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Sweet_Guy23 · Oct 13, 2008, 07:57 AM

Originally Posted by Sweet_Guy23

Now that you have a lil background...heres what happen recently. 2 weeks after I broke up with her. As time goes by Im fine...finally realizing that I need to accept the situation and move on. Well I didn't I kept believing in a "false hope" that things can work out. So I broke the "NO CONTACT" rule and messaged her telling her that "I miss her and that we can work things out and that there was so much more of me that I wanted her to get to know and that I care for her so much."

So 4 days go by. I text her to see how she was doing. Then I asked her "Is she still thinking about everything or is her mind made up about what she want to do" and she said she was still thinking. But then she changed the subject and said she has to go so I said ok. So this past Saturday I texted her and told that I had some things to do but after that I am free if she wanted to talk. Maybe we could go get a bite to eat and just talk. She didn't return a message sayin anything. So later that day I texted her again letting her know that I was done with what I had to do. She texted me back and said "No Im trying to catch up on my homework." I felt that the tone in text was friendly at all. So I texted her back and said "I sorry to bother you then. Good luck with studying. take care."

She didn't text back so I felt that you know her mind is made up she is not thinking about the situation she just want me to just moved on without her having to tell me. So I texted her saying "I really like you but are you really thinking about the situation? I just want us to make a honest try." So she texts me back and says that "I don't want a second chance. I dont believe in that bc it will never be like it was at first so no" So when I read that I started to think that she had her mind made up a long time ago. SHE DOESN'T BELIEVE IN SECOND CHANCES BUT I GAVE HER A SECOND CHANCE! I felt like I was lead on. But if she would of never changed on me we would be alright. She is talking like it was my fault that the relationship went to way it did. It was all her doin.

Since the break up was fresh...During the past week on her facebook status online. It read "I am confused about this one [guy]. Yet Im am so infactuate by him. And yes. it is you." Other times it said "I have high hopes in someone"...."What happen between then and now. Was all of that just talk?"..."Ima have to pass on that offer and leave the past in the past." AND SHE TOLD ME THAT ALL OF THAT WASN'T ABOUT ME. SO THAT TELLS ME THAT SHE MOVED ON VERY QUICKLY WHEN I BROKE UP WITH HER. SHE WASNT THINKING ABOUT ANYTHING. I FELT LIKE SHE WAS LEADING ME ON....I NEED YOU GUYS ADVICE.

This past Saturday midday I texted her "Are you ok?"... then "I hope you are doin fine and everything is ok with you. You popped in my mind." and she didn't reply at all. So I left it alone. Then Sunday it was still on my mind. So I texted her could I talk to her? You know... basically I wanted say that I accepted the fact that she doesn't want to be with me, but could me and her be on good terms. I even apologized to her for how things turned out. She ignores me! I really was trying to be the bigger person because she a christian, and I'm a christian and I thought maybe me and her can be friends and put the past behind us. But she ignores, doesn't reply or anything. Messaged her on myspace and she doesn't read those messages. I called her but she never answered so I left a voicemail saying the same thing. I don't understand.

Romefalls19 · Oct 13, 2008, 08:07 AM

LEAVE HER ALONE! Do you have any dignity left? Grow a set and just accept that its over, if she wants to talk to you, believe me, she will make an attempt. You shouldn't have broken NC, but you did. After the first time she ignored you, you should have gotten the hint and yet you didn't so you went psycho and called her, messaged her and texted her. Just let it go

Molecular · Oct 13, 2008, 08:13 AM

I hate to break this to you but being needy is probably the worst thing you could've done. I realize that a part of you still wants contact with your ex. After all, when it comes to people you care about, all you really want is to know how they're doing, even if it means they're not really yours anymore.

At the end of the day, though, most of the reason you want contact with said person is a faint hope that some day something will bloss up again, whereas the possibility of this happening is very slim and being needy will surely only make it worse. I know how it is. Part of me wants to be friends with my ex-girlfriend, although I've come to terms with the fact that it's just a hopeless way of keeping her in my life, and that it'll only end up hurting me.

