Hi Everyone,
I don't know the purpose of this post- perhaps it's just to vent or look for support.
I made a few posts about a month ago about the demise of my relationship.
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ml#post1196716
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ow-248056.html
Since those posts I have moved out and gotten my own loft and have been desperately trying to move on and deal with the breakup. The only problem is every week or so my ex will send me a text or MSN asking how I am, how my move went etc etc. I normally try to ignore her or keep my responses very short. However, yesterday she pulled me into a conversation that went in a really bad direction, for me.
She asks me how I'm doing, how the new place was and how my trip was, then she say's she doesn't want me to see her as some sort of monster. I told her that I don't see her as a monster I just can't talk to her right now as emotionally I didn't have time to prepare for the breakup like she did and as such am still coping. Then, we start rehashing the entire relationship. I explain to her that discussing 'us' is pointless because it always goes in the same direction (me saying this whole breakup was a mistake and her saying that it's for the best). I try to explain that all that happens is I inflate her ego by having what feels like a schoolboy crush on her while I lose all my dignity. She says that this whole situation is less than flattering and how she feels horrible- but that she couldn't see us fighting for another 50 years being together.
She then goes into how she couldn't find a spiritual connection with me anymore because of the way *i* became and how *I* changed the last year of our relationship. She also goes on to say that she needs artistic inspiration in her life and she was not feeling it with me. This really stung because I gave her money to build her studio so she could do what she wants to do plus I've accomplished a fair amount artistically myself and have a large portfolio of press that I've been in for my artwork... even a cover of a magazine. It felt like she took all that away with her comment about her not finding inspiration with me. I may not be so into now as I'm working on other aspects of my business-- but it's still there.
I tell her that the last 2 weeks of or relationship destroyed me and I was disappointed that she was able to sit there and watch me crumble before her eye.
(a quick recap: immediately into our break an old ex made contact with her and she then became very secretive and was lying to me about going out with him for coffee etc and she was txting 'someone' like crazy. I confronted her on this when it happened and she said nothing is going on-- she is just trying to find old friends to hang out with. )
She told me she had to keep it a secret because I was acting crazy and I did the exact opposite of what she asked for when she wanted space. She tells me she was trying to be 'discreet' about it because of my behavior. I can't get this 'discreet' comment out of my head. I'm almost positive that she was/is messing around with this person and while in my mind I had that as fact- her 'discreet' remark made it so much worse- like she was confirming it. I don't know why it makes a different now-- but it just does.
During the conversation she says how she was a crappy girlfriend and that our lack of intimacy should have been a sign for us that it was time to end it. This also upset me because we had discussed the intimacy issue on several occasions and she just said it was not in the mood to stress etc etc. Now, I feel like a total shmuck because I ate up that excuse and continued on.
I ask her why she finds the need to talk to me- and she says that we were together for almost 10 years and that I am a big part of her life and while she understands we can't be best friends- she'd like for us to at least be civil and that a lot of divorced (we were never married) couples stay civil. I thought we were being civil.. I hadn't spoken to her I just started doing my own thing.
The conversation ends with her saying that she feels bad and that maybe one day I will be in a situation where I can understand what she did what she did.
Ever since that conversation yesterday all I can think about is the 'discreet' comment or anything else out of my mind. I feel like a total zombie.
I understand No Contact and will be more strict with it moving forward.. but I still have that conversation in my head and it's not letting up. Everyone around me was telling me how good I was doing with all of this and now I feel like total garbage. It feel easier dealing with the breakup in my head as I can make it what I want to cope-- but when the actual ex steps in it wrecks everything you've built.