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flower81 · May 18, 2006, 02:03 AM

On the whole my relationship with my boyfriend is good.
We are fairly honest with each other.

Last wkend we went clubbing together, with about another 5 people. We had a good evening and got very drunk. There's this 1 girl who has known me and boyfriend forever, very sweet girl just abit flirty at times but I guess who isn't when you have a few drinks.

Anyway, she left the club about 3am and my boyfriend started talking about her, because she was engaged to another of our friend for 10 yrs, they were soon going to get married but she left him for the reasons - wanting independence and basically fell out of love for him. Well to give you an idea of what on :-
My boyfriend started talking about how highly he used to look up her years ago and that he felt a thing between them.
I was like What the heck... he then added that since she left her fiancé he believes that she cheated and he doesn't look at her d same way!
Im totally confused...
What was this conversation all about..
It even made me feel abit of anger towards him and her.
She likes to flirt wi my boyfriend i.e keeps slappin his bum... althou when she does that he looks at me with a kind of funny look.

UFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF :(

fredg · May 18, 2006, 05:53 AM

Hi, flower,
There is something here you must realize. When people get drunk, really drunk, they are sometimes not in control of themselves, and do things they would not otherwise do! Getting drunk means someone is wanting to "release" themselves, maybe not being able to "have a good time" unless they have had a few drinks.
I don't drink anymore, and find that I am very, very able to be myself, and I don't need alcohol anymore to have a good time!
Would this have happened if you had not been drunk? That's the question to ask yourself. Also, if you value your relationship, is there anywhere else you can go and have a good time? Instead of getting drunk?
If someone keeps flirting with your boyfriend, why in the world are you doing things with her? Stay away from her.
I do wish you the best.

Krs · May 18, 2006, 06:36 AM

There is nothing really wrong with getting drunk with your partner - all in moderation thou.

God all these issues with female friends, I don't get it myself am in the same boat as you really and I can't decided on what to do!

fredg · May 18, 2006, 06:56 AM

Hi,
I do agree with the previous answer of "there's nothing wrong in getting drunk with your partner".
However, if your partner cannot control themselves after they are drunk, then be prepared for whatever happens. If they cannot control themselves, then it will lead to finding new friends eventually... seen too much of it over the last many years.

phillysteakandcheese · May 18, 2006, 07:43 AM

I think you boyfriend was drunk was telling you his thoughts about your friend - and he obviously doesn't think much of her anymore...

I would write it off as nothing more than gossip... induced by alcohol.

HarryPT · May 18, 2006, 02:56 PM

I agree with everyone I don't think you should worry

s_cianci · May 18, 2006, 05:44 PM

First of all, tell your girlfriend that if she slaps your boyfriend's bum one more time you're going to break her arm. Not that I expect you to literally carry it out but as a matter of metaphor she should get the hint. Next tell your boyfriend that such conversation makes you very uncomfortable and you don't want to hear it any more. If he doesn't respect you enough to comply then that could be a red flag that it's time to forget this one and move on.

s_cianci · May 18, 2006, 05:46 PM

Originally Posted by Krs

There is nothing really wrong with getting drunk with your partner - all in moderation thou.

God all these issues with female friends, i dont get it myself am in the same boat as u really and i can't decided on what to do!

Since when does "getting drunk" constitute "moderation?" Isn't that an oxymoron?

Krs · May 18, 2006, 11:51 PM

Originally Posted by s_cianci

Since when does "getting drunk" constitute "moderation?" Isn't that an oxymoron?

Well of course you can drink in moderation, what's so difficult to understand about.
Instead of drinking 10 vodka's for example you have 5 only where you just get typsy instead of totally off it!

Chery · May 19, 2006, 09:13 AM

Originally Posted by flower81

On the whole my relationship with my boyfriend is good.
we are fairly honest with each other.

Last wkend we went clubbing together, with about another 5 people. We had a good evening and got very drunk. There's this 1 girl who has known me and bf forever, very sweet girl just abit flirty at times but i guess who isnt when you have a few drinks.

Anyways, she left the club about 3am and my bf started talking about her, coz she was engaged to another of our friend for 10 yrs, they were soon goin to get married but she left him for the reasons - wanting independance and basically fell out of love for him. Well to give u an idea of what on :-
my bf started talking about how highly he used to look up her years ago and that he felt a thing between them.
I was like WTF.... he then added that since she left her fiance he believes that she cheated and he doesnt look at her d same way!!
Im totally confused...
what was this conversation all about..
It even made me feel abit of anger towards him and her.
She likes to flirt wi my bf i.e keeps slappin his bum ... althou when she does that he looks at me with a kind of funny look.

UFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF :(

Dear flower, I hope you are secure enough in your relationship to not let that 'green monster' called jealousy out. If you, after a few drinks or sober, find other reasons to get upset at other women about, then you really have to do an attitude check.

You might still be a little insecure about the whole thing, and might even think that he could be looking for something that you are not willing or able to provide in this relationship. If this is the case, then please talk to your boyfriend about your fears. When a couple get together, they also inherit each other's friends most of the time. If you have any doubts at all about these friends, then you should be able to talk about this issue without starting an argument. And of course, we all bring our past into a relationship, but it should stay exactly what it is - the past.

You need to focus on the future with him and what you both want from this - be it long lasting or just short-term as only time, compassion, understanding, trust and patience will tell. So, in order to help it grow along well, communicate with each other in trust and confidence.

Good luck to you dear, and please keep us posted.

If you are insecure with yourself, the relationship will suffer. So, look at your positive aspects and look at what he has seen in you in the first place. If you forgot why he's with you, ask him. You have qualities he obviously loves, or he'd be with another.

valinors_sorrow · May 19, 2006, 09:26 AM

I too have driven myself mad in the past and eventually had to make a deal with myself.

