[realfather]

I havent seen my son in about 5 years or so even though we live a stone throw away. I have always acknowledged him with each birthday and xmas too. He is seven years of age and my ex partner has a new life as I do too.
I have tried to hide my pain over these years hoping she'd have the decency to come to me at some point and let me have contact and at least give both me and my son rightful son and father relationship, but this has never occured as she is a woman who prides herself on being able to look after herself and the added other fact she has a partner with a new child who also is known to my son as daddy, where as I am known simply as another daddy called Tracy.
I bumped into her today unannounced and asked if we could talk which she allowed for a short period of time and listened to what I had to say which in the main run we both agreed by mutual consent in the best interests we wouldnt want to confuse him or mentally upset his homelife to what he only knows, however what she seems to forget there is another persons feelings involved here and always has been, but obviously she only remembers what I foolishly said to her in the court wating areas that she can explain to him oneday why his dad wasnt around after he found her out to be a liar and cheat obviously an emotional outburst due to not accepting being dumped.
I politely explained I too have a new relationship and new half baby brother for our son as like his other half brothers he knows about due to my twins staying in contact from their home by telephone and some visiting at times?
However I have come to the point over the last few years I need my paternal son in my life and I know I cannot replace the lost valuable time and absence during these moments in both our lifes and try and replace his daddy has he calls him, as I know its all he can relate too due to what has happend and especially my foolishness of loosing touch. I dont expect sympathy or want anybody to feel for me but during the first 6 months of the rejection to the first year I was totally depressed beyond recognition not as though anyone actually cared about that I know, and the days semmed to past quicker and quicker and I felt ashamed and scared he'd never know me then all of a sudden 2 then 3 years then 5 have past?
She was shocked at my turning up in my car and talking to her, but I did my best to be polite, be understanding and to agree with her all that really matters is for Harvey our son to be happy and un-affected. I dont want to ever change that fact and wouldnt want him to be in and out of court because of disagreements as to echo what happend in my previous relationship before her to which she also experienced being my then partner.
And because I am a great dad to my sons I feel this is why she didnt want me to be in his life so he wouldnt depend on me as my other sons do now, and they are 13 years of age?
She left the conversation with I'll email you, which is strange as she now knows where me and my girlfriend live only a stone throw and she has my telephone number which only predicts to me I will get an email stating I dont want you in his life and things are to stay the same.
Even though legally he has my name on the birth certificate and goes by her maiden name!
What can I do, what shall I do, I am not financially in the position to pay legal fees for any disputes and wouldnt wish too if it can be avoided however I fear this might happen as my feelings never have and never will be considered, I am just an invisible 2nd father xmas who passes on presents through a third party each year for birthdays and xmas time?
Please help me or at least guide me to find at least some piece of mind and happiness as I feel I am an emotional wreck :mad: re-surfacing as I get older and wiser through ageing?
Thank you Tracy Alan Bridle
England UK
Tel no: 0044 02380 394338
email: [email protected]

[fredg]

HI,
Look around your local area to see if there are any lawyers that would take this case for you. Since you said you can't afford a lawyer, you might be able to find one who would do it at a reduced rate.
You really need a lawyer to help you decide what to do. Your ex obviously doesn't want you in your child's life. Please try finding a lawyer to get some legal advice.
I do wish you the best, and good luck.

[ScottGem]

The one thing you left out here is what you did about custody in the divorce proceedings. Unless some custody or visitation provisions were made in the divorce decree she is in control since she seems to have been awarded sole custody.

Your only hope of forcing her to allow visitations is returning to court to amend the divorce decree. And that means, at least a solicitor. Not sure how things are in the UK, but you may be able to get at least a free consultation.

[realfather]

Hi there, thanks for your concern, I actually wasn't married to her, we lived together and then she took up with someone new and that at the time kind of destroyed it for me and especially has we had a new born 1 year old boy, however I could have handled that except she was in denile and swore there was no one else and kept making excuses why I couldn't see my son each time I went down to the new house she got from our local council, but in fact she was seeing a new guy and obviuosly as the other gent quite correctly stated she didn't want me in my babies life and wanted to pretend he was the father figure to which he has now ended up to be due to my stupidity?
So you can see this was all my fault and all I wanted to know even after all this time do I have legal rights to my son with contact visitation even though I have been in the background and not actually there in his life, I just didn't want to be to blame for any arguments disputes custody problems etc?
PS, thanks Fred and Scott for your help in these matters!

[ScottGem]

Without knowing the laws on parental rights in your area, we can't answer for sure whether any statute of limitations has passed or not. So we are back to the suggestion to see a solicitor, one knowledgeable in family law. You could try seeing a counselor in Family court or the equivalent.

