeCanada76 · Jun 2, 2006, 08:33 AM

I am really sorry to hear about what your going through with Pete. Depending on how you feel about being pregnant, could be an amazing experience. Bringing a new child into this world. You said that you already told Pete that you are pregnant. Just hold off on any hasty decisions and let Petes head get rapped around the idea. I hope you asked him where did all that come from. Did you ask him what happened? Do you think he believed you when you told him about the pregnancy? A day after breaking up. I am shocked by this, but In my own opinion just give it some time. I know you will be good, no matter what happens. Remember, things that are stressful now. Even being pregnancy could turn out to be such a positive experience. It is all in how you look at the situation. I know I might not being that helpful to you but Just letting you know what I think.

Joe

DJ 'H' · Jun 2, 2006, 09:14 AM

He could not explain anything. All I know is I went away with the girls on a hen do for one night (on Saturday). He text me like normal in the afternoon to see how I was doing - I phoned him as a reply and e were having a giggle and he said he missed me etc.He ended up out with his single friends that evening. I text him at 1am asking if he was still up and if it was OK to call - he replied yes grogeous with many kissess at the end. I phoned, he answered, to start with fine, then his mates start shouting and he can't get me off the phone quick enough.

I don't hear from him all day Sunday and onlu did because I text him. He then told me he did not love me anymore - however he has been showing me in many ways he does up until Sunday and even though we are not together he is still showing me in many ways that he does and his behaviour is so strange. He is even jealous of out mutual friend who has been round most nights to support me; even though Sam has offered his support to Pete but he has not taken it.

I am so confused and feel so alone right now.

orange · Jun 2, 2006, 09:19 AM

I am so sorry to hear this, Holly. It's weird too, with no warning signs as you say, and with you just finding out you are pregnant, it must be especially stressful. I would say congratulations on the pregnancy, but I'm not sure if it's wanted or not. In any event, I would support you with whatever your plans are regarding that. As Joe says, pregnancy can be wonderful given the right circumstances.

I wonder if Pete is just going through that same thing he did a couple of months back? Where he took off for no reason and wouldn't talk to anyone? As everyone else has said, wait a couple of days to see what happens. Hopefully he will tell you what's up.

Take care, I'm going to be thinking of you!

DJ 'H' · Jun 2, 2006, 09:19 AM

Originally Posted by Wildcat21

Hey DJ H - really sorry to hear all this.

I am wondering what turned Pete? Have you acted differently recently? Maybe due to the prenancy? Any fights/arguments? Bad times?

Does Pete know about the pregnancy?

I have not got a clue, all I know is something happened Saturday night which has lead him to run from me. I know there is something he has not told me.

We have had no fights, no arguments, I have been no different, apart from my hormones which is to be expected since I am pregnant (although we did not know) - no bad times.

Yes pete knows about the pregnancy - I ran next door with the hom pregnancy test to show him as soon as I found out.

Wildcat21 · Jun 2, 2006, 09:32 AM

It's been well documented here that Pete is a good guy.

Although I've had women tell me how much they miss me, not to go etc. - only to break two days later. I think they end up meeting someone else and it is slowly evolving.

I know he will come around. It's going to take time. Pete has a lot to think about. He will make the right decision.

BUT, you should get to the bottom of what happened on Saturday night.

DJ 'H' · Jun 2, 2006, 09:34 AM

Originally Posted by orange

I am so sorry to hear this, Holly. It's weird too, with no warning signs as you say, and with you just finding out you are pregnant, it must be especially stressful. I would say congratulations on the pregnancy, but I'm not sure if it's wanted or not. In any event, I would support you with whatever your plans are regarding that. As Joe says, pregnancy can be wonderful given the right circumstances.

I wonder if Pete is just going through that same thing he did a couple of months back? Where he took off for no reason and wouldn't talk to anyone? As everyone else has said, wait a couple of days to see what happens. Hopefully he will tell you what's up.

Take care, I'm going to be thinking of you!

Pete does not want the baby and I really don't want to have to have another abortion, but I have looked at my options and I cannot afford to be a single mum. I really won't get the help I need financially and I won't be able to continue working. I am pretty stuffed either way!

Originally Posted by Wildcat21

It's been well documented here that Pete is a good guy.

Although I've had women tell me how much they miss me, not to go etc. - only to break two days later. I think they end up meeting someone else and it is slowly evolving.

I know he will come around. It's gonna take time. Pete has a lot to think about. He will make the right decision.

BUT, you should get to the bottom of what happened on Saturday night.

He is a good guy! But pete is theb type where his actions speak louder than words and he is not a very good talker. He is still portraying that he loves me in his actions, they are not backing up his words!

Wildcat21 · Jun 2, 2006, 10:22 AM

Did he tell you he didn't want to have it?

Wondering if you've been a little needy and clingy lately? Like Texting/calling him at 1 AM etc... it's so easy to do and you don't realize you have totally over communicated until it's too late. This straight from my dating rules.

People need space and time. Hope you haven't smothered him recently?

People WANT what they can't have. Even when you 70 tou need a little mystery.

JoeCanada76 · Jun 2, 2006, 10:25 AM

Holly,

In my opinion 90 percent of people who have children are not able to financially. I seen many people still survive and make things work. Children are a gift. It is an amazing experience to be able to create life. There is more to life then money and financially issues. We are talking about a human being. Please do not take me the wrong way. Like others have said it is your decision and all of us are here to support you no matter what. I just feel that you need to give it some time at least.

