[SpyBorg82]

OK... My ex and I broke up in June. We started talking again in July and were hanging out again. She told me that she liked how this was going and wanted it to continue so we could get back together. About a week after she made that comment in August, she told me that she realized that we are never going to change and that it was over. Later that day she wanted to meet for coffee. I then proceeded to tell her that I agree 100% with her on everything, and that us parting ways is the best thing for us. As a result of that, she began to cry. We then said goodbye and left.

A week later I get a text message from her telling me to have a good day. A week after that I get another text message from her telling me to enjoy my weekend. About a week ago, I got a message from her asking if myself and my family were doing well. Oh and to top it off, over the summer, she was putting a down payment on a condo two blocks away from my house. As of right now, I do not know if she is still moving in there.

Here is the thing... I am moving on, and want to move on. I do love her, but cannot move on if she will continue this. What I would like to know is why she is doing this if she wanted it to be over in the first place. What are her intentions. Should I tell her next time she contacts me to not do it anymore, or simply ignore it?

I do love her, but feel that being apart from one another is the best thing for me.

[HistorianChick]

You have a few options:

1. Tell her to please stop texting you. You both agreed to make a clean break and have begun to move on.

2. Delete text messages without reading and ignore them. This is a less confrontational way of doing the same thing. If you don't want to talk to her, simply delete, delete, delete.

3. Change your phone number. It doesn't sound like this drastic measure is needed at this point, but it is an option.

Whatever way you decide to cease communications with her, make it a firm decision. Don't waffle from it once you've decided what to do. If you tell her to stop, then mean it. Don't BE mean, just mean it. If you simply decide to just ignore, really do it. Don't let your curiosity get the best of you.

Honestly? It seems like she does just miss you. I've gone the "I'll just ignore it" route, but it really doesn't help. You still know when they sent a text/email, even if you don't read it. Personally, I would ask her very nicely to just stop.

I wish you the best!

[JBeaucaire]

Here is the thing... I am moving on, and want to move on. I do love her, but cannot move on if she will continue this.

Poppycock. That isn't a reality, it's a waffling. You absolutely can and will move on. Her texts are an intrusion and a distraction, they have no controlling influence on you. If you don't "move on", it won't matter what reasons you rationalize it with, it's still YOU not moving on. You can't pass this buck.

What I would like to know is why she is doing this if she wanted it to be over in the first place. What are her intentions.

She's sad and lonely. Perfectly normal. Feelings don't evaporate and you are a comforting memory. She is thinking of herself when she texts asking about you. She is thinking of herself. Do you understand that?

Should I tell her next time she contacts me to not do it anymore, or simply ignore it?

Follow the suggestion above... train your phone to delete those messages on its own. If your phone won't do that, change phones to one that has that ability. Don't think about this, just do it.

I do love her, but feel that being apart from one another is the best thing for me.

You are correct. You have to remove her ability to toss emotional grenades at you just to make herself feel better. Asking her won't work. Cut the access. Change the phones, numbers or both.

If she has your email address, tell your email program to delete messages from her as they arrive. The point here is to NEVER even know the messages came. You can do that.

[MsJulia]

Oh man... reminds me of my boyfriends ex. She obviously STILL loves you and wants to be with you.

Either stop ALL contact with her (ignore her texts/emails/phone calls) and move on with your life... or get back together with her.

Don't start dating another girl until your ex is completely out of your life.

[NorthernNiceGuy]

Have the same problem as you...

We broke up in April and up until a week ago the texts were still coming. She misses you and wants to keep herself in your mind. These texts wreak havoc on us though. I want to move on too but every time I get one of these it sets me back a little bit.

Now some options for you, text her once and tell her what you said in your last line. That in order for you to move on you need to end all contact between the two of you. This didn't work for me though, I wouldn't hear from her for weeks at a time but then she would start up again when she got sad or wanted to know how far along I was.

I was forced to change my cell phone number last week. It seems a bit drastic but I am so glad I did. There was a lot of relief in knowing I wouldn't have to deal with that anymore.

It's weird how much these little texts can affect you when you are trying to move on, you have to put your foot down though and stop them, for your own good.

