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byron boyd · May 15, 2006, 11:14 PM

I have a huge problem with my girl first of all we are in a relationship and we not staying together and when we do argue over the phone I would not here from her for a day or sometimes about two days. The first time this happen I ask her why did'nt she call me and where do she be when I'm calling her all day. She says she be over her sister house and that they don't have a phone. She uses what I think is an excuse that she does not call me because I be chewing her out and that she'll call me in the middle of the day to talk to me and if I'm still chewing her out and if I was she would go out and find something to do and let me chill. The place she claims she goes is her sister house. I said how can I get in touch with you if you don't won't to callme because you think I'm going to chew you out. People I have a real problem with this and I don't know what she is doing rather if she's with another guy when she mad at me, far as I know she could be doing the exact opposite of what she's telling me. So on mothers day she came over of course I was mad because I haven't talk to her. She did not even have on the engagement ring she had it on her chain as a charm or something. Someone tell me what's up with that? She said her finger was swoll. Oh yeah by the way this isn't the second time of this incident . So I ask her why have she been avoiding my phone calls she says I have'nt she has been gone. She says anything else.I told her we have a problem and I said I'll be missing you ,wondering how you doing and if you OK and thinking about you and I can't get in touch with you. She says byron I told you when you start triping and chewing me out over the phone that I was going to let you trip and I was going to find something else to do and that I am the one that is the cause of this and something she said about being a puppet and I making her do it. Some crap! I know people it got to be hard to believe that she is 41, that's right 41!( I admit people maybe I have chewed her out a little bit over the phone. Iwas mad that she didn't call me for about two days so on mothers day I said you know what you do what you do and I'm going to do what I do cause I'm not going to be sitting her trying to get in touch with you missing you, not knowing where you are, and if you OK. She puts the piece signs up and she started getting ready to leave I was like you leaving she said yep she had a smile on her face and act like she was having fun, like she just blew it off and that she didn't care. Then she ask for her daughter phone and went to the bathroom. So it was over , I don't know if she was hiding behind a fake smile because so many people was here and didn't won't everybody to see something wrong with her, or maybe she wanted us to be over, and she had somebody else. I just can't see her just happy after a break up. Could she just be playing a game, should I call her? Could it be that she is waiting to see if I'm going to call her and say baby I'm sorry. I was right dumping this chick right? Should I call her. I mean she excepted my engagement ring she says that she wants to be my first for everything she loves me and that she don't won't to see me loving anybody like I love her I know women can lie but damn? Help me people.

toohz · May 15, 2006, 11:41 PM

I think that if a woman treats you that way so early into a relationship it is not worth it. You need to feel comfortable with the person you are meant to be spending the rest of your life with and you don't seem comfortable with her at all. I am assuming she has just come out of a relationship and values her independence too much and doesn't want to give it up. My advice is to leave her. If she wants you, she'll call u. if she doesn't, you know it's over. There is no point in holding up your life over someone who doesn't respect you.

Stormy69 · May 15, 2006, 11:51 PM

wow that was really hard to follow.. but.. a ring on a chain means she ain't no longer " in the game" I say cut your losses, sounds like the two of you have serious issues to deal with, either get some counseling or end it.

ETA.. " Not in the game"= not interested in being engaged or doesn't want anyone to KNOW she is engaged.. A woman serious about getting married will pay to have her ring resized before wearing it on a chain around her neck

educatedhorse_2005 · May 16, 2006, 01:01 AM

Kick her to the curb and don't look back obviously you two aren't meant to be together.
When the right one comes along you will be 100% sure.
Relationships are a give and take. You don't run away when you have a problem you stay and work it out.

Krs · May 16, 2006, 01:07 AM

GOD if you chew her out over a few missed calls then what the hell are you still doing in this relationship.. you need to chill, I personally think.

And you don't trust her. Whether she is cheatin on you or not that I don't know, but why be an a relationship with someone you don't fully trust.

She is 41, so she isn't a kid... how old are you?

Krs · May 16, 2006, 01:09 AM

And also :- men may not be faithful too

fredg · May 16, 2006, 04:29 AM

Hi, byron,
Does your relationship with her have these things? All of them?
Compromise, trust, caring, and wanting the other to be happy.
Doing things you might not want to do, just to have the other be happy.

