[eugene21]

So broken up with GF of 3 years. She broke it off in the beginning saying we had to many issues and she feels different about things. She said that she loves me and always will but too much has happened and its not going to work anymore. So like many I chased her for 8 months. We talked and saw each other a few times. In between the time I asked her if she loved me and she said she was not sure. Recently we saw each other maybe for the last time to exchange our things and she said she is happy and has moved on with her life. She said she feels nothing for me anymore and does not love me.

Ok... I said it went from I love you, to I don't know, to I don't love you anymore? I am confused. I was doomed from day one with her because her friends helped her get over me by buying for her a book called " they call it breaking up because its broken" she said the book really helped her move on from this. She said she would like to stay in my life as a friend but nothing more and that I need to understand she is not coming back to me so stop texting and calling all the time. She said the wound has not healed yet so maybe after a year she said it takes time and gets easier. She said if and when we do talk she does not want to hear about not giving me a second chance and how I have changed because she is annoyed by it all and does not want to talk about it anymore. Note that when we meet that's all she talked about was all the bad things I did to her and the relationship. So I said to her OK and left it at that.


Since I purchased a book called " how to get your ex back" by blasé harris and it has a lot of good points in it. The main thing it tells you to do is to love your ex 100% and buy her things on holidays and birthdays that have a lot for meaning to show her you love her and care for her. Its called loving her back to you. Now it makes since in many ways but how would this work if the other person has moved on and does not love you?? I mean its from what I saw meant to prevent a break up or to help get your ex back that left because of mistreatment and lack of love. Now I mistreated her the last few months but it was with family issues we were having. I am the reason we are not together and I am the reason she fell out of love for me. I know this but when I ask her she says she does not know why she lost the love for me.


I feel a lot better since its been 8 months. I do want to be her friend but I don't think I can do it for the wrong reasons. A part of me wants to follow this book to love her back and a part says what's the point just move on as she asked and wants me to. The book says go for what you want and love her back. I just don't know what to do. I don't want to give up and regret it but I don't want to annoy her more and keep bothering her. The fact is I never left her life I kept e-mailing her and begging and pleading to have her back over the 8 months. I mean it was not everyday but the longest I left her alone completely was 5 weeks and that's not long. I think she really has not felt how it is without me completely gone and since I dragged this out for 8 months for her to contact me again or to wonder hey why has he not bothered me would be a very long time for her to actually believe I have moved on. Opinions please on this situation.


There's this old saying "How can I miss you if you won't go away?".

Go no contact, cut her out for as long as it takes. No checking in on her, not once! No cheating on no contact or else she can't miss you.


You cannot make someone love you again, especially if they have decided to move on.

The best thing you can do, the very best, is give them space. Let them do what they want. If you cling to them or try with them, you won't accomplish much except annoying them. You may think talking to your ex about just happy things will win them over, but it won't. Just leave them alone.

If you read these forums, there are a large amount of posts about dumpee's getting a call a year or so later from their ex, in which case their ex seems to be half wanting them back. Generally the dumpee's in these situations have moved on though!

Its funny, I think and ex only really comes back once you've moved on. I firmly believe that. So as backwards as it sounds - let go of all hope. Live your life, become happy and sexy and confident again. They'll come back someday, but the fact is, by then you probably won't want them anymore.

But... what if what the book says to do helps and she comes around?? I just don't want to have feelings with what if and I should have done this.

[Romefalls19]

I wouldn't buy into those stupid books, if they worked so well don't you think this site would be a little scarce?

[liz28]

You answered your own question and you can't get someone back if they don't want to be with you. You can spend tons of money of things for her, send all the cards and flowers you want but in the end you just burned money and could have used that energy for moving on. It seems that your ex is done with you and if anything you should respect her decision and do the same, move on.

[JBeaucaire]

You're not the first person to post here about the uselessness of that book. It is filled with wishfulness. I'm sorry for your loss.

Meanwhile, your tomorrow is rapidly approaching. Your real future only needs you to look towards it for it to come.

[talaniman]

but... what if what the book says to do helps and she comes around?? I just don't want to have feelings with what if and I should have done this.

Throw away the book, and get some real answers, from real people, who have been there, and done that.

[kctiger]

I am just like you. The first week after I was dumped I bought a book similar to yours. It is all crap. You CANNOT make someone fall in love with you, it will NEVER happen. If two people are all in all in love, 9 times out of 10 you will be together. The book did nothing but give me false hopes and was a complete waste of money.