[JBeaucaire]

I still say just block the messages from the source, usually some setting on your account via the internet. The benefit is you can also block spam messages sent to your phone from the internet:

• AT&T: Log in at mymessages.wireless.att.com. Under Preferences, you'll see the text-blocking and alias options. Here's also where you can block messages from specific e-mail addresses or Web sites.
• Verizon Wireless: Log in at vtext.com. Under Text Messaging, click Preferences. Click Text Blocking. You're offered choices to block text messages from e-mail or from the Web. Here again, you can block specific addresses or Web sites. (Here's where you set up your aliases, too.)
• Sprint: No auto-blocking is available at all, but you can block specific phone numbers and addresses. To get started, log in at http://www.sprint.com. On the top navigation bar, click My Online Tools. Under Communication Tools, click Text Messaging. On the Compose a Text Message page, under Text Messaging Options, click Settings & Preferences. In the text box, you can enter a phone number, email address or domain (such as Comcast.net) that you want to block.
• T-Mobile: T-Mobile doesn't yet offer a “block text messages from the Internet” option. You can block all messages sent by e-mail, though, or permit only messages sent to your phone's e-mail address or alias, or create filters that block text messages containing certain phrases. It's all waiting when you log into http://www.t-mobile.com and click Communication Tools.

Source

[NorthernNiceGuy]

I still say just block the messages from the source, usually some setting on your account via the internet. The benefit is you can also block spam messages sent to your phone from the internet:

• AT&T: Log in at mymessages.wireless.att.com. Under Preferences, you’ll see the text-blocking and alias options. Here’s also where you can block messages from specific e-mail addresses or Web sites.
• Verizon Wireless: Log in at vtext.com. Under Text Messaging, click Preferences. Click Text Blocking. You’re offered choices to block text messages from e-mail or from the Web. Here again, you can block specific addresses or Web sites. (Here’s where you set up your aliases, too.)
• Sprint: No auto-blocking is available at all, but you can block specific phone numbers and addresses. To get started, log in at Cell Phones, Mobile Phones, and Wireless Calling Plans from Sprint. On the top navigation bar, click My Online Tools. Under Communication Tools, click Text Messaging. On the Compose a Text Message page, under Text Messaging Options, click Settings & Preferences. In the text box, you can enter a phone number, email address or domain (such as Comcast.net) that you want to block.
• T-Mobile: T-Mobile doesn’t yet offer a “block text messages from the Internet” option. You can block all messages sent by e-mail, though, or permit only messages sent to your phone’s e-mail address or alias, or create filters that block text messages containing certain phrases. It’s all waiting when you log into Unsupported Browser and click Communication Tools.

Wish I had some of those options... Up here in Canada our Wireless Carriers don't offer text or call blocking on cell phones. Not because they can't but because they see these calls and texts as billable minutes. My cell company (Telus) told me the only way they would do it was if I took legal action against her... well that's a little too far. Hopefully you have a carrier that will allow you to do that.

[JBeaucaire]

What about add-on apps to filter the messages? Nothing?

[NorthernNiceGuy]

No apps were available through my carrier that would do the job... didn't really take a look anywhere else though. Ah well, what's done is done.. No more worries.

Have any recommendations for apps that you can universal install from your computer that will do this?

[SpyBorg82]

Oh man... reminds me of my boyfriends ex. She obviously STILL loves you and wants to be with you.

Either stop ALL contact with her (ignore her texts/emails/phone calls) and move on with your life... or get back together with her.

Don't start dating another girl untill your ex is completely out of your life.

Do not forget that she ended it.

[Chery]

Hi, dear.

The advice you've received here is great. I just have a question - you stated that you still love her.. how far are you willing to go to get her back and build a relationship with harmony? If so, you need to first learn her 'language' as communication is hard for some men and women - they practically need a translator or someone to coach them when the time is right to say things so that they won't come across as criticism or attempts to change the other person. This would apply to both of you and would entail a lot of work. So, again, how important is this to you and do you think she would be willing to work together?

A hint on the way. When a woman wants to talk about issues, sometimes she just wants you to listen and just be there, not automatically thinking you have to put your 'Mr. Fix-it' cap on.

