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LoveTorn · Sep 19, 2008, 01:02 PM

Ok i don’t usually use internet for advice but im desperate and i need some real opinions and views on my problem. I really need your help….

Ok.. I’m a bisexual and I’ve been together with my gf for almost a year. And I chased her for about 6 months. I am her first love as well. Recently I cheated on her about I going out with one of my guy classmate. I do have some feel with him but without a doubt im just flirting around. I think it was just admiring. And I’ve been together with that guy for 2 weeks. I do admit I’ve did something what’s normally a couple do. After that my gf found out about us. She deeply felt pain. She keep asking me why why why and why I do this to her. I’ve been apologize in bottom all parts of my heart and cried for 3 days to beg for her forgiveness. I just wish I could get 1 last chance by her. And I’ll never ever cheat on her again and I’ll never ever do it again because I love her so much. After I’ve lost her my brain was all blank and I am so lost. At this moment of my life without her, I truly know the feeling of regret. I really don't meant to be like this. I've tried to tell that guy we shouldn't be like this. But before we could do something my gf already found out. And I really wish I could be with her again....:(

That day she even came to my house and passed me back the stuff and cards I made for her. I was extremely hurt and I don’t understand why she wanted to give me back my stuff and don’t give me a last chance? I know I am so so so wrong and I only want a forgiveness from her. Can you tell me what should I do? Because she’s a very very tough girl and she wouldn’t listen my explanation even I am telling the truth. She wouldn’t wanna see me either. She even beg me to let her go. But I knew she still loves me very much because she still so care about me. Only she doesn’t want to admit.

Is’t loving someone does not need to be with her, as long as she’s happy and I’ll be happy too? Can you please help me because am gonna be insane soon.

Smoked · Sep 19, 2008, 01:11 PM

You need to give her time, you need to give her space, you need to give her anything she wants until she decides if this is something she can get past.

angelaM1985 · Sep 19, 2008, 01:55 PM

Well first off if you really love her and care about her you should not have been in that situation right!! Give her time if she wants to get back together you will but TRUST is a very important role in a relationship and if there's no trust there's no relationship anyway if she chooses to go the other way think about this (u live and learn from your mistake)now you know not to do it again and eventually your pain will heal... hope this helps

LoveTorn · Sep 19, 2008, 02:16 PM

My life gone into a miserable. I couldn't sleep, eat well.. I don't have mood in anything. My life really messed up now. I just wish for her forgiveness.. :(

Originally Posted by angelaM1985

well first off if u really love her and care about her u should not have been in that situation right!!! give her time if she wants to get back together u will but TRUST is a very important role in a relationship and if theres no trust theres no relationship anyways if she chooses to go the other way think about this (u live and learn from ur mistake)now u know not to do it again and eventually ur pain will heal....hope this helps

liz28 · Sep 19, 2008, 04:28 PM

Well now you and feel the effects of cheating. There's will always be people that you admire or might become attractive to but it's up to you to control yourself and not fall into tempation. You stated you is bisexual, does that means you date girls and guys and if so did you explain this to your ex?

She needs time to heal because having your partner cheat on you makes you feel very betray and angry because if someone loves you, they couldn't hurt you. Know that you might not ever get her back becuause I wouldn't take someone back that cheated on me. You need to try to get past this girl because the bed is already made. She might come back or not and that's something you have to live with becuause you did the wrong. Pull yourself together
And in time you'll get better.

Also, giving you back your stuff, including the things you gave her, was her letting you go. She didn't kept the things you gave her because she didn't want anything that reminded her of you.

jjwoodhull · Sep 19, 2008, 04:33 PM

You created this situation by cheating. She is hurt, heartbroken, confused, etc. She will need time to heal. If you truly care about her you will give her the space she needs to do that. Maybe she'll come back to you, maybe she won't.

theshores · Sep 19, 2008, 05:44 PM

It seems that you may need to be honest with her and anyone else you choose to date about your sexual preferences. If you are unsure, then you should give yourself some time. Did she know that you were bi? I myself have been cheated on and she will need some time to get her thoughts clear as do you... what you are experiencing is a normal symptom of cheating and heart break. It can take months or years to get over. If you really love her, you will step back and let her make the decision that's best for her. You will also love her and yourself enough to decide if you really want to be with her, have an "open" relationship, or choose.