[realfather]

Without knowing the laws on parental rights in your area, we can't answer for sure whether any statute of limitations has passed or not. So we are back to the suggestion to see a solicitor, one knowledgeable in family law. You could try seeing a counselor in Family court or the equivalent.

Yeah Scott this has helped as Im realising more now that it will be a matter for a solicitor in my area, whether I'll get a free session for the first hour is purely a hope as like I stated Im not a well off financial guy here in the UK as you can probably guess already, anyway as always I thank you all for your time in these matters, and if there is any solicitors who are based in the UK whose specialist subject is family law who wishes to pass some free advice to me on these issues, well... it would really be appreciated honestly and come in handy for me especially if I am to even think about taking this further...
Why oh why do some ladies feel they have the right to use a guy in this way to get the perfect child that they want, then because of a sudden change in hormonal difficiency then think the grass is greener on the otherside and all that matters is to then acquire a much higher level of security for her and the child to surely bring more happiness... yeah... maybe... probally...
But even still do these kind of woman ever really seriously ever think about the long time effects and genuine welfare or real importance of natural paternal parenthood?
Don't they realise the complications it will surely bring when a child suddenly one day actually finds out... sorry your not his son... daughter... we thought it was for the best that you didn't know and had some complete stranger bring you up on a false pretence as though this would guarantee you a future of unlimitted happiness and forever sanctuary??
Wake up world for pitty sake... especially all you vindictive woman out there who don't even give a damm if you child is eating crap or receiving the love and care that any child would dream of, this is why are world is so flaming mixed up and everything is so pre-arranged and phoney to the next.
Its about time somebody out there actually gives the woman of our world a deserved wake up call as our grand ma's and their mums had during the war years when all that mattered was are we going to live, eat, and be with our families again. I hate to say it as there are some ladies out there who are pretty decent human beings and caring mothers, however the new world of advanced TV and film, soaps have completely destroyed any actual quality family time with one another, something every child and family should share each day to maintain respect for our peers and the rest of the family members.
We have too much on offer today, sometimes I think the past had it right in the first place by keeping things a secret or behind closed doors to make everything else seem magical always? Tracy Alan Bridle!

[realfather]

HI,
Look around your local area to see if there are any lawyers that would take this case for you. Since you said you can't afford a lawyer, you might be able to find one who would do it at a reduced rate.
You really need a lawyer to help you decide what to do. Your ex obviously doesn't want you in your child's life. Please try finding a lawyer to get some legal advice.
I do wish you the best, and good luck.

Thanks Fred for the advice, Im beginning to sound like a scorned man who hasn't got over my past bad experiences but let me assure everyone this isn't clearly the case its just I feel there's not enough justice in the world for the average decent guy who loves his children with all his heart, that's all something so simple to understand, please accept my apologies if I have upset anyone by moaning about my new concerns has this has just occurred after 4-5 years after seeing my beautiful boy who is now 7 and don't even know me, or more importantly know someone else out there watching loves him more then anyone else in the world, that's all!

[blueeyestwenty]

Why oh why do some ladies feel they have the right to use a guy in this way to get the perfect child that they want, then because of a sudden change in hormonal difficiency then think the grass is greener on the otherside and all that matters is to then aquire a much higher level of security for her and the child to surely bring more happiness...yeah...maybe...probally...
But even still do these kinda woman ever really seriously ever think about the long time effects and genuine welfare or real importance of natural paternal parenthood?
Don't they realise the complications it will surely bring when a child suddenly one day actually finds out...sorry your not his son...daughter... we thought it was for the best that you didnt know and had some complete stranger bring you up on a false pretence as though this would guarantee you a future of unlimitted happiness and forever sanctuary???
Wake up world for pitty sake...especially all you vindictive woman out there who dont even give a damm if ya child is eating crap or receiving the love and care that any child would dream of, this is why are world is so flaming mixed up and everything is so pre-arranged and phoney to the next.
Its about time somebody out there actually gives the woman of our world a deserved wake up call as our grand ma's and their mums had during the war years when all that mattered was are we going to live, eat, and be with our families again. I hate to say it as there are some ladies out there who are pretty decent human beings and caring mothers, however the new world of advanced TV and film, soaps have completely destroyed any actual quality family time with one another, something every child and family should share each day to maintain respect for our peers and the rest of the family members.
And what about the dead-beat fathers who are absent for most of the child's life and then randomly decide they are ready to "play daddy" to a child who doesn't even recpgnize their face. You "son" has a happy, stable life. He has been fine without you, why now? You said before it was your fault, you chose to walk away, you chose not to fight for your son...So why now? Don't fix something that isn't broken.