[fjsmith81]

Ugh, so I generally try not to talk about me. Well, you know what I mean, I don't give the personal information about things that really bother me, because generally things don't really bother me. I am so the type to break up with someone if I know a relationship is stagnant and never look back type of person. But, here comes the but. There is one relationship that I can never get over. We met when we were in college a few years back. I contacted him and we rekindled our relationship, but I broke up with him after about nine months of rekindling because I live in Indiana and he lives in Cali.(two different worlds basically) I am usually fine about breaking up with someone because I move on very easily, but this one, this one does something to me. I think about him at least once a week. I am not lonely because I really do have someone to fill that void, temporary guy (but he knows that he is just temporary). I told Cali guy, I will call him Cali guy, that I have school to concentrate on, but for some reason tonight I decided to call and then text him. That is so not me. Why did I do that?? If I told my friends they would have a field day with me. So I am telling you forum. I don't know what I am asking. I don't know if I am just trying to vent. I have a straightforward answer for everything, but for this one I am totally lost. And yes, he does love me, marriage and children were very much discussed. Maybe I don't want to give up my goals. He is a struggling filmmaker that I think is brilliant, but I am a finance major that doesn't want to end up barefoot and pregnant while my husband is waiting on his big break. Is that selfish? But he is the only man that I have loved like this, but at the same time I believe that you can have many loves in your lifetime. I need to shuffle through this mess that is going through my head or at least find someone to help me to.

[JBeaucaire]

Love isn't smart or dumb. It just is. Love happens on its own and has a power of its own. Love is a motivating force.

But that's where the romance ends. After that, you have to live in the real world. You can love and WILL love many people in your lifetime. You will never forget any of them. You will never get over (not really) any of them. The love you feel for all of them will BE part of you forever.

But you have to live in the real world. The guy you love the strongest (so far) may literally BE the worst "match" for you. Why? Because love is ignorant, it doesn't care about facts or needs or babies or retirement, it just IS.

So, you have to be smarter than your heart. It is a Hollywood concept that tricks us into thinking the person we love the most is our destiny. It's romantic, but it's a simplistic idea that is devoid of real-world considerations.

This is your life to live. Your life WILL take on a form based on the choices you make. If you are going to make whole-life choices, you need to decide what to base them on:
- Feelings of love - over which you have no control whatsoever
- Judgments of compatibility - over which you have complete control

I have loved 4 women in my life. My first was the strongest, my third was the wildest, but the last has been the best because it was based on SO MANY right things coming together, we have given ourselves every chance at a fun, permanent life together. 23 years and counting...