Good luck Love Torn

Ash123 · Sep 19, 2008, 07:43 PM

Man, I have to be honest. I would NOT expect forgiveness on this any time soon. What I might hope for is a fair and civil parting. I say this because it is only a short term fix if you get back: She would never forget. And you need to sort out how you are going to have a relationship in the future... one sex at a time I'd say has the best chance.

Let her go. But do let her know how horrible you feel and how you will always be there as a friend and loyal ex-lover when she ever needs-so you don't regret not saying what you want to say and sharing what you feel later.

LoveTorn · Sep 20, 2008, 04:50 AM

Well.. Thanks for everyone of your advices….. To let someone that who love me to leave me is not a hard thing. But to let someone I loves deeply leave me is the hardest thing ever.

- If she had forgiven me. Do you think our relationship will be better in the future?
- If she doesn't wanna forgive me. Do you think I still got chance to be with her in the future?

I keep blaming myself for what did I done. But I know blaming is useless now.. I just finding solution to solve this problem. After I've read your guy's advices. I felt like letting her go. But every time I text her, I just couldn't write the word “I Let GO”….
Its just so hard to type….. Argggg………T.T……….. I realized how important is her after she leaves me.... I sound so annoying... ARGGGGGG....!!!!!!!

liz28 · Sep 20, 2008, 05:06 AM

Even if you two get back together the relationship won't be better and it will take a lot of hard work, on your part, to build back up the trust. You would have to work overtimt for her to trust you again and it will take time.

Secondly, no one can guarantee you'll get back with him in the future, it might happen or not. This is why you cherish the person you love while your with them and never cheat on them.

You need to stop texting her, that's not giving her space. If it was me, it be ignoring to me. Give her time and see what happen but again it doesn't mean she's coming back. Stop texting, calling, leaving voicemails, emails,etc. This does more harm then good. Also, realize you may never get her back.

LoveTorn · Sep 20, 2008, 08:16 AM

Sometimes I just can't control myself. I just want to let her know how big of mistakes I've made. How foolish I am. How she were the best thing that ever happened to me. I might have done many silly thing but I just couldn't help doing stupid things just to win back her attention.

I was keep checking on my phone every few minutes. I basically become blind to the reality that this relationship is nearing an end. I really don't know why I still can expect a relationship to stay exactly the same as it was in the beginning. Maybe I just not really used to it, I am really longing to have her back into my arms. I want to see her, I wish to go out with her again.. I really miss her.

Even I wrote this phrase my tears keep pouring out. Sleep I cried, shower I cried, eat I cried, I just couldn't control my tears. Once my heart ache the tears automatically fell out…..I understand how dirty am I and how cheap am I. I just felt like I am a sluts or even worst.. This feeling was so horrible, So miserable, so depressed, so unhappy and …………….. I've regretted doing those thing to her and being the first girl to have done this to her and it hurts me a lot. I am really confused about everything. I am so lost now. WHY WHY WHY I AM A LOSER THAT SCREWED UP A RELATIONSHIP WITH “THE BEST PERSON IN THE WORLD”?

