[MeestiMoore]

My younger sister has been stealing my belongings for a good 4 years now. Normally, this would sound like a younger sister simply "borrowing" my clothing deal, but it is becoming detrimental to my relationship with her (I no longer trust her), fuels many fights, and makes me loathe being in the same room with her.

It began when she would take my clothes from the laundry basket before it reached my room. Then it escalated to her stealing clothing from inside my room (closet, drawer, etc.. ) wearing it to school, taking her own clothing in her backpack, where she would change back into her clothes before she returned home where I wouldn't know. (it has been corroborated by my other two younger siblings who have seen her rummage through my belongings and wear/use my items)

Finally fed up, I confronted my parents about this (multiple times) and each time they allow me to go through her room (I actually cleaned it up entirely once, at their asking) and find 10-15 pairs of not only my clothing, but that of my mother's too.
I've seen her walking around in my underwear, and I'll tell her that they belong to me (because I've bought them. The lacy kind) and she'll blatantly deny that they are mine.

She stole $40 out of my father's wallet once, vehemently denied it; got punished for it, and still did not confess, until weeks later, she admitted to my mother that she stole it, but told me that she had no idea where it went.

On and off she will use my personal items (such as razors and hair bands) deny that she uses them, even though I've seen her wear the head band, and no one else (except for my mom) shaves, she is 14 now.

Last week she took my small box of bobby pins (it rested on my dresser) and hid them in the bathroom drawer. My hat I keep in my underwear drawer was missing, I asked her if she had seen it, she said no, and then when I came home from school that day, it had re-appeared, as if it was never missing.

Last month I was transferring music onto my mp3 player, went around the house and in less than 30 minutes, the music player was gone. I pleaded with all my family members if they had seen it, and no one had. I thought it had fallen into a crevice somewhere between my desks never to be seen again, when to my surprise two days ago I was looking for towels in my hall closet, and found it lying there with all the towels and blankets. No one knew where it was, it just "appeared out of thin air" yet again, like most of my items.

She denies that she takes them, when it is obvious to the entire family that she does. She is belligerent when she is and isn't stealing, and openly argues and yells at my mom, dad, and younger siblings. She likes to curse, and is crude when speaking to my 9 yr. old sister. Sometimes prone to violence and yelling.
There are off days when she will be nice, and kind to those around her, other times she becomes violent over food.

Two weeks ago, I ate a burrito (unbeknown to me it "belonged" to the 14 yr. old sister). She raged into my room grabbed the burrito, squished it, and then smudged it into my chest.

Often times when she does these, I retort back; but never do I steal from her. I will yell, and when she burrito attacked me, I did resort to some violence, but I try to stay with retorts about how she doesn't value our family.

I've decided to put a lock on my door, but other than that I don't know what to do. I (as well as most of the family) have had it up to my head in her attitude. I don't think it's just a phase (as my mom likes to believe).
what can I do?

[simoneaugie]

How old are you? It sounds as if the entire family has a problem. I think your parents need to be more proactive.

It is not your responsibility to parent your sister. You should not have your things taken and used without your permission. A lock on your door may curtail some of the problems you are experiencing, but what about the pattern of behavior that is affecting everyone?

[MeestiMoore]

I'm 18.

It's difficult, my parents are pretty religious; they don't shove religion down our throats, but it's very important to my mom--that's one of the things she's (sister) pushing, trying, rebelling against. My sister likes to be rebellious in everything she does, she pierced her own lip and nose, and didn't tell anyone for a good 3 months. She smokes, and who knows what else with her "friends". I'm afraid she's going to end up pregnant at the rate she's going. She tells me things that she does, and then denies them when I bring them up again. (being drunk, weed, hash brownies, making out with guys... she tells me them, and then later tells me she was lying... )

I'm not sure my parents know what to do, without ostracizing her more. Neither of them (parents) had good relationships with their siblings, and I think they want us to be able to work it out, and be friends later in life, but the dynamics-as of now-are ridiculous. I don't think they're aware of what she does, or don't want to acknowledge it.

She's just rude, and it affects everyone; we all become mad and distrustful and fed up. No one likes to uphold any responsibility. My dad is very lenient with her while my mom is more strict and the conflicting views give her(sister) a sense of power somehow.

My mom says that she(sister) reminds her of herself when she was younger, and I think she might hope the she'll(sis) grow out of this stage, but my hopes aren't high. We all need help, I'm just not sure how to get it.

[lilubanita67]

Well I'm 22 yrs old and my sister is 8 years younger than me and she does the same thing. I used to lose things in my room and whenever I went to my family to ask them if they saw they would deny seeing it. I would look throughout my entire house and then I would see the item that I lost in my sister's drawer, under her bed, or in her backpack. Many times she stole things from me to give to her friends as gifts or to show off at school.

The only thing that made me feel better was to go into her room and steal things of hers but then I got tired of doing that so I put everything in my room under lock and key. I have a huge suitcase of stuff that has 3 locks on it and I have weird closet doors which can be locked.

But all of my friends who have sisters say are going through the same thing.

