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naomy · Sep 8, 2008, 08:58 AM

So I'm posting another question here. I've been married for 1 1/2yrs & having problems like, I'm not in love with my husband and stuff...

I got married to my husband because he is an amazing guy. Although, he is mormon... I am too mormon but I am it because of him. I thought I could get through this by studying the religion but seems like it is really hard. My husband doesn't get mad or anything if I don't go to church but he'd be sad.
We had a serious conversation about me quitting being mormon then he was really upset & started crying & stuff. He eventually said "you can quit, but I have to tell my family about it..." So I was like OK... it's going to kill his family! I told him he doesn't have to so we still go to church & church related stuff.

I love him & I can stay in this marriage but being mormon without any faith is hurting me. I want to do things on Sundays, I want to drink alcohol occasionally, I don't want to go to church for 3 hrs, & one thing I hate the most is I'm not going to be a good wife, if I can't like this church. I want my husband to be happy, he deserves it. But killing my feelings towards to church is killing me inside.

I wonder if anyone is in a same situation... I'm tired of being mormon...

StaticFX · Sep 8, 2008, 09:07 AM

Not the same situation. But in my opinion, if he can't love you or be with you for WHO YOU ARE. Then you need to move on. If he is really a believer in god, then he WILL NOT JUDGE YOU for drinking. (and is that even a sin? I don't remember).

I could never do it. My wife is kind of religious, she goes to church sometimes, our son was baptized. But I do not go to church, nor do I really even believe in god. (Id like to, but I am the type that needs proof.. that a whole other topic). But really, I don't think it should matter. If he can't be with you because you don't go to church... then he is not the right guy for you.

Good luck!

naomy · Sep 8, 2008, 03:04 PM

Originally Posted by StaticFX

Not the same situation. but in my opinion, if he can't love you or be with you for WHO YOU ARE. then you need to move on. If he is really a believer in god, then he WILL NOT JUDGE YOU for drinking. (and is that even a sin? i dont remember).

I could never do it. My wife is kinda religious, she goes to church sometimes, our son was baptized. but i do not go to church, nor do I really even believe in god. (Id like to, but i am the type that needs proof..that a whole other topic). but really, i dont think it should matter. If he can't be with you because you dont go to church... then he is not the right guy for you.

good luck!

Thanks, "StaticFX" The thing is my husband is really really religious but doesn't make me go to church, but still seems upset when I don't want to go, kind of like put me through a guilt trip. I believe in general idea of God but mormon church is too much work to keep up with. He'd definitely be super upset if I ever drink... sigh, I guess I have to tlak to him again, don't want to hurt him though...

talaniman · Sep 10, 2008, 08:41 AM

You both have adjustments and compromises to make. Actually, communications is what allows you to make rules, and boundaries, for this relationship, not the church. It really doesn't matter what others think about how you live, does it? Why even tell them??

plonak · Sep 10, 2008, 11:05 AM

I hope I'm not making offense to anyone, but I believe that Mormonism is like a cult, and I strongly disagree with it..

If you feel like it's not your thing, you shouldn't have to do it.. You should had never married him if you believed you weren't going to be into the morminism.

This is a hard thing to deal with, but he's just going to have to accept it.. you must know, his family is probably going to disown him for it.. but be strong and do what you believe

naomy · Sep 12, 2008, 12:42 AM

Thanks,"plonak" I don't know if mormon church is true or not, because I've never died & seen anything so I can't say it's a cult. I thought I could handle it when I was getting married but apparently, it's not that easy.
I talked to my husband about how I feel, he seemed upset & kind of numb then went to bed without telling me.
I'll keep trying... to make him feel better about it... I wish he wasn't a mormon... sigh

stevenLee · Sep 12, 2008, 12:49 AM

No one can always keep in a good mood. So does the marriage. You should promote your interest in more and more things and make your life colorful. Sometimes, just keep silence may be one way.

blue_st4r · Jan 4, 2009, 04:07 AM

Why is religion more important to him than you? Why is he so much into this? He is better off marrying a mormon if that's what he wants. He cannot force you to be someone with blind faith nor can he brainwash you.

compsavvyimnot · Jan 4, 2009, 04:24 AM

Stop feeling guilty about it.
He chose to get into the marriage without you being a Mormo. He's trying to put his guilt on you.
Go find another church, one that can build your faith, not be saddened or angered by it.
The Word does not say drinking is a sin, being a drunk... yes. There is a difference.

N0help4u · Jan 4, 2009, 11:55 AM

I agree with compsavvy
He is trying to guilt you for appearance sake. If your heart is not in a religion it is not doing you any good. You need to tell him that you need to grow spiritually where you feel right. You can't go somewhere that you feel is smothering your beliefs.
Doing things to please people does not please God.

amberissmiling · Mar 17, 2010, 11:01 PM

A person has to go through several steps to become a member of our church to negate this very thing. If you were baptized that means that you had all of the classes leading up to it, all of the interviews and said "yes, this is what i believe and this is what i want to do". The teachings and ideas of the church couldn't have shocked you. You should have said something in the beginning, then you wouldn't be in the mess now.

Regardless of what you did in the past, how you feel now is important. If you don't want to be a member of the church, then don't be. But understand that the church is still as important to your husband as it was before you married him. If you're doing things contrary to church teachings, he's going to be upset. I feel bad for the both of you, but pretending isn't helping anyone. Being a member, you KNOW how important it is to those that are faithful. I wish you luck, but I'm afraid it'll end badly. Sorry, just my honest opinion.