Your ex-girlfriend is igorning you for a reason, probably because she feels suffocated as long as you're around her, part of her most likely wants to be free and she wants to feel like she can do whatever she wants. When you're contacting her and she gets the option to ignore you, you're giving her just what she wants. Control, and an ego-boost. I believe that most times when a woman breaks up with a man who really loves her, part of it is because she feels good about herself and feels she has things to offer the world. Basically when you're being needy and keep sending her messages and wanting to talk to her / meet her, she feels like she's "a catch" per se, and will most likely just send her further away, not to mention the fact that regardless of any action she does, she'll feel like she's got something to fall back on.

Now, no matter what your future holds for you, if you'll eventually get over this woman and not want her back, or if you do want her back sometime in the future, the best option is NC. No matter what your goal is, contacting her is only going to make life more miserable for you. I know this is hard to understand, heck I was reading it on these forums over and over and over again and part of me couldn't quite believe it so I too did the fatal mistake of contacting her and making her feel important, which just ends up giving her all that control and pushing me away. The last time I spoke to my girlfriend I gave her a devil-may-care attitude and acted like I didn't really care that she was gone, and only then, for the first time since we broke up I actually got a response for her that was showing she was displeased.

So please, think of it this way: If you ever want a slightest chance of the two of you getting back together, you're going to have to do NC. After a couple weeks or months of NC, you'll probably not even care that much if you ever do get back together, and you'll probably have evolved a lot as an individual. But I can't stress it enough, do not contact her. Do whatever you can do prevent yourself from contact her as soon as your head is clear enough. Delete her number, delete her mail, anything that could help.

epiphany · Oct 13, 2008, 08:14 AM

Contacting one time is a slip up, a bad one, but it happens. Repeated attempts using every way you can think (text, myspace messages, calling) without any response from her is when you just show to her you are missing the big red flag that you're done.

I'm sorry, but all you did was make yourself look desperate over a girl who clearly hasn't been interested in some time. Work on getting over her and then you can focus on meeting a girl who will be better for you.

Clinging to this one is clearly just going to deplete any dignity and self esteem you have left.

kctiger · Oct 13, 2008, 08:21 AM

I know how you feel! I am on day 2 of NC and it is hard, especially in my situation to find out she has already found another boyfriend. I treat it literally like someone is dying now. I have changed my phone number, gotten rid of Facebook, blocked her email address and every singe piece of evidence I have at my house is in a box in the basement. I know now that I cannot talk, see or even email her until I am healed. Could be a month (I wish), or could be a year. It truly is painful but contacting her only opens up the wound again. All the past couple of weeks when I slipped up I now know she didn't pick up the phone due to being with her new man...

liz28 · Oct 13, 2008, 08:29 AM

She doesn't want to be your friend nor have anything to do with you so stop reaching out to her. What your had and shared is over with. She don't want to have any discusses with you about your two. If I was her I would be ignored and change my number. Stop the text messages and bothering her and stop checking out her Facebook account and move on. It doesn't matter that you two are Christians she don't want to be bothered by you. You should realized that and move forward and accept that what your had is over.

Sweet_Guy23 · Oct 13, 2008, 08:54 AM

Yea its so hard... I care for her a lot... you know? I actually thought I was making progress, then I slipped up and contacted her. And she has shown that she is uninterested and done with me and her, but its still hard to me to not hit her up... I have to stay on NC. I just have to. I was doing so good. Why isn't she taking it as hard as I am??

talaniman · Oct 13, 2008, 08:57 AM

Your not very good at taking hints, are you??

One question though, which is harder?? Your head, or that brick wall??

Sweet_Guy23 · Oct 13, 2008, 09:24 AM

That brick wall I keeping running in to is harder!! Im tired of it... really I am...

High Max · Oct 13, 2008, 09:43 AM

You can do this, I have got through the worst of it, and I did more crazy things than you.. for God sake I tried to fake an accident. Don't let this consume you.