When I don't understand something someone does, drunk or sober, I usually end up simply asking them about it. Most of the time, I don't hear what I fear I am going to hear and, without exception, every time I am glad I asked.

I hope this helps.

Chery · May 19, 2006, 09:39 AM

Originally Posted by valinors_sorrow

I too have driven myself mad in the past and eventually had to make a deal with myself.

When I don't understand something someone does, drunk or sober, I usually end up simply asking them about it. Most of the time, I don't hear what I fear I am going to hear and, without exception, every time I am glad I asked.

I hope this helps.

Short, simple, and very well put. Most problems created in the mind can be solved by communication. Doubt never gets solved by ignoring it.

flower81 · May 22, 2006, 07:17 AM

Hello all,
All is OK, I spoke to my boyfriend and he basically admitted he was drunk but spoke to me like he would speak to a mate i.e abit like gossip!!
And that I have nothing to worry about...
And he also said he doesn't think much of her.. so what's the problem!
I think that's good..?

flower81 · May 22, 2006, 07:18 AM

Originally Posted by s_cianci

First of all, tell your girlfriend that if she slaps your boyfriend's bum one more time you're going to break her arm. Not that I expect you to literally carry it out but as a matter of metaphor she should get the hint. Next tell your boyfriend that such conversation makes you very uncomfortable and you don't want to hear it any more. If he doesn't respect you enough to comply then that could be a red flag that it's time to forget this one and move on.

She wasn't very apologetic.. really!
She said oh didn't realise it bothered you... in a tone like... why would it... its just a slap...

DJ 'H' · May 22, 2006, 08:02 AM

Originally Posted by flower81

On the whole my relationship with my boyfriend is good.
we are fairly honest with each other.

Last wkend we went clubbing together, with about another 5 people. We had a good evening and got very drunk. There's this 1 girl who has known me and bf forever, very sweet girl just abit flirty at times but i guess who isnt when you have a few drinks.

Anyways, she left the club about 3am and my bf started talking about her, coz she was engaged to another of our friend for 10 yrs, they were soon goin to get married but she left him for the reasons - wanting independance and basically fell out of love for him. Well to give u an idea of what on :-
my bf started talking about how highly he used to look up her years ago and that he felt a thing between them.
I was like WTF.... he then added that since she left her fiance he believes that she cheated and he doesnt look at her d same way!!
Im totally confused...
what was this conversation all about..
It even made me feel abit of anger towards him and her.
She likes to flirt wi my bf i.e keeps slappin his bum ... althou when she does that he looks at me with a kind of funny look.

UFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF :(

I don't think your boyfriend meant anything by what he said. I just don't think he chose his words every well.

I think what he meant to say was that he used to respect and regard your firend very highly and he felt a close friendship between them. But since she has split with her fiancée and he thinks she cheated - he does not think of her that way anymore.

He probably looks at you funny when your friends slaps his bum, because he feels she should not be doing that least of all in front of you - but perhaps is too polite to say anything to her himself so is waiting for you to say something.

I don't think there is any deceit here - just a misunderstanding.

Your friend is just obviously having a rough patch. Soetime speople flirt and they don't even realise their doing it. If you had a quiet chat with her (you know just drop it into converssation and don't make a big deal) you would probably find she was very regretful and sorry for it and did not even realise she had caused a problem!

Don't take things to heart and seriously don't read anything into it! I think your boyfriend is inncoent and so is your friend.

Chery · May 22, 2006, 01:53 PM

CAREFUL HERE!

she wasn't very apologetic.. really!
She said oh didn't realise it bothered you... in a tone like... why would it... its just a slap...

hello all,
All is OK, I spoke to my boyfriend and he basically admitted he was drunk but spoke to me like he would speak to a mate i.e abit like gossip!!
And that I have nothing to worry about...
And he also said he doesn't think much of her.. so what's the problem!
I think that's good..?

Flower, the above should not be on your mind any longer...

Sorry flower, but you should not dwell on her 'slap' - As a matter of fact, if it bothers you that much, just slap him where she did and that way he'll remember who slapped him last.

Gosh... You need to be more secure in your relationship and not have the opinion that every woman who looks at him or talks to him is a threat. He's with you! If you constantly make him explain or justify his actions in public - you're showing him you don't trust him and that you have the feeling you own him. Don't do that to yourself.

Instead of hashing over what happened a few days ago, you should be thinking of what you'd like to do together today or a few days from now - that's more fun and less stressful. Think future, not past - is always the best bet. Plan something romantic together, or even surprise him with candles, popcorn and a nice movie at home - no gossip, no thinking of anyone else but each other. This is something you should be thinking about and not what others might do to upset you again.

Remember the title of your first post here - "im driving myself mad"... Think real hard, and stop doing this to yourself!

valinors_sorrow · May 22, 2006, 02:26 PM

Originally Posted by flower81

hello all,
All is ok, i spoke to my bf and he basically admitted he was drunk but spoke to me like he would speak to a mate i.e abit like gossip!!!
and that i have nothin to worry about...
and he also said he doesnt think much of her.. so whats the problem!!
I think thats good.. ???

Okay, you asked him about it, he told you, believe it until proved otherwise and get on with it just like Chery says.

Simple. Just like that. Enjoy each other!

(Oh you might thank all these kind people, especially the ones who posted a lot since they put so much time and effort into you.) :)

flower81 · May 23, 2006, 02:47 AM

Originally Posted by valinors_sorrow

Okay, you asked him about it, he told you, believe it until proved otherwise and get on with it just like Chery says.

Simple. Just like that. Enjoy each other!

(Oh you might thank all these kind people, especially the ones who posted a lot since they put so much time and effort into you.) :)

You don't need to tell me to say THANK YOU
Was going to in the first place :)