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candy abi · Oct 1, 2008, 08:04 PM

My boyfriend and I have been together almost 4 years now... I love him dearly and he could be such a sweetheart, but almost 3 yrs ago he cheated on me with his ex girlfriend on two occasions. I agreed to stay with him because I really do love him and so does my family but I can't stop the feeling that it could happen again and I am very insecure I cry myself to sleep just thinking about my present situation. To make matters worst there are two chics in his life who I don't really want around he says that's his friends but I have seen text on his fone that mite suggest other wise. I really don't know how to deal with all this but I don't think leaving is an option, I have already planned my whole life with him being without him is so scary and alone, besides all of that I could never see myself wit someone else and be truly happy, anyone has any suggestions?? Please

Rockabilly1955mama · Oct 1, 2008, 08:51 PM

Well as hard as it is sometimes, you must move on. I don't know what his situation is, but from what you're stating here... I don't really think he's ready to settle down and you are. Have you talked to him about how you feel and how much you truly do love him?

talaniman · Oct 1, 2008, 09:33 PM

But I don't think leaving is an option,

If leaving is not an option then your locked into whatever he does.

First do something about yourself. I suspect you need some professional help with your insecurities, and self esteem, so you can at least see your world through clear eyes, and not the emotions you have. Then you can make a decision.

If you have evidence he is cheating again, sorry, staying is not an option, and you should leave, and get some help for yourself.

Being alone has to be better than being miserable, where your at.

chuff · Oct 1, 2008, 09:49 PM

Well if it's more important for you to feel secure because you have someone then it is to be respected by the guy your going out with, I'm not sure we can help you. There is not an answer to make someone come around from cheating, that's there decision. You know he's capable of it, and you allowed it, so it's not hard to believe he'd do it again.

Romefalls19 · Oct 2, 2008, 05:56 AM

At least if you leave you will only cry yourself to sleep for a little while, you stay with him you will cry yourself to sleep for the rest of the duration of the relationship. Sadly, he doesn't sound too committed to this relationship and keeps you around for other reasons besides love.

ZoeMarie · Oct 2, 2008, 06:04 AM

I would leave. Why would you want to wonder "what if he's cheating" for the duration of the relationship. He's done it before, he's capable of doing it again. Whether he does it's up to him, but don't stay with someone because you're scared to be alone. You'll find that you like being happy rather than in a relationship and miserable. You'll meet someone.

candy abi · Oct 2, 2008, 07:55 AM

I appreciate all the advice from you guys but leaving him is easier said than done... even if I leave and I find someone else ill be afraid that he will hurt even more so I rather stay and try my best to work things out I wish things could be normal again... isn't there anything I could do to start regaining his trust and making things better anything at all??

ZoeMarie · Oct 2, 2008, 07:58 AM

No one said leaving would be easy. It's a hard thing to do

candy abi · Oct 2, 2008, 08:01 AM

I think I need professional help but I don't even know where to start with that but I really am not ready to let him go he means too much to me (I never thought I would be this big of a sucker for love)

bigbird213 · Oct 2, 2008, 08:35 AM

As much as you don't want to admit it, you know that he cheated on you once, so he is capable of doing it again. There is no excuse for him to have "suggestive" messages on his phone if he has already been caught doing dishonest things...

I think you know you need to walk away and are just looking for the strength to do so... Just know that it can only get better if you start...

talaniman · Oct 2, 2008, 10:24 AM

candy abi;1302206, I appreciate all the advice from you guys but leaving him is easier said than done...
We all know what your saying and we know how hard it is to leave someone you have feelings for
Even if I leave and I find someone else ill be afraid that he will hurt even more
Your hurting now aren't you and he does nothing about it, no kind words to reassure you, nothing, and your worried about he feels??? Unbelievable!!!!!
So I rather stay and try my best to work things out I wish things could be normal again...
Until you are healthy, and can make better decisions for yourself, normal ain't gonna happens.
Isn't there anything I could do to start regaining his trust and making things better anything at all??
Regaining his trust??????????????????:eek::confused:
I think I need professional help but I don't even know where to start
I agree that can help and yo can get a referral thru your doctor, the local human resource center, or a pastor. I would say a friend whom you trust, but assume you have talked to someone about this at least.
With that but I really am not ready to let him go he means too much to me
The idea is to be healthy enough to love yourself, and protect yourself. Your way to dependent on him, and are miserable. Thats not good.
(I never thought I would be this big of a sucker for love)
Even the best of us fall into that trap, but why drown in your own shat?

JBeaucaire · Oct 2, 2008, 07:42 PM

"Every time I jump off the garage, I break my ankles. But I really like jumping off the garage, so I've decided to live with the broken ankles.

"My question is: How do I stop breaking my ankles? Oh, and remember, I have to jump off the garage, and I've decided I'd rather just do it and break my ankles because it's something I'm comfortable with and used to, so don't suggest I stop that.

"So, what do I do?"

===========

You know, we can all write cyclical stories like that, but you don't have to live it. You can't CHOOSE to live with something then cry about having to live with it, because you DON'T have to live with it. (I'm getting dizzy just saying things like that!)

So, live with your choice or don't. Stop looking for a fairy godmother to wave her wand and make the consequences of your choices go away... no such thing.

You know the right thing to do, you aren't going to do it. So, in the thing you've actually chosen... own it. You're with him, so be with him.

Communicate your fears as much as they're worth communicating, it is doubtful it will change anything, but you never know...

plonak · Oct 3, 2008, 10:08 AM

Leaving him would be hard... aparantly too hard for you.. you haven't reached rock bottom with the relationship yet so you will continue to stay with him and be abused by him...

You allow this man to walk all over you because you do not respect yourself

Life is hard.. that's just the fact, sometimes the right thing to do is extremely painful but it's benefitial to you in the long run.. you don't seem to understand that..

h0llister · Oct 3, 2008, 10:46 AM

Once you leave him.. you will realize how much more happy you are because you won't be worried everyday omg what is he doing ,where is he, who's he with. It will just be you and you will be happy and you will love yourself. Think of all the stress he puts on you.. and imagine it all gone.. that would what it would be like.