[sophie500]

Hi. I have the same problem too. But I am younger, I am 14 and my sister is 19 and 20 in a couple of months,
She does the same thing with the stealing, she takes me and my family's things e.g.. My mums make up pefumes, shoes, jewlery,
She will take the newestt perfume from my mum and keep it, and deny seeing it from when my mother questions her if seen it.
She has tonight showed me now that I can completley not trust her, because I had bought new foundation and makeup, and I noticed that 2 months after getting my new makeup and after her asking to use it several times I had noticed it had gone from my school blazer, so I assumed it would have been a person at school that would have taken it during sports classes whilst my blazer was not on me,
I believed this because she had told me, and got that idea into my head, I also had checked her room many times in the past to check if it was there, it wasn't and she had hiden it away from my sight as she knew I would search for it in her room, I recently before I went on holiday a couple of weeks ago I was in her bathroom checking for it whilst she was out and found my new foundation, I knew it was mine because if a chip in the glass I recondinised, just as I saw this, I heard the car pull outside and the front door bang, and I ran out and she emidietly questions me why I was in her room, I made up the excuse that I was looking for the cat, she did not believe me and later asked my other sister who is very close to me abut this, and she had covered for me and said that she didn't know because she knew that she would rage at me if she knew that I knew,
Tonight, after she went out I searched her room and found my mascara and took it, I told my closer sister to me about this whilst she was round her friends house, and she did not know not to mention this to her, and repeated to my older sister who had taken my makeup, she then signed on I'm and confronted me about this, and I argued with her about it.
It was the fisrt time I had ever done this before (stood up for myself to her) she acted completley innocent and deney taking it and blamed it entirley on her friends, and accused me of stealing things in the past which I have NEVER done. I cried a lot tonight because my parents had told me about what she would be like but I didn't believe them, I know now that what they were saying is entirely true.
I don't know what to do about this atall, she steals things all the time and NEVER admits to it, she is awful.
She has also taken money in the past, and my borther who is 17 has not spoken to her in 3 years even though we live in the same house, they dispise each other and I think that it is unlikley that shewill ever apologize,( it was her entire doing of the argument between them)
I have not spoken to her in person yet as she is staying around her boyfriends house tonight, but I will apperently speak to her about it in the morning which I do not want to do,
She also claims that she will show my evidence from her friends that she claims are the makeup owners, which is a lie.
I kep on repeating to her that she shouldn't lie and that I would never trust her again, but she lied even more to cover up what she had done,
My mum and dad take back the things they find if theirs and do not confront her about it, she realises that they have taken the items back and does not talk to them about it,
My sister (who is my twin, the one who is closer to me) does not see how she really is, and is still in her eyes not as bad as my other sister seems,
I hope that she will, and once my whole family shows her that they do not trust her she will admit to these stealings, but I doubt it very much
I must admit that I probably not written this atall well, I have been crying about this matter for the last few hours, and whilst writing this,
Its just not fair to anyone in my family,
I trusted her this morning but now I can see what she is really like.
I don't know how to feel about her anymore.
Sophie age 14

[Gemini54]

MeestiMorre, from what you describe, your sister's behavior potentially goes beyond simple disobedience and teenage rebellion.

It sounds as if she has some sort of obsessive compulsive disorder that is possibly being fed by her desire to be rebelious and the drugs she is using. She is very young so these things will affect her more than an adult.

Perhaps you and your siblings can go to your parents as a group and tell them how distressed you all are and ask them to put some boundaries in place. You may need to have a family meeting and agree on some strategies to deal with her behavior. Clearly your parents need to agree on an approach to deal with her!

Could you parents speak to a school counselor or a family therapist? I would suggest that the 'head in the sand' approach is not working and is making all of your lives a misery.

Your sister needs to get some professional help from a psychologist and the family - your parents in particular must support her in doing this.

[olive213]

The thread is a bit old but I figured why not.

My sister does the same thing to me as well. Steals everything including clothes, art supplies, trinkets, personal belongings, toiletries, and has gone as far as to move my pet frogs into her room and take the extra key to my car to have on her key ring. My parents and I have set boundaries countless times, none of which seem to deter her. She steals again and again. Denies it. Then acts as if I do the same thing and accuses me of other wrongdoings when I confront her. She is younger than me by 2 yrs but double my size and uses this to her advantage. I used to lock my closet and have all my belongings under lock and key. Sadly this had to come to an end as she would unscrew the doorknobs from the door and jimmy the locks open and it was doing excessive wear and tear on the door. She takes stuff she would never wear and hangs it up in her closet. Several times I've had to take her friends aside and ask them to change out of my clothes because she lets them borrow them. She is rude with my whole family and refuses to come near my father, threatening to call Child Abuse Services if he so much as tries to give her a hug. Her behavior is detrimental to my emotional well-being and even though I have confronted my parents countless times about this happening, they seem fed up with the fact I'm bringing it up. Sometimes they punish her but the punishment doesn't seem to affect how she acts. I believe I will begin to keep a suitcase of things in my closet I do not wish her to touch but I hate that I have to protect my stuff. The same goes with food in my house, she ate an entire apple pie and refused to deny it for a week until the pie plate was found in her closet. Even then she claimed she had been framed by another sibling. Please help me in handling this, it is necessary for my psychological well-being. The only plus side is that I will be moving out in about 9 months and won't have to deal with this anymore.