[loren j]

I recently broke up with my ex-boyfriend. He was/is and will always be a cheater. He lied continuously throughout our relationship, was always seeking thrills, hid things from me, had a very strong porn addition, has an addictive personality-alcohol, drugs. He has a history of cheating, cheated on ex wife several times...

Ok, OK, please don't tell me how stupid I was for being with him. I consider myself a very intelligent women and saw all the red flags but chose to ignore them, like most foolish women in love do when they are being showered with affection, told that he has never been sooo in love, etc. It makes me sick to know know that I actually believed one word from this man's mouth. He did genuinely love me, and for the first time in his life he did come close to reforming, tried... but just could not change who he was.

I was vulnerable, had filed for divorce because of my ex-husband's adultery. It was 7 months after the divorce, I was very lonely, he made me feel like a queen and I ignored all the red flags. UGHHHHH... I know, please don't tell me how stupid I was.

The concern is not with me though. The girl he is now dating (only one short week after we split up-that alone should say something), was the main focus of our arguments throughout the relationship. Long of the short... he was dating her about the same time we started dating. Ended up asking me to be committed to him. I agreed, and also ask that he be done with the other girl as this would be a conflict of interest and always be a temptation for him. He ask me if he could remain friends with her, because they were such good buddies- (after 6 dates... give me a break), and I said no, I'm sorry. So, supposedly he broke all contact with her, until I found out six months later that he had continued to talk to her (via phone record), and who knows what else. Busted him... he was remorseful (sure), cried, begged my forgiveness etc...

So, he still claims they are just friends, said they never even had sex etc... (I know better).
She will become his next victim. He is a liar, a charmer, and I could prove to her (via emails, etc... about how he lies) I could show her the one alone about him saying they have never had sex.

This is not about sour grapes or jealousy. I really feel for her as I know she is being charmed and lied to as well. I will admit also, that I would love to expose him, and let him know I know he has lied. He does not deserve to be with this girl (she probably had no idea about me). He will break her heart... HE IS INCAPABLE OF FIDELITY AND WILL CHEAT ON HER !

Should I confront her... and how should I confront her. I can prove his lies to her via written emails, text messages, etc... She might not like what she hears but how can she hate me when I prove to her that he has lied to her as well.

[Romefalls19]

Nope do not confront her, you will seem like a psycho ex and it will just do more harm than good. She will find out on her own much like you did

[jennysolano18]

Hey loren j,

Well first of all let me tell you that your not stupid for believeing what a man tells you. Because even if girls don't want to admitt it they have believed a guy at least once in there lives. Now it is good that you realized what kind of man he was before it was too late. Now to answer your question, I really don't think you should tell her anything because she "hates" you already and of course she is going to say that your just telling her that so she could leave him and then you can have him. Believe me that's what she will think, she won't believe you. Or you can tell her and it's up to her if she wants to believe you or not. She sooner or later will find out how he is and she will then regret not listening to you. So you should just let it go because I seriously don't think she will believe you. Good Luck in what you decide to do I am just giving you something to think about and it's up to you to decide what you think is best. Good Luck!

[plonak]

She needs to learn on her own just like you did..

Really sit down and ask yourself if this is really because you care that the girl is going to get hurt. I wouldn't think so..

We all learn our lessons by trial, it's her turn and she will make her own decisions.

And by the way your ex is a total douche.. kudos on wising up and dumping his sorry a$$..

Just stop all contact and move forward

[liz28]

You need to move on and focus on yourself. I pretty sure she see red flags too but if she doesn't oh well. Don't ever continue to be with someone because your lonely because as you saw you would have been better out without him in your life but we live and learn. Hopefully you won't allow yourself to be treated this way again. Stay away from the drama because that's what the outcome would be, drama.

[ylaira]

Just like you being blinded in the beginning, even if you tell her I don't think she will listen to you. You will only look desperate and yes sour graping.

You may try though but don't appear trying hard. I've seen mysterious and puzzling approach (in movies). Again, don't expect. She will most likely not listen.

[brokenhearted1515]

Wow... kinda going through the same thing... but I know he's already cheated on her... with me. Now I didn't know at the time he had a new girlfriend. Of course he failed to mention it. And it turns out my exes new girlfriend, is this new guy I am seeings ex. (yeah I know). I was questioned by her and the new guy. And I pleaded the fifth. Hes not my problem anymore, he's hers. And hopefully she will be able to come out as a stronger person like I did. We all must learn from our own mistakes. And I feared if I told she would dump him and he would either make my life a living hell, or want to come back. And I am not strong enough right now for that. So hopefully she doesn't dump him beofre then :S You know what's best for you. Don't worry about anyone else. Cause there not worrying about you!

[DonaldM_23]

Move on let it be, I'm sure the last girl he dated didn't warn you.

[helpnow]

Unless his new girlfriend is someone you personally know and care about than I don't know why you'd be so interested in letting her know. Sounds like you are having trouble moving on and just want to tell her as more of a revenge toward your ex... Am I right? It would be more mature to just let bigons be bigons and know you are a bigger person and can continue on with life.

[hannah_nicole]

This is a new relationship for both him and her regardless of how it started or if he is a liar. Put yourself in her situation. What would have you thought if this happened to you at the start of your relationship. Leave them be and be happy you are no longer dealing with this yourself. It is not your business to butt into their lives - you are the *ex* girlfriend. Leave it alone.

[JBeaucaire]

Proof offered directly to her by you or anything that can be attributed to you in any way will be ignored. Worse, it will patently disbelieved later when it is supported in her reality, she'll look for some way to make it YOUR fault.

You cannot warn her directly. The only proof she will listen to will be proof she discovers on her own. So, the ONLY help you can offer is to possibly provide some means for her to discover CURRENT information on her own.

I don't know how you can do that without being involved in a way that is traceable back to you. But if you can, then go for it.

Remember, nothing in his past is relevant. Not even things he's emailed to you about her. That's got your name on it and will be ignored. The only thing that will count is CURRENT new proof of infidelity that she can appear to discover on her own.

So, if you know he's cheating with someone new, perhaps you can arrange for her to accidentally be somewhere they will be together... I can't imagine much else being helpful.

[talaniman]

I think your healing should come first, not trying to save his next victim.

Get out of his life, and worry about how you deal with yourself. That what your focus should be.

[cg2jasmine]

I am much older than those of you who are responding here. The last man I was involved with was 57 years old. I knew he had been married 4 times (twice to the same person). When a man is cunning and charming, he can convince any woman that she is the best thing he has ever met. I tried to locate his prior women, but I could not find them. By looking through his papers, I learned that the last 2 wives have restraining orders against him. Three years later I now know that he has contacted and met women on internet sites the entire time he was with me. He owes me about $7500 which is only part of what I provided for him. This is a pattern and a lifestyle for this man. I definitely would have listened if I could have talked with one of his former wives or the woman he lived with for 5 years. I do not agree that an "ex" should just be quiet. We owe it to each other as human being to warn of danger.