Sweet_Guy23 · Oct 13, 2008, 09:59 AM

Naw I'm not gone do anything like that... lol But I just need to let it go. Its so obvious that she did... you know?? She is such a good girl, the perfect girl for me. You know... what pops in my mind is how she used to treat me when she was crazy about me... you know? Even doe that's all over with... I don't understand how a good situation turned so bad... I keep believing in that false hope... bad thing to do.
I KEEP HITTING THAT BRICK WALL Every time MAKING MYSELF LOOK INSECURE AND NEEDY.

I Should have NEVER GOT INTO THIS RELATIONSHIP... IT WOULD HAVE SAVED A lot OF HEARTACHE AND PAIN...

liz28 · Oct 13, 2008, 10:09 AM

How long ago was the break-up? You can't take a step forward then 2 steps back and you can't make someone try to be with you if they don't want too. You really need to let go.

High Max, was you the one that posted a thread about faking a injury from a car accident and you had some relatives to go along with the plot?

talaniman · Oct 13, 2008, 10:11 AM

I Should have NEVER GOT INTO THIS RELATIONSHIP... IT WOULD HAVE SAVED A lot OF HEARTACHE AND PAIN...

If you would never have gotten into this, you would never have learned what to do with that misery and pain, and would have no experience to call on in the future. we all learn from our misery and pain, and are better for it in the long run, as you will see for yourself.

Sucks big-time now, I know.

High Max · Oct 13, 2008, 10:20 AM

Originally Posted by liz28

How long ago was the the break-up? You can't take a step forward then 2 steps back and you can't make someone try to be with you if they don't want too. You really need to let go.

High Max, was you the one that posted a thread about faking a injury from a car accident and you had some relatives to go along with the plot?

I tried to pay my sister money to go along with it, but nobody else would. I used their cell phones to text her when they went to bed to try and make it more believable.

liz28 · Oct 13, 2008, 10:42 AM

That's good they didn't but I remember answering your thread and was shocked that someone would do that in hopes of getting someone back. That how come when you said that in this thread, that post came to mind but I couldn't remember who post it. Glad your planned got folded and you moved on.

High Max · Oct 13, 2008, 10:59 AM

The goal was to get her to find a new found appreciation for me and come back to me. She asked if I was doing OK a few times, but that was it, even though I emphasized near death injuries. I answered my own questions as to how much she cared for me at that point.

Sweet_Guy23 · Oct 13, 2008, 11:19 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

If you would never have gotten into this, you would never have learned what to do with that misery and pain, and would have no experience to call on in the future. we all learn from our misery and pain, and are better for it in the long run, as you will see for yourself.

Sucks big-time now, I know.

Yea I can kind of see that... prolly will see that more as time goes by... you know? When I really get over her... for real. But I can honestly say that I learned a lot from this situation. This is the first relationship that I actually took this hard, learned a lot about myself. But going through this did knock my self-esteem down some though (sometimes thinking will I ever meet someone as cool as she was.) Even though I know there other fish in the sea. What a experience though?

Sweet_Guy23 · Oct 13, 2008, 11:59 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

If you would never have gotten into this, you would never have learned what to do with that misery and pain, and would have no experience to call on in the future. we all learn from our misery and pain, and are better for it in the long run, as you will see for yourself.

Sucks big-time now, I know.

Yea I can kind of see that... prolly will see that more as time goes by... you know? When I really get over her... for real. But I can honestly say that I learned a lot from this situation. This is the first relationship that I actually took this hard, learned a lot about myself. But going through this did knock my self-esteem down some though (sometimes thinking will I ever meet someone as cool as she was.) Even though I know there other fish in the sea. What a experience though?

talaniman · Oct 13, 2008, 12:08 PM

What an experience though?

You ain't kiddin', buddy!!

Wait until the next one, and trust me there will be another, so heal, and get ready.

Sweet_Guy23 · Oct 13, 2008, 12:34 PM

Aww man... not another one of those..! Hopefully If I really learned from this experience it would teach me to follow my gut feelings, and pay more attention to the changes when they happen early on. And learn to guard my heart more carefully... and don't take someone's words to heart... pay more attention the actions behind the words...