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    echeetah28's Avatar
    echeetah28 Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #1

    Sep 16, 2008, 08:12 PM
    Why has he never had sex with me?
    Hello,
    I've been dating this guy for 9 months and we've never had sex. I told him before we started dating that I have herpes. I thought he would run for the border, but to my surprise he continued to date me.
    I let him know everything there is to know about the disease and told him to educate himself on the issue. It took him months just to touch me and he would never let me touch him... If I tried he would restrain my hands and tell me that he just wanted to touch me. I've been fully naked in front of him and he will touch me till I have a orgasm, but won't take his pants off or let me see his penis. At first I understood that maybe its going to take him awhile to warm up to sex, but this is ridiculous.
    I'm starting to wonder if there's something wrong with him and he doesn't know how to tell me. About 2 months ago he told me about a female "friend" from his job that died of AIDS. We talk about everything and he never brought the friend up until she was in her last days. When she died he went into a serious state of depression. (He was more depressed over her than when his grandmother passed a few months prior). I asked him if he ever had a sexual relationship with this friend and he replied no.
    I told him we can practice safe sex and use condoms and he would be okay... even went as far as telling him I would offer to have my gyno talk to him and release my records to his doctor and he could do the same, so that we both would feel comfortable with each other... he said that's not necessary, I believe what you tell me. (I know that if I was in his situation I would jump on that offer, just to ease my mind).
    I'm in love with this man, and I'm in need of some sexual attention. I've always practiced safe sex since I've been diagnosed and have never hurt anyone.

    Do you think he has something greater than what I have going on with me, or do you think my thoughts are exaggerated? Please help because I'm sooooo confused!!
    ylaira's Avatar
    ylaira Posts: 1,193, Reputation: 118
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    #2

    Sep 16, 2008, 08:32 PM
    There's story behind that. Let me try to make one.

    I GUESS that that "friend" who died of AIDS is someone he loved. It's more than a friend. When he met you, he liked you even if you had herpes then because this first one had AIDS. Then it died and still grieving at this point. Will anyone will be in a mood for sex after death of someone close to you? Having sex with you make him feel he 's betraying.
    Russell81's Avatar
    Russell81 Posts: 2, Reputation: 2
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    #3

    Sep 16, 2008, 08:33 PM
    I think he is really scared evan though there are safe ways around it.
    azdesertchick's Avatar
    azdesertchick Posts: 92, Reputation: 17
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    #4

    Sep 17, 2008, 01:33 AM
    Hey girl I was reading over this and honestly I already have respect for you by being so open and honest with him when many people aren't about these things. I'm with you I'm a little suspicious as to why he can fool around with you but wouldn't let you near him. It could be he has something going on with him, it could also be that maybe he's been criticized while nude and his confidence is low, it could also be that he is very scared. Whatever it is I think you just need to be open and honest in a non threatening and very caring manner let him know how you feel that you like the intimacy time you guys have had but would like to go a bit further and you feel like he's holding back and would like to know why. Explain to him that part of being in a relationship is being open and honest with each other and you feel like you've done that and now it's his turn. Let him know because you care about him so much that you needed to be open with him and talk it out. I think anyone would appreciate that approach I know it's going to be hard but you seem like a confident person I'm sure it'll turn out okay. Good Luck! :)
    liz28's Avatar
    liz28 Posts: 4,662, Reputation: 1034
    Ultra Member
     
    #5

    Sep 17, 2008, 04:16 AM
    As mention early he might just really be scare even though he is aware of your situation. Your condition is probabaly stuck in his head and their might be that thought of what if? Also, maybe he is a virgin. You should communicate with him on how you feel because he only knows why, nobody else.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
    Expert
     
    #6

    Sep 17, 2008, 05:33 AM
    You have had a while to make the adjustments that are necessary to deal with your situation, but he has not.

    It's a red flag though, that he refuses to educate himself. Seems like your talking and he is listening(?), but there is no positive action as a result. Hmmm! He has a few issues to deal with.

    What is his reason for not having sex?? If you don't know, then maybe I gave you credit for communications, that isn't there yet.
    hjpan's Avatar
    hjpan Posts: 902, Reputation: 29
    Senior Member
     
    #7

    Sep 17, 2008, 08:43 AM
    Seems like he lied about his friend from AIDs... with the sexual relationship.

    I think you needs to have a sit-down talk with the whole situation.
    Samgeisinger's Avatar
    Samgeisinger Posts: 11, Reputation: 1
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    #8

    Nov 22, 2008, 10:27 PM

    I think that you need to talk more to him about this woman that had aids because he might have just been her good friend or it could have been way more maybe you should go get tested togeather as a couple because that might be better for you to know if he has aids because I'm sure you don't want that and that's cool that your open about you havein herpys most people arnt and you really should think about that couple testing and by the way my boyfriend told me to tell you don't fight over it or make a big deal because it could stress your man out and hert him
    SAMM&TRAVIS

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