I just feel like telling everything out because I don't know who to talk to? Because when I trying to tell my friend my problem. She's tell me her own problem that's make me feel more hurt because the situation are nearly the same as mine.

jjwoodhull · Sep 20, 2008, 08:34 AM

A big part of life is learning to live with the consequences of our choices.

fjsmith81 · Sep 20, 2008, 08:53 AM

Lovetorn, the first thing I want to ask is did she know that you are bisexual?? If she didn't then I'm going to be honest there is a great chance that she is not coming back. When you cheated on her with a man you kind of changed the rules of the game. Next time I would suggest being upfront and honest about your sexuality. I have seen when someone is bisexual in a relationship they are sometimes given the option to have an open relationship, where they are able to fulfill their physical desires with others, but maintain that emotional relationship with their partner.
My overall advice to you in the future is DON'T CHEAT!! You see how it turned out when you did it. Was that fling really worth all of this heartache that you have caused for yourself and her?? Judging from your post I think the answer would be a no.

talaniman · Sep 20, 2008, 11:49 AM

LoveTorn;1283580, Well.. Thanks for everyone of your advices….. To let someone that who love me to leave me is not a hard thing. But to let someone I loves deeply leave me is the hardest thing ever.
She isn't leaving because you let her. She is leaving because you hurt her by cheating.
- If she had forgiven me. Do you think our relationship will be better in the future?
I doubt it as you have broken the trust and faith in the relationship and hurt your partner deeply.
- If she doesn't wanna forgive me. Do you think I still got chance to be with her in the future?
From her reaction, I doubt that too!

I keep blaming myself for what did I done. But I know blaming is useless now.. I just finding solution to solve this problem.
You should blame yourself, since you did do wrong by cheating.

After I've read your guy's advices. I felt like letting her go. But every time I text her, I just couldn't write the word “I Let GO”….
Its just so hard to type….. Argggg………T.T……….. I realized how important is her after she leaves me.... I sound so annoying... ARGGGGGG....!!!!!!!
Honestly like most cheaters, your selfish, and only care how hurt you are and what you've lost. You have not once acknowledged, or tried to feel what your ex may have felt, by being betrayed by someone they loved. Tsk, Tsk!!

Bi or straight, cheating is wrong, and you should have thought of the consequences of your actions BEFORE, you did it, because as you see, AFTER is to late.

LoveTorn · Sep 21, 2008, 01:17 AM

Yes!!! I might be a very selfish person… She came to my house just now to passed me back something which she forgotten to pass me that day…. She asked me take good care of myself, live a good life and love myself… Then I open the door for her to go… My heart feel so sore when I saw she walked out from my house. I felt like I am the one who want her to walked out my house. At this moment my heart really so pain… hardly describe how pain is it.. Really so so so pain…. And I know that would never changed no matter what I do... I don't wish to see her melt away. I don't know if I still could be the same. I don't know if I still can see her warmest smile, listen to her laughter, look into her eyes ever again….??

talaniman · Sep 21, 2008, 05:57 AM

But did you learn a darn thing?? Can you imagine how she must feel at this point in her life??

Ash123 · Sep 21, 2008, 06:46 AM

You need to go to a therapist and get a lot of things on the table. Or your life is going to never make sense to you... good luck.

LoveTorn · Sep 21, 2008, 10:27 AM

Yes... She did told me that she's really suffer when she passed me back the stuff.. And I keep begging for her forgiveness... That's it.. She asked me take good care of myself ask me to love myself more.. Do not torture myself.. I really don't know how...

Originally Posted by talaniman

But did you learn a darn thing??? Can you imagine how she must feel at this point in her life????

LoveTorn · Sep 21, 2008, 10:29 AM

She even said we still can be friend.. I still can call her out and stuff.. I am so so so hurt because I felt so guity.. She still put her heart on me and so care about me eventhough she doesn't wanna be with me.. Now I drinking.. and very very pain....

wikedjuggalo · Sep 21, 2008, 10:31 AM

Originally Posted by LoveTorn

She even said we still can be friend.. I still can call her out and stuff.. I am so so so hurt because I felt so guity.. She still put her heart on me and so care about me eventhough she doesn't wanna be with me.. Now I drinking.. and very very pain....

Drinking will only make it worse man do not start down that path.