Joe

31pumpkin · Jun 2, 2006, 10:48 AM

DJ 'H' -

I have to say I have daughters your age. If I were you I would sit it out a while with your BF.
Let him make up his own mind on his own. At your age, I would think you could rely on your family for assistance.
One thing I think of is that if you have an abortion with this man's baby, is that you might never want to get together with him in the future anyway after that.
Have a heart for yourself & the baby now & just start planning what YOU want for real.

Chery · Jun 2, 2006, 02:13 PM

Oh, Lordy, DJ - you have so much on your plate right now. I wish I could tell you all will be OK, but that's not reality.

With the stress of the relationship with your Mom, and now with Pete, I sure hope that you have the support of friends and other family members to help you through this period.

As for advice, I don't know what to tell you except, that men will come and go, as well as their feelings. But, a baby is something else. Since you've also had a previous abortion, you might really want to do a full systems check with your wants, needs, and emotions.

Babies usually are not really planned, and those that are, usually have Moms that live on a schedule and they even manage to 'schedule' time and feelings for their children. I don't think this is the right way to raise a child - as part of a scheduled event in your life.

So, what I'm really trying to convey to you is, that I would keep that baby and tell the father he's either going to be part of it, or he's not - so what. In today's society, men will eventually come to realize that their offspring are more important than they are if mankind is to survive, and then they will want to have those 'roots'. It takes time for them to realize this, but they will.

Whatever your choice in this matter, I hope that all will be well for you. I really wish I could be there to give you so much moral support and affection to help you make your choice. I raised my daughter alone and my daughter will probably go through the same - but my child never missed out on love, and neither will my grandchild. We call 'it' Peanut right now and I think that name is so cute! She does not want to know what its sex is yet - she wants to be surprised. No need to say that it's going to be hard, but I will do the best I can to help her. I certainly wish and hope that your mother will also help you as much as she can, once she realizes the turmoil you are in, her problems will become minor to her. Also hope that your step-dad will be there for you.

Bless you, dear and please keep us posted. Don't forget, we will be here for you, if it helps you - and I certainly hope it does.

Lots of love and hugs!!

Chery

Gather all the strength, love, and support you can from loved ones... you deserve it!

Wish I could be there to comfort you.

valinors_sorrow · Jun 2, 2006, 08:51 PM

I wish I could stretch out my arms in a cyber hug and that you would find shelter from the storm, if only for a little while.

The best advice I have seen here is about slowing down, time to think, time to let emotions ease off a bit, time to let the clearer path reveal itself for you.

An amazing thing is when I experience times like "when rains it pours", those tend to turn out the best for me in the long run. I learn a lot, make new and different decision then and my life changes almost always for the good.

You are most definitely one who is up for learning. Just slow down a little, okay?

talaniman · Jun 2, 2006, 09:14 PM

I agree with Val ,you've had a lot on your plate lately and slowing down to let the dust settle sounds like a good idea! Let Pete catch his breath and get his thoughts around what is a life changing event in his life!

Krs · Jun 3, 2006, 03:20 AM

Hi DJ H, Im so so sorry to hear all of this, and I'm also shocked towards petes actions.

Before you take any drastic decissions about the pregnancy I think you need to sit with pete and talk this through properly. Even if he says he don't love you anymore he must surely still deeply care for u, and the baby your carrying which is his.

You know how tough abortion is, do you really want to go through it again?

I wish I could do more for u, but I'm here if you need me.

Take care hugs and kisses xxxx

s_cianci · Jun 4, 2006, 11:06 AM

Have you talked with him honestly and upfront as to why the sudden change of heart? Something's not adding up here ; the two of you seemed to be doing so great then he abruptly turns off the switch. Now there's a child involved which complicates things greatly. I think communication is the only key here. Don't blame or accuse but be honest and forthright.

Skell · Jun 4, 2006, 04:57 PM

Hi,
Sorry for my ignorance but I haven't been on here long but love reading all the posts and trying my best to be part of the support network. It helps me so much.
But am I right in my understanding that you live next door to pete? This must be really hard for you right now. Knowing the man you love is so close yet so far. Could it be beneficial for you to get away for a while? Go on a little break if possible. I feel for you. From reading your past posts everything seemed so good for you. It seems such a dramatic change. Hopefully it works out for you.

CaptainForest · Jun 4, 2006, 05:52 PM

Sorry to hear about this Holly,

As you said, perhaps something is wrong.

I remember reading a while back that he got freaked out over a surprise birthday you and his mates threw for him.

Perhaps something has happened to him. Maybe you could try talking to him again?

Re: The baby. Hold off for a bit and see what happens with Pete. You can always get an abortion in a few months.

DJ 'H' · Jun 5, 2006, 05:40 AM

Originally Posted by Wildcat21

Did he tell you he didn't want to have it?

Wondering if you've been a little needy and clingy lately? Like Texting/calling him at 1 AM etc.......it's so easy to do and you don't realize you have totally over communicated until it's too late. This straight from my dating rules.

People need space and time. Hope you haven't smothered him recently?

People WANT what they can't have. Even when you 70 tou need a little mystery.

I don't contact him at all. He contacts me.

DJ 'H' · Jun 5, 2006, 05:42 AM

Originally Posted by s_cianci

Have you talked with him honestly and upfront as to why the sudden change of heart? Something's not adding up here ; the two of you seemed to be doing so great then he abruptly turns off the switch. Now there's a child involved which complicates things greatly. I think communication is the only key here. Don't blame or accuse but be honest and forthright.

You are right, everything you have said is what I am trying to do and what I also think. Nothing adds up; however when I tried to talk to him, he just got defensive and angry! - so what can I do? I cannot force him to tell me?