If you have a new girlfriend and the communication line is more open and synchronized then asses your life's goals and decide one way or the other. Just remember that she also invested time in you and that you need to respect her enough to tell her how you really feel about what's going on inside.

In the end, it's YOUR choice and we will be here to help you over the rough parts as best as we can.

Good luck dear, and Happy Healing!

[SpyBorg82]

Hi, dear.

The advice you've received here is great. I just have a question - you stated that you still love her.. how far are you willing to go to get her back and build a relationship with harmony? If so, you need to first learn her 'language' as communication is hard for some men and women - they practically need a translator or someone to coach them when the time is right to say things so that they won't come across as criticism or attempts to change the other person. This would apply to both of you and would entail a lot of work. So, again, how important is this to you and do you think she would be willing to work together?

A hint on the way. When a woman wants to talk about issues, sometimes she just wants you to listen and just be there, not automatically thinking you have to put your 'Mr. Fix-it' cap on.

If you have a new girlfriend and the communication line is more open and synchronized then asses your life's goals and decide one way or the other. Just remember that she also invested time in you and that you need to respect her enough to tell her how you really feel about what's going on inside.

In the end, it's YOUR choice and we will be here to help you over the rough parts as best as we can.

Good luck dear, and Happy Healing!

She turned around and said it was over. I am not going to reach out to her and ask her if she wants to work this out. Whatever is meant to be, will be. Let her live her life, and I will live mine. I am not going to play games. I do love her, but not into playing games with her. She did the same thing summer of 2007 when she claimed she needed a break. I will not be fooled again

[Chery]

In that case, you know what you have to do, no matter how long it takes to get over it and make sure she no longer invades your space and goals in life.

Wish you better luck next time.. you're right, games are for kids and most adults should be 'grown up', but that's not always the case.

Stay with us and let us know when you reach another bump in the road. We'll be here.

[talaniman]

I do love her, but feel that being apart from one another is the best thing for me.

Do what it takes to disappear from her life all together. NO CONTACT whatsoever.

[busterite]

Should I tell her next time she contacts me to not do it anymore, or simply ignore it?

It doesn't sound like she would respect your wish to break any contact. I know because I have been through it and I am still going through it after 3 months. Although I decided to just disappear she always finds ways to get her message through, mainly through common friends. I have decided that I will ignore it all until I get to a state of mind where I will feel completely fine with it. So I suggest you either ignore it if you can and its not too much for you or change all your contact details and disappear altogether. It might sound too much but its for your own good believe me.

[SpyBorg82]

The only issue I have that gets me going crazy, is picturing her with another guy. I wish I do not have to see that while I am still trying to get over her. Any advice on how I can cope with that??

[MC12545]

Dude seriously I got out of a very similar situation. For your own sake cut all ties. I was dumb enough to respond to all her messages and call her back and I'm still hurt.. She just wants to make sure you are there. Listen to (jb) and others. If I would have listen to (jb) earlier, I would avoided so much more pain... cut all ties... its not worth it!!

[NorthernNiceGuy]

As for thinking about her with other guys... there is not a whole lot you can do to cope with that. You can't control your thoughts. The only thing you can tell yourself (if you are doing NC) is that you don't know for sure she actually is with someone. So realize everything you think of is a fabrication of your imagination and shouldn't be taken seriously.

[Chery]

There is nothing we can do to prevent anyone from continuing on in life, so try and concentrate on your's - that's what counts dear. Continue to set your goals and reach them, and soon those feeling will pass. It all takes time, and I promise, that will also fade into nothingness soon (those visions). Just concentrate on other things when you get that 'feeling' and envision yourself somewhere more peaceful for you and your irritated feelings at that time.

Time will heal, I promise - millions of us out there manage to finally suppress that visional issue too.

Have a good and uneventful weekend,

[SpyBorg82]

UPDATE!!

I haven't heard form the ex in a while. However, my friend ran into her the other night, and I she had mentioned her new apartment to him. I immediately cut him short telling himt hat I do not want to hear anything about her. I hope she doesn't think I am going to try and reach out to her as a result of this. Plus I think she started talking about her new apartment just so it gets back to me.

Today, I find myself thinking about her and kind of missing her. Please advise