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    turtlegirl's Avatar
    turtlegirl Posts: 151, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    May 10, 2006, 12:32 PM
    Friend poached another friend! Advice?
    I had never had this feeling before, but last summer I felt like one of my friends was poaching another, as in they were going to be friends with each other INSTEAD of me, not in addition to me. A series of events happened in a few days (friend #1 supposed to come early to help with my housewarming party but not coming until after midnight, friend #2 being the first to leave the party; it getting back to me the next day that they were gossiping about a party they weren't even at; me seeing them out together a few days later when neither had called me) and I was upset and told them both to f off. When I apologized and explained they wouldn't have it and now we're not friends.

    Problem is, they never really let me explain why I was upset (things happened before that week, too). I was friends with these women for years, ups and downs, letdowns, good and bad times and it crushes me to think that they apparently don't think as much of the friendship as I do. I KNOW if tables were turned I'd want an apology and an explanation, but for me once you're in the inner circle, you're in. Everybody screws up, just don't make a habit of it.

    Part of me wants to get a chance to at least be heard in terms of why I acted the way I did. Another is ready to just let the firnedships die, but it's like I got broken up with no closure. And I can't get it. And one of them I work with and the other is in my sister's wedding with me.

    Any ideas would be MOST appreciated!
    Wildcat21's Avatar
    Wildcat21 Posts: 3,582, Reputation: 435
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    #2

    May 10, 2006, 03:14 PM
    FIRST!! Where the hell have you been young lady??

    Let it cool down, if they are real friends, they would understand almost anything.

    I've blown off a few parties recently and my friends have been really bent out of shape, but they get over it big time.

    Wait a week or two and then go for coffee or lunch.
    Wildcat21's Avatar
    Wildcat21 Posts: 3,582, Reputation: 435
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    #3

    May 10, 2006, 03:16 PM
    Also - did they have a legitimate reason?? Maybe they were with a guy? I've blown off some big function I nthe last year because I'd rather spend time with a gal.
    love and be loved's Avatar
    love and be loved Posts: 34, Reputation: -2
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    #4

    May 10, 2006, 03:27 PM
    No affense but it sounds to me like you are taking this a little to hard
    They have been gating along relly well lately and have been hanging out a lot no big deal
    There will be times when you and one of your friends will hang out together more then you and your other friends it will pass

    And I don't blame them for being pissed at you that was a relly mean thing to say for just hanging out with some of their other friends for a week

    Good news is yes every on makes mastakes and your friends will get over it
    So don't get to upset if they are your real friends they will understand and forgive you
    Just let them cool of for alittel and then exsplan to them why you said ot that you are relly sorry and would just like to move on and try to forget about the hole thing

    Hope this helps ang good luck
    turtlegirl's Avatar
    turtlegirl Posts: 151, Reputation: 1
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    #5

    May 11, 2006, 06:07 AM
    I didn't mention this happened in October. And now they are BFF. They met through me, they didn't even like each other before and they wouldn't even know each other if it weren't for me (one was a roommate, one a friend fromwork). It just hurts.
    turtlegirl's Avatar
    turtlegirl Posts: 151, Reputation: 1
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    #6

    May 11, 2006, 06:09 AM
    Wildcat...
    I've been busy! That was the summer, this is the school year. And YAY I have a really wonderful great healthy thing going with a suitable young man. For almost 8 months. I hope you and your 'gal' are doing well.
    fredg's Avatar
    fredg Posts: 4,926, Reputation: 674
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    #7

    May 11, 2006, 06:13 AM
    Hi, turtlegirl,
    If you can't talk with these friends about it, and they won't listen to what you have to say, then move on.
    Friends come and go, and we are very, very lucky when we find a friend that turns out to be a "lifetime" friend. It does happen, but not all the time!
    I do wish you the best, and remember; always SMILE. The Smile shows you like yourself, and others will like you, too.
    Wildcat21's Avatar
    Wildcat21 Posts: 3,582, Reputation: 435
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    #8

    May 11, 2006, 09:03 AM
    Hey Turtle - I know, I know, the school year.. . so what about this new guy?? Youngster again?? Please share.

    I am with a new wonderful woman. And she is one hell of a woman. Beautiful, smart as hell, fun as hell, sexy. Almost 2 months. Still figuring it out.
    Jayjay027's Avatar
    Jayjay027 Posts: 153, Reputation: 31
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    #9

    May 11, 2006, 11:24 AM
    I suggest you sit them both down and tell them how you feel.
    As far as they can see, they haven't done anything wrong, and they will continue to think that way until you tell them how you're feeling.

    If then they still don't want to include you, then they aren't worth your friendship, and you should move on.
    turtlegirl's Avatar
    turtlegirl Posts: 151, Reputation: 1
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    #10

    May 11, 2006, 02:09 PM
    So Wildcat, he's everything good. He's in school and works two jobs so I don't see him much, but he's superfun and intelligent, thoughtful and generous, funny and sensitive. And he liked me for almost a year before we got together but he never said anything because he thought I was out of his league. Things are great, and yes, he is 25. 26 next month. What can I say? And we did absolutely everything wrong according to the books. Sometimes you do everything right and it goes all wrong. Looks like we did everything 'wrong' but the important stuff was right on, so it's working... :)

    Glad your new gal situation is good, but I have to admit I'm curious about the previous. Games?
    Wildcat21's Avatar
    Wildcat21 Posts: 3,582, Reputation: 435
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    #11

    May 11, 2006, 03:16 PM
    Previous gal just didn't work out and I am really glad (way wrong for each other - big pain) - maybe you remember what I went through - but had several months of just dating which was good. Sometimes you don't see the forrest through the trees until after the fact.

    This woman is awsome, but it's still early.

    Even Wildcat does things wrong... I am great at helping others and 97% of the time know almost exactly what's going on, but it's harder when it's you. Hell that guy John Gray who wrote Mars - Venus I heard was married 4 times. Dr. Phil I heard at least 2. Couple others as well.
    Krs's Avatar
    Krs Posts: 2,906, Reputation: 320
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    #12

    May 12, 2006, 12:24 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by turtlegirl
    I had never had this feeling before, but last summer I felt like one of my friends was poaching another, as in they were going to be friends with each other INSTEAD of me, not in addition to me. A series of events happened in a few days (friend #1 supposed to come early to help with my housewarming party but not coming until after midnight, friend #2 being the first to leave the party; it getting back to me the next day that they were gossiping about a party they weren't even at; me seeing them out together a few days later when neither had called me) and I was upset and told them both to f off. When I apologized and explained they wouldn't have it and now we're not friends.

    Problem is, they never really let me explain why I was upset (things happened before that week, too). I was friends with these women for years, ups and downs, letdowns, good and bad times and it crushes me to think that they apparently don't think as much of the friendship as I do. I KNOW if tables were turned I'd want an apology and an explanation, but for me once you're in the inner circle, you're in. Everybody screws up, just don't make a habit of it.

    Part of me wants to get a chance to at least be heard in terms of why I acted the way I did. Another is ready to just let the firnedships die, but it's like I got broken up with with no closure. And I can't get it. And one of them I work with and the other is in my sister's wedding with me.

    Any ideas would be MOST appreciated!

    My belief in a very close friendship, is that 3 is crowd, it's a simple as that.
    When there are 3 it doesn't mean its always bad, but sometimes, 1 is always going to feel like d odd one out..
    That's why I only have 1 best friend only 1, and the others are just mates. Coz I've been there before, same situation as you, as it was me too who introduced these old friends and then the tables turned and kicked me up d a** and it hurt, so I learnt from mistake.. never have 2 bestfriends...

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