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kilikina02 · Sep 3, 2008, 09:17 PM

When my daughter was born I didn't list a father on the birth certificate. At the time I was not sure who her father was and I'm still not. She is two months old and my boyfriend and I have decided to get married. Is there a way he can be added to the birth certificate even if we are not sure he is the biological father? And if so how do I go about changing her last name to his.

lndianskin1 · Sep 3, 2008, 11:15 PM

PLEASE DO NOT TAKE THIS THE WRONG WAY. WHAT I'M ABOUT SAY IS FROM MY HEART TO YOU, SWEETHEART.

1. I'm going to assume that your fiance' is willing to sign this Birth Cert.

2. Yes, you can add his name as the father and he can also sign the birth Cert. stating he is the BIOLOGICAL father. That is something you two must think about.

3. When you two go to sign the birth cert. the people that will help you, will know how to instruct you two as far as changing you baby's name, (court, hearing, etc)

4. If you two decide to do this, ponder on the repercussion of you child finding out later. Believe it or not, a person will always want to who their biological parents are, NO MATTER WHO RAISES THEM

5. You are aware that your fiance' can legally adopt the child as his own. You are going to have to go to court anyway to change the last name.

6. Food for thought: If you go through with this, are you going to eventually tell the child or keep it a secret? Remember if you stay truthful from the beginning, the child will always want to know who her real daddy is, no matter how good your husband to be, treats her. If you decide not to tell her the truth ever, How long do you think your conscience will allow you live with that.

7. Please don't wait until later to find the child's father. It will disrupt your child's life, your life and the biological father life. He may be married with children and then hear you come with the disruption.(I've been though this already)

I say this in my humble opinion, sweetie. I can't help but to think about YOUR child in this situation. At the end of the day, please listen to me, That is YOUR child, YOUR blessing. Don't let your husband to be, convince you to not find out the paternaty. He should love you anyway. Don't reget later not finding out. Even if the possible fathers are no good.

I hope that helps without me sounding judemental, because I'm not trying to be.
Have a blessed day.

Synnen · Sep 4, 2008, 06:09 AM

Get a DNA test done to find out for sure before you start any sort of process.

jcs1107 · Sep 19, 2008, 06:21 PM

We live in broward county Florida my daughter is 7 years old Her father has never been involved with us and is not on her birth certificate I am getting married and my boyfriend
Wants to adopt her How do we do this ?

ylaira · Sep 19, 2008, 06:32 PM

You have to get married at a least a year before your husband can adopt her. You have to know first who is the father get paternity test and have his consent.

Do things right the first time you do it. It's hard to patch things up when everything is compounded by a mistake and another mistake.

liz28 · Sep 19, 2008, 06:59 PM

Does your boyfriend know that there's a chance that he might not be the father? If so, I think it's fair to inform him because you two get marry if he doesn't because he needs to know that if will be legally responsible for that child until the age of 18 regardless if your split up. Get a DNA test.

Fr_Chuck · Sep 20, 2008, 08:15 AM

The only proper procedure would be to name the possible fathers, have them tested by DNA to determine who is the father. Then you get them to sign over the rights to your new husband after you are married.

fjsmith81 · Sep 20, 2008, 08:35 AM

Originally Posted by jcs1107

we live in broward county florida my daughter is 7 years old Her father has never been involved with us and is not on her birth certificate I am getting married and my boyfriend
wants to adopt her How do we do this ?

Legally, it could be done, if you tell the courts that you don't know who her father is, then the process will be quicker and they will let your fiancé adopt her. But let me tell you if in like five years he decides that he wants to be a father, and he finds out what you did you can be in a world of legal trouble. Because at the end of the day he is still the biological father, and unfortunately dead beat or not they have parental rights as well.

MORALLY, I would suggest telling the courts the truth. They will in fact make you take a DNA test to determine if he is the father. Then he will have to relinquish his parental rights, after that then your fiancé will be able to adopt her. I know that this process can take a lot longer and it can get quite messy if the father decides that he doesn't want to relinquish his rights, but it is the right thing to do. What Indian said is right, no matter who raises you you always want to know who your biological father is. I think that you would do a great disservice to your daughter if she finds out in the future. (In instances like this it sounds like you would try to hide the truth from her) Let me tell you, although her father may be a deadbeat now things can change in the future. Her father may turn out to be great with her, and I don't know the background on the situation. You know like if he left you or you left him and hid her or something like that. But if you don't go this route it doesn't matter how happy a home you and your future husband has made for her, she could end up resenting you. So protect yourself, and do the right thing.