After 29 yrs of marriage now, having been Divorced after my 1st 7 yrs of a marriage, I have found the above to be true in a good, loving relationship.
After reading about "when we have a argument, and not hearing from here for a few days", one important part is missing... someone doesn't care about the happiness of the other. Arguing is normal, but not to the point where you "break up" for a few days!
My wife and I argue sometimes, not often, but when we do, I don't move out, stay in a motel for a few days. We solve it, within a few hours!
Take a good look at this relationship, and try seeing which one does not compromise. This will not last; unless someone changes!
Best of luck.

talaniman · May 16, 2006, 12:41 PM

Sorry Byron but this isn't a relationship. You sir, have issues you need to work on and just from reading your post I'd give your ring back and say adios! Most 41 year olds would not take the abuse your putting down so why don't YOU get help for yourself, and having read your other posts I don't know why your so hard to understand in this one so just check yourself and stop laying blame on someone else for your shortcomings.:cool: :eek:

talaniman · May 17, 2006, 08:25 AM

First my friend you sound as if you have a temper and can be controlling.Second you have trust issues that frankly will stand in the way of ANY relationship you get into,as you are a more mature person you show very little maturity when it comes to relationships in general and while I understand being stuck in your ways you need to get your ring back and work on yourself in my opinion. Maybe some counseling sessions or some quality time on your own will give you a clearer look at yourself and your overbearing behavior. :cool:

Wildcat21 · May 17, 2006, 01:17 PM

Yeah Dude - I think the problem is YOU. She's acting weird because of you.

You have a lot of issues you need to let go. Let them go!

WHY on earth are you getting mad at her so soon?

Women want a confident guy. Not some jealous, insecure jerk - seriously. That's how you come across.

I really think it's you and not her. Lots of issues here. Looks like you maybe looking for fights.

talaniman · May 17, 2006, 04:58 PM

She's probably holding on to your ring hoping you will change! She may even have put it on a chain to get a rise out of you(She did,didn't she). You ever think she's testing you to see if you're the one? Give yourself a chance to be happy by getting help for yourself!! :cool: :eek:

Krs · May 18, 2006, 02:31 AM

YOu need to work on your trust and confident issues.
And also you don't need to get mad over petty things like a phone call. Jesus otherwise your whole relationship is based on arguments.

Wildcat21 · May 18, 2006, 08:14 AM

Most of times when you think it's the other person, it's usually always YOU!

Krs · May 19, 2006, 12:23 AM

Just send her a text message...

Chery · May 19, 2006, 08:55 AM

She puts the piece signs up and she started getting ready to leave I was like you leaving she said yep she had a smile on her face and act like she was having fun, like she just blew it off and that she didn't care. Then she ask for her daughter phone and went to the bathroom.

Byron, you are a control freak, and don't give the 'space' she deserves. You get mad at her, and let her feel it in person and on the phone. She, in turn, when upset and out of her wits' end - goes to the bathroom or looks for a 'space' elsewhere - and it's for sure not another man with whom to have more stress with. In my opinion, you acted like a child, so she treated you like one. She still feels something for you, or she would not have the patience that you provoke. Try and keep your urge to control or be jealous at bay and grow up a bit.

I'm 55, and if I were in her shoes, you'd be history. I don't have time or patience for 'temper tantrums' or any other games, no matter how great a man is in bed. The way I see it, you either want to be with me and be cool, or go out and yell at a young chick that will put up with it. She probably feels the same way.

Good luck in growing up, and get a better attitude towards women in general or you'll have the same problem in your next relationships.

Have confidence in a relationship and trust each other, or it will be a bumpy ride.

J_9 · May 19, 2006, 09:08 AM

Personally, Byron Boyd, I think you are one sick individual! I have read all of your posts and all but one are about getting an ex back. I think it is time you take a step back and look at yourself in the mirror

One must wonder when relationships fail that they may be the one at fault. If my man ever treated to me the way you treat to her I would have hauled back and busted you in the chops (figuratively speaking).

Maybe you need to spend some time in an anger management course, if the court does not eventually assign one to you.