[andyhaus1057]

Hi,

I need to write a persuasive essay to the Senator on a smoking ban on all public places including parks, restaurants, bars, public buildings, schools, hospitals, and sports facilities. This includes the indoor facilities and 1000 feet from the buildings entrances.

It doesn't have to be that long, just 2 main paragraphs followed up by 2 small paragraphs (4 paragraphs total)

Here is what I have so far.. Can you help?

Mrs. Claire McCaskill
PO Box 300077
St. Louis, Missouri 63130

Dear Mrs. McCaskill:

I am writing you in reference to ban smoking in local parks, restaurants, bars, public buildings, school, hospitals, and sports facilities. In my opinion, I believe that smoking in public places should be prohibited. There are many reasons I feel this way. One is it makes your clothes smell even if you are not the one smoking. Another reason is that I personally can't breathe normally because of my asthma. Second hand smoke contains more than 250 chemicals known to be toxic or cancer causing. Second hand smoke is not easy to avoid because about one in four people smoke. Second hand smoke is extremely harmful to children. Children who do breathe in this smoke are more likely to suffer from pneumonia, bronchitis, and other lung diseases. They also suffer from more ear infections and are more likely to develop asthma. Senator McCaskill, did you know that 5 minutes if exposure to second hand smoke is equal to smoking one cigarette? 20 minutes of exposure can do as much damage as smoking a pack of day, and 30 minutes of exposure results in stiffened, clogged arteries. There are many states that are taking a stand and have adopted the Clean Indoor Act. Citizens in Alabama, Georgia and Louisiana are passing ordinances in some of their county's that restrict smoking in public places. And I believe that you should do the same for the state of Missouri.

[J_9]

Hi,

I need to write a persuasive essay to the Senator on a smoking ban on all public places including parks, restaurants, bars, public buildings, schools, hospitals, and sports facilities. This includes the indoor facilities and 1000 feet from the buildings entrances.

It doesn't have to be that long, just 2 main paragraphs followed up by 2 small paragraphs (4 paragraphs total)

Here is what I have so far.. Can you help?

Mrs. Claire McCaskill
PO Box 300077
St. Louis, Missouri 63130

Dear Mrs. McCaskill:

I am writing you in reference to ban smoking in local parks, restaurants, bars, public buildings, school, hospitals, and sports facilities. In my opinion, I believe that smoking in public places should be prohibited. There are many reasons why I feel this way. One is it makes your clothes smell even if you are not the one smoking. Another reason is that I personally can't breathe normally because of my asthma. Second hand smoke contains more than 250 chemicals known to be toxic or cancer causing. Second hand smoke is not easy to avoid because about one in four people smoke. Second hand smoke is extremely harmful to children. Children who do breathe in this smoke are more likely to suffer from pneumonia, bronchitis, and other lung diseases. They also suffer from more ear infections and are more likely to develop asthma. Senator McCaskill, did you know that 5 minutes if exposure to second hand smoke is equal to smoking one cigarette? 20 minutes of exposure can do as much damage as smoking a pack of day, and 30 minutes of exposure results in stiffened, clogged arteries. There are many states that are taking a stand and have adopted the Clean Indoor Act. Citizens in Alabama, Georgia and Louisiana are passing ordinances in some of their county's that restrict smoking in public places. And I believe that you should do the same for the state of Missouri.

Let's see... You use the words "second hand smoke" too often. This is an awfully long paragraph and can be split into two or three paragraphs easily. Never start a sentence with a number, you have "20 minutes..." starting a sentence.

While I see your argument, and you have some good ideas on the subject, it can be refined to make your assignment complete without adding any more. However, whenever writing my congressman/woman for school, I had to add data that supported my argument whether it be from the internet or scholarly articles. I don't see where you have that here.

[em_03]

Also... try to do an introduction.. that sounds more like a body paragraph. An introduction includes an attention-getter, a transition into the thesis and, a thesis. That will help organize the letter a lot more.