[100Years2Live]

My friend Drew is mad at me. On Friday of last week there was a party he and I were invited to. I didn’t go knowing there would be alcohol. He did unfortunately. Well he got drunk and made out with his now ex-girlfriend’s now ex-best friend. She was at a party with me that we knew no alcohol would be there. She found out through her now ex-best friend. She broke up with Drew. I told Drew that I was on her side because I told him not to go. He told me I was being a bad friend and if I had been there none of this would have happened because I would’ve stopped him from drinking. I don’t know what to do because I’m both of there friends and I like them equally. Actually I’m more partial to Drew since he is a guy like me and we do more stuff together. But I support Rachel in this decision she has made. Am I wrong??

[J_9]

Drew cannot blame you for his actions. He must suffer the consequences of his actions alone. It is NOT your fault he did this, he still could have done it if you were there.

[fredg]

Hi,
Drew said that if you had been there to "stop him from drinking", this would not have happened? Drew has a problem with Alcohol!
I really believe that he would have done the same thing if you had been there.
I would personally find some new friends, who has no problem with drinking.
Can Drew ask himself the following question? "Can I go the rest of my life without alcohol?" A simple Yes or No is all that is required for an answer. If the answer is "No", or why should I answer a stupid question like that, then Drew has a problem.
He won't say "yes".
Meet some new people, and find yourself another best friend. Friends come and go, and we make our own happiness by choosing who we want to be friends with. Rachel made a very, very wise decision to break up with this guy... he will only cause more problems for himself and others around him.
Best of luck.

[talaniman]

I believe in letting a drunk hit his head against a wall and laying in his own s... t , No sympathy here at all. No apology either!

[kp2171]

Your fault?

What a cop-out.

What... if he goes to the bathroom and wets himself accidentily is he going to blame you for not helping him??

If he beds a girl and gets her pregnant is he going to be mad YOU weren't there to put a condom on him??

Give me a break.

This guy made a series of bad choices and he's trying to spread the guilt around.

You want to be friends with him. Fine. But don't let the guy put this on you.

Id ask him why its your fault. Hell likely say you wouldve been there to stop him from getting drunk. At which point you ask him if he has a drinking problem and needs treatment. He says no, he doesn't have a problem, he just stepped over the edge. OK... so then you are supposed to be there to keep him from stepping over all potential edges? You see the logic here? You are in a strong posisition and he has no logical ground to stand on. Just let him dig his own hole.

Look... I've gotten drunk before when I didn't mean to. It can happen. But you'd better believe id never blame anybody else for my actions.

This guy needs to learn the difference between being a man and a boy.

[valinors_sorrow]

This isn't a drinking problem... it's a failure to take responsibility for oneself problem (seems to be an epidemic of that sometimes).

I would be asking myself these three questions:

1. Am I in need of this particular friendship?

2. If so, why? I mean it clearly comes with some amount of questionable ethics... which doesn't match my ethics and really isn't a good thing.

3. How long before this friend did something equally as crappy to me?

Add those up and maybe you'll have a clearer answer?

Good luck!

[s_cianci]

So Drew expects you to babysit him? Did his legs suddenly become paralyzed when he discovered there was alcohol at this party? Did the host of this party lock the door, thereby forcing Drew to remain against his will? You well know that not by any stretch of the imagination are any of these things true. His indiscretions are "your fault" because you weren't there to stop him? Come on, now! With a "friend" like Drew, who needs enemies? You must be a young man of very strong character indeed to be able to see anything worthy of friendship with Drew. Do yourself a favor, though ; don't ever introduce Drew to any of your girlfriends. He's a guy who cannot be trusted and he cannot accept responsibility for his own actions. Bad news in my opinion and one to be avoided.

[Fr_Chuck]

Drew is being stupid, if he had not planned on drinking, he would not have went to the party, ifyou had went they would have pressured and pressured you to drink, ( hopefully you would not)

Next drinking is only an excuse for making out with this girl, he would have done it if he had not been drinking at some other party, he just wanted to make out with her. Next don't forget to also blame the girl that he made out with, it takes two to tango.

First if possible try not to take sides, but also go the higher moral ground if you have to. He was warned not to go, no one forced him to drink, he is not wanting to blame hisself, blaming you is merely making him loose another friend if he is not careful.

[Chery]

Drew is being stupid, if he had not planned on drinking, he would not have went to the party, ifyou had went they would have pressured and pressured you to drink, ( hopefully you would not)

Next drinking is only an excuse for making out with this girl, he would have done it if he had not been drinking at some other party, he just wanted to make out with her. next don't forget to also blame the girl that he made out with, it takes two to tango.

First if possible try not to take sides, but also go the higher moral ground if you have to. He was warned not to go, no one forced him to drink, he is not wanting to blame hisself, blaming you is merely making him loose another friend if he is not careful.

I have to agree here... Take it from a dry alcoholic who's not had a drink in 20 years - Drew will seek blame and make excuses every hour-on-the-hour until he takes the responsibility for himself.
Check out an enabler site, or find an AA group near you and get information for him. You do not have the responsibility to be his 'conscience' and should not put this chore upon yourself.

Hope he sees the errors of his lifestyle soon. Good luck to you.

[fredg]

Hi, 100years,
Your previous 2 answers are very, very good.
If your friend Drew continues to have drinks, blaming you for whatever happens, then if you want to keep him as a friend, I do suggest you check in your local area, see if there are any Ala-Non meetings available. They are free, last one hour, and you can hear others talk about alcohol, and related issues. Someone there will have experienced exactly what you are going through.
I do wish you the best.