[cflor]

I live in Houston Texas. My husband and I separated this year back in March for that month. We got back together the end of March. I knew he was seeing another girl at that time we were separated, she is now claiming to be pregnant with his child. In my brief conversations with her, I know she got pregnant on purpose to trap him or take him away from my children and I, but it is her word against ours. We are now waiting for December, when the baby is born to take a paternity test to see if he is the father of her child. What rights would my husband have, if any, in this case, to give up parental rights?

[ScottGem]

None. If you have read some of the thousands of similar questions in this forum, you would have learned that getting a TPR is extremely difficult. Generally they are only granted to clear the way for adoption or if the parent is a danger to the child. Neither appears to be the case here. Alleging that she got pregnant on purpose to trap him isn't going to get him anywhere. Even if its proven true, he made the decision to have sex with her.

So if the paternity test is positive, prepare to pay child support.

[stinawords]

As scott pointed out he made the choice to have sex with her and that is one of the possible out comes of having sex. So after the baby is born the judge will order a DNA test and if it comes back positive that it is his then he can have visitation and pay support just like everyother guy that isn't married to the mom.

[cflor]

I understand all that and I know my husband will pay the child support. We could pass on the visitation rights though. I just don't understand why some women do things like this? She knew he was still married to me and we have 2 kids of our own already. Been married for 18yrs. She knew what she was getting into and she still slept with him! Why? Does she have no morals? No dignity? No self respect? I already know she has no respect for me and my kids. I have been readthing through these threads and obviously I am not alone. I see a lot of other women in the same situations. So obviously some women out there just have no self respect and cannot get their own man! How disgusting!

[stinawords]

Before you continue to judge her ask yourself the same questions about your husband... did he not know he was still married? Did he not know he had two kids with you already? Dosen't he have any morals? If he wasn't raped then he has 50% of the responsiblitlty for the relationship with her including the sex. Now, he can choose not to have visitation rights but the support will remain. Will he be disgusted with himself if he completely ignores his child that he created even though he was married to you?

[cflor]

Yes of course he knew he was still married and had kids! He is as much to blame as her! I agree! But he had already came back home to mend things with us, when she purposely pursued him because she didn't want to let him go, she didn't want to lose him, not to me! As far as for visitations with her child- he doesn't want them, he has his kids (ours) and he's enjoying them and now trying to enjoy time with me when she came back into the picture. She says she doesn't want anything to do with him or us, that she is much better than that, but here she is pursuing him still? Not the other way around.

[stinawords]

I still hear the same thing in your voice. It's not illegal for someone to want something the thing is is that I don't think it would bother you so much if you really trusted your husband. The fact that he did come back to you and then went with her again I'm sure is on your mind when it comes back to her and their child. However, as already pointed out it is their child not just hers so while he does not have to visit he can't sign away his child. Maybe some counseling would be handy and who knows maybe the baby isn't even his that is one thing that you will just have to wait until it is born to find out. Just make sure the DNA test is done by court order because if you do one before going to court the judge will just make you do it again then he will have to pay for it twice.

[J_9]

Playing the blame game doesn't work here. Your husband knew that he was married also. He could have said no at any time, yet he didn't. Yes, she may have pursued him, but he also let her.

Also, why ruin the child's life. The child did not choose to come into this world this way. The child did not choose his/her parents.

If it were so easy to terminate parental rights, don't you think there would be a line around the courthouses throughout the world of parents who wish to have NOTHING to do with an innocent child? Giving up rights simply means that the parent has no right to make any decisions regarding the health and welfare of the child. So, if this child were to have a life threatening illness and the mother wished not to proceed with a controversial study in which the child would die without it... your husband would not have the decision making power to keep that child alive. Could you live with that? Could your husband?

Why deprive an innocent child of a father because of mistakes made by such a man? Your children deserve a father don't they? Why doesn't this one?

[JudyKayTee]

I understand all that and i know my husband will pay the child support. we could pass on the visitation rights though. i just don't understand why some women do things like this? she knew he was still married to me and we have 2 kids of our own already. been married for 18yrs. she knew what she was getting into and she still slept with him!? why? does she have no morals? no dignity? no self respect? i already know she has no respect for me and my kids. i have been readthing thru these threads and obviously i am not alone. i see alot of other women in the same situations. so obviously some women out there just have no self respect and cannot get their own man!! how disgusting!

OK, so "she" knew he was married, had 2 kids, was married for 18 years, slept with him, has no morals, dignity or self respect or respect for you and your kids.

Here's the way I see it. This woman owned you NOTHING. Absolutely nothing. Your husband made vows to you and broke them. She owed you, I repeat, NOTHING.

Presumably he also knew he was married, had 2 kids, was married for 18 years. He still took his pants off and laid down with her.

He has no morals, no dignity - and no self respect or respect for you and his children. She didn't spit on your marriage and family. He did.

I never understand, never will, why women get angry with each other when the man strays - for lack of a better word - instead of both of them getting angry with the man, who presumably was not raped at gunpoint.

You're angry with the wrong person - and why she's trying to "trap" this man is totally beyond me.

So if he doesn't want to visit the child, he doesn't have to. He'll be ordered to pay support and no Court will force him to visit.

[Fr_Chuck]

I read posts here every week from the "other women" who was promised that I will leave my wife, I don't really love her but has to stay with her for the kids and so on. The other women then falls in love and has trouble stopping to see the married man.

So I am sure this post would sound different with the other women posting it,

In the end there are 4 truths, yours, your husbands, the other women and in the end what really happened.