div2wice · Sep 22, 2008, 07:01 PM

jcs1107 >> I have never heard of that law, needing to be married 1 year before he can adopt. We got married and the adoption was finalized in the same year, months after our marriage. I would check with FL state laws to be sure of that.

kilikina02 >> The best way to handle this is gather a list of names of the men you were with, and see if they can take a DNA test. THEN you have to convince the father to sign over rights. I would not just put your boyfriends name on the BC, its illegal and can cause lots of problems. Doing it the legal way will be some work, but it is worth it in the end. Personally, it is up to you whether you tell your daughter or not. A lot of people have given me trouble about not telling my daughter, but each case is specific and different. I do agree with IndianSkin, she was being incredibly caring in posting this, don't let your boyfriend try to make you not find the Dad. It is important to notify the Dad that he does have a child, if he finds out later, and finds out that your boyfriend adopted the child without his notice, it could get UGLY.

Lori
Child Adoption | Step Parent Adoption | Domestic Adoption

lndianskin1 · Sep 23, 2008, 11:28 PM

Judy

I was NOT giving legal advice silly.

I said "2. Yes, you can add his name as the father and he can also sign the birth Cert. stating he is the BIOLOGICAL father. That is something you two must think about."

And the way... Yes she CAN do that stating HE IS THE BIOLOGICAL FATHER. She has already told us that the boyfriend is NOT the child's father, damn. I was telling her that is something they will need to think about. The girl is not stupid and I'm sure she can read. IF HE SIGNS THE BC JUDY HE SAYING HE IS THE BIOLOGICAL FATHER. I was trying not to sound judgemental. If you bother to continue reading you will see that I then told her that the boyfriend can adopt the child as his own. :D

JudyKayTee · Sep 24, 2008, 05:06 AM

Originally Posted by lndianskin1

judy

I was NOT giving legal advice silly.

I said "2. Yes, you can add his name as the father and he can also sign the birth Cert. stating he is the BIOLOGICAL father. That is something you two must think about."

And the way.............Yes she CAN do that stating HE IS THE BIOLOGICAL FATHER. She has already told us that the boyfriend is NOT the the childs father, damn. I was telling her that is something they will need to think about. The girl is not stupid and I'm sure she can read. IF HE SIGNS THE BC JUDY HE SAYING HE IS THE BIOLOGICAL FATHER. I was trying not to sound judgemental. If you bother to continue reading you will see that I then told her that the boyfriend can adopt the child as his own. :D

First, there is no need to shout - which typing in caps is.

Second, I stand by my post. It is illegal in some States to claim you don't know who the father of your child is when, in fact, you do know.

Third, stop PM-ing me.

JudyKayTee · Sep 25, 2008, 07:03 AM

Originally Posted by fjsmith81

Legally, it could be done, if you tell the courts that you don't know who her father is, then the process will be quicker and they will let your fiance adopt her. But let me tell you if in like five years he decides that he wants to be a father, and he finds out what you did you can be in a world of legal trouble. Because at the end of the day he is still the biological father, and unfortunately dead beat or not they have parental rights as well.

MORALLY, I would suggest telling the courts the truth. They will in fact make you take a DNA test to determine if he is the father. Then he will have to relinquish his parental rights, after that then your fiance will be able to adopt her. I know that this process can take a lot longer and it can get quite messy if the father decides that he doesn't want to relinquish his rights, but it is the right thing to do. What Indian said is right, no matter who raises you you always want to know who your biological father is. I think that you would do a great disservice to your daughter if she finds out in the future. (In instances like this it sounds like you would try to hide the truth from her) Let me tell you, although her father may be a deadbeat now things can change in the future. Her father may turn out to be great with her, and I don't know the background on the situation. You know like if he left you or you left him and hid her or something like that. But if you don't go this route it doesn't matter how happy a home you and your future husband has made for her, she could end up resenting you. So protect yourself, and do the right thing.

It is a crime in some States to either list someone you know is not the father or not list someone you know to be the father on the because.

And the other aspect of this is if the child develops a hereditary health problem and there is a need for transfusion or transplant and people are looking at an alleged father, instead of a biological father - very dangerous, indeed to say nothing of foolish.

zawatska · Sep 29, 2008, 04:27 PM

I am in the process of having my "biological" father tested to see if he's my dad. I'm 20 and have never known him. As a victim of a father walking out on me, I think you are very selfish to not try to find out who your babies father is. Think about the child, not you. Are you worried that your current boyfriend will leave you if he finds out he's not the father? Your child will notice that there is no resemblance to your boyfriend, that of course if he's not the father... you can't keep that a secret.