At this point, he can deicde not to be a responsible father, and never see his child, ** hard to believe a parent could not want to love their child, or he can work out visits and be a part of his child's life.

[ScottGem]

J_9 beat me to it. But she is right. Why should you penalize this innocent child because your husband couldn't keep it in his pants.

But I go back to your original post in which you say you separated. So I wouldn't be so harsh on him. I gather he may have thought the marriage was over. You also indicated he initiated the reconciliation. So maybe he saw what life would be like without and decided to come back.

But I think you both are being mean spirited to penalize this child.

[sbowman1030]

I have a hard time believing that after being married for 18 years... having two children that are probably teenagers... that he doesn't know what a condom is... scary

[JudyKayTee]

I have a hard time believing that after being married for 18 years.....having two children that are probably teenagers...that he doesn't know what a condom is.....scary

I'm sure he used a condom but the other, evil woman put holes in it in her quest to trap this man.

[cflor]

Well I hear what you all are saying and I do appreciate all of the input. I admit I am still angry and still very very hurt and no not only with her, but with him as well. Believe me, he's had an earful from me already. I'm sure we will need to look into counseling to get past all the anger and pain. He said he did wear a condom! But I felt something was fishy when I had spoken to her on the phone and she said she wanted a baby, wanted to start a family etc. I then told her to go find her a good single man to do that with, but she said no, I want him, then adds and he wants me too, he doesn't want you back anymore anyway! Then goes into a lot of other crap just to hurt me. She sounds so childish and immature on the phone. I still do not feel I should just give him up or just hand him over to her, just like that, just because she is going to have a baby. She will not be the first or the last woman in this world to sleep with a married man and end up pregnant and on her own with a baby. I don't wish her harm, or her baby, I wish for her to find herself her own man, another man, that will love her and her baby and give her the family she wants. I hear everyone saying the same thing over and over about the child being innocent and not picking its parents or not asking to come into the world this way, well I guess this child is in the same boat that I am in, because I did not ask for that child either, not this way, not like this, I didn't ask for this to happen. My husband will even tell you, if I wanted a baby, I would have another one with my wife! But oh well, guess life is just not fair all the way around! Men will be men, we have all learned that! I believe it is in US as women! To respect ourselves enough to say NO! I am not sleeping with this man, just because he says he is separated! It can wait until he is finally divorced, because you never know if he will return with his wife and family, if he likes it fine, if not then tough! That's what I do! During our separation when I have gone out with friends and a married man approaches me to buy me a drink or talk to me, I'm like oh hell no! No thank you! Come back out when you're divorced buddy then maybe we can "talk". Anyway, I appreciate all your thoughts and opinions. I have read many threads on here and have seen that a lot more women are going through the same thing I am and its sad. I guess that's why they say, things happen for a reason.

[froggy7]

i still do not feel i should just give him up or just hand him over to her, just like that, just because she is going to have a baby. she will not be the first or the last woman in this world to sleep with a married man and end up pregnant and on her own with a baby. i don't wish her harm, or her baby, i wish for her to find herself her own man, another man, that will love her and her baby and give her the family she wants. i hear everyone saying the same thing over and over about the child being innocent and not picking its parents or not asking to come into the world this way, well i guess this child is in the same boat that i am in, because i did not ask for that child either, not this way, not like this, i didnt ask for this to happen. my husband will even tell you, if i wanted a baby, i would have another one with my wife!

First, I will point out that your husband isn't your property. It's not up to you to "hand him over" to the other woman. Also, if you are upset now at him, imagine how you will feel knowing that your husband can walk away from a his own child. Keep in mind that, if he can do that to this baby, then if you get divorced, he's likely to do that to your kids as well. So I'd be encouraging him to do the right thing in this case.

[cflor]

Yeah well just what IS the right thing anymore? It wasn't right what either of them did in the first place. But yeah what's done is done and he will be responsible and pay child support. I've told him if he wants her and wants to be with her that he can be my guest, I won't hold him back, our kids are teenagers now, they know what's going on, it doesn't need to be kept from them or explained to them either and they will always be his kids and he can see them whenever he wants. I told him he can start new and fresh with her if he wants, but he don't want that. So now what. I guess only time will tell.

[cunfuzed]

i live in Houston Texas. my husband and i separated this year back in March for that month. we got back together the end of March. i knew he was seeing another girl at that time we were separated, she is now claiming to be pregnant with his child. in my brief conversations with her, i know she got pregnant on purpose to trap him or take him away from my children and I, but it is her word against ours. we are now waiting for December, when the baby is born to take a paternity test to see if he is the father of her child. what rights would my husband have, if any, in this case, to give up parental rights?

Your husband will have the right to pay child support and visit the child if he is proven to be the father through the courts.

[ScottGem]

Your husban will have the right to pay child support and visit the child if he is proven to be the father through the courts.

First, paying child support is a responsibility not a right. Second, well DUH!

[cunfuzed]

YOU ARE CRAZY and living in a fantasy world, and if you can't realize your husbands role in this, you are sick. You are upset because your perfect little world has been impeded by a child that is not your, but your husbands. Honestly, there is nothing you cand do, and if your hubby wants to be a daddy to that child, you will just have to sit back and allow them to have a relationship, or else it may ruin yours with him. And I am certain she will take hubby to the cleaners for child support if he doesn't get involved. I am sorry to say it that way, but that's reality.

[cunfuzed]

First, paying child support is a responsibility not a right. Second, well DUH!

I was being sarcastic. She gets the point.