[orange]

Is it considered ethical to have contact and/or establish a friendship with a counselor or therapist after treatment is complete? Why I'm asking is because we now live on the same block (just 2 houses apart) as a counselor I saw for 3 years. Since we moved here, we've been friendly with her and her husband; gone over there for coffee and chatted in the garden, like typical neighbors. They are an older couple, and both are now retired. We have considered having them over for dinner. But then someone raised the point about whether it is ethical or not, and I'm not sure. Nothing inappropriate has ever happened between us. Thanks for any input.

[Cgirl]

I would think it is perfectly fine to be friends with someone who you PREVIOUSLY saw for counseling, I don't think ethics has anything to do with it, I just think it may be weird if you were currently seeing her, for you, but since you are not, then go for it. It's hard to find people in this world you can connect with.

[giggles]

I don't know if I agree with Cgirl here at all. I think it might be pretty impossible to have a social connection with someone I had seen for professional help in dealing with emotional issues.

I only think this because the role of each (client/counsellor) has been established, albeit in the past. No matter how much you might appear to connect with each other, this pattern of how you first knew each other is always in the way. And there is an immediate imbalance.

This person knows intimate things about your life and feelings: things that you now choose whether to reveal or not to people in your life. This person has seen the detangling and unravelling of you, and has seen you grow into the person you want to be. I don't know if it's possible for you to ever have a social relationship with this person. It may feel a little too raw or exposed, but it is definitely too "knowing".

Well, that's my take on it anyway. And co-incidentally, when I read this, two friends were sitting on the sofa, who happen to work in a shelter. We had a discussion about it, as one of them is also training to be a counsellor. They concluded that no matter how much the lifestyle/choices of the former client are now more akin to that of the carer, they still would not find it an equal start to a friendship and would not like to know them at all in the future. They said it just didn't feel right. But you will know what feels right for you. Just thought I'd share three opinons here!

[orange]

Thanks cgirl (could not comment on your post, sorry!), aqua and giggles. I appreciate both opinions. That's interesting giggles about you and both your friends sharing the same views. So then would you say that most therapists feel that way, as a general rule? I do hope that more people respond to this thread as I am feeling pretty confused about it right now!

[aqua@home]

Hi Chava,

I wanted to add a few points as to why I think it would be fine. First let me give you an example. When I was a pregnant 16 year old, I joined a group for young parents at the YWCA. Everyone there had a contact person. Someone they could talk to, someone for support, etc. The woman that was my contact and I became quite close friends. The guidelines at the YWCA weren't really set out for friendships to occur but one between us did. In your situation you would not have to worry about this. Neither of us had a problem with it although we didn't tell anyone either. I think it is a very personal choice. It depends on how you both feel about it. I know it probably isn't comfortable but I might talk to this woman about being friends. All of your cards would then be on the table.

The fact that she has seen you progress and grow won't necessarily hinder your relationship. If fact it might contribute to it in a positive way to it. I hope that people in the couselling and psychological fields don't judge their patients. I would think that whatever was going on in your life, she saw just as that. You were a person who had some issues to deal with. We ALL have them. Any good support would realize this. We are not our problems.

As long as she is okay with it, and from the sounds of it she is, then I don't see any problems with it. Please remember that I am not a professional of any sort so I don't necessarily think from their point of view. This is just a regular person's point of view. There maybe something there that I don't see. Personally I don't see why it would have to be that complicated though. I hope some of this made sense. Take care.;)

[jurplesman]

As a retired psychotherapist I have some life-long social relationships with ex-clients that are now my friends. Very often counselling is a two-way learning experience. Besides I view couselling as a teaching exercise, and you can be friends with your teachers too.

[orange]

Hmmmm... so what I gather from everyone's answers so far is that there is no general consensus one way or another. I thought maybe there was some kind of "rule" that therapists went by, but it seems to be based more on personal preference.

Jurplesman, you made a good point about therapists learning from their patients, I believe that is true too. Actually my therapist learned about PTSD from treating me; prior to me she had been treating only people with other anxiety disorders, mostly panic.

Thanks again everyone for your responses. It's really made me think deeply on both sides of the issue.

[kp2171]

Was good friends with a psychiatrist who would never form friendships with patients... hed be cordial and kind, but would not have any friendship. He also had been sued twice, both times for reasons that were ridiculous and absurb, so maybe this was also a defense mechanism.

But then our daughter went to a counselor who was friends with her mother. Not really close, but enough to call her a casual friend.

I think you can extend the "offer" of friendship and see if this person "takes"... if not, id just put it to conflict of interest and no hard feelings.

[genafefa]

Thanks for posting this. I'm still in therapy, so this isn't an issue for me yet, but I recently found out that my therapist goes to the same yoga studio as me and it set me thinking about it.

My therapist said that if I said hello he'd greet me but not introduce me to anyone, for confidentiality reasons. I've been pretty open with people about being in therapy (I think lots of people need to know it's a normal thing to do), so it disturbed me a little. Is it wrong to say "this is my therapist"? I don't think he's going to go blab what we discuss in our sessions, so I'm not really worried about it, but is there some reason that I shouldn't acknowledge a person. Are these his confidentiality issues? Does that violate his space? Obviously I wouldn't expect to hang out and have a coffee or anything.

I should probably just talk to him about it, and will. But would appreciate input.

[jina1d66]

Because its accurate

[DrN]

As a newly graduated psychologist I am also having this same issue to grapple with. I am close to terminating therapy with a client who would like to (and I would as well) keep in contact via email. My gut instinct tells me that this would be appropriate because he has good boundaries and he is not asking to be my "friend" or go out to coffee. Just a way to be able to check in and say hello on occasion.

For the most part I see no problem with this because I think contact with clients after therapy has been terminated is a case by case issue. The therapist really has to decide what that would mean for their client based on what they know of them. For some people having a real true and permanent ending to therapy is actually more therapeutic than it lingering along through contact or "friendship."

I do agree though that I am not sure if it is really possible to be a "friend" to a former client in the sense that you would be friends with someone else. For one, a big part of why therapy is effective is the neutrality or objectiveness of the therapist. To then establish a friendship where you will on some level be invested in the person may taint that experience for them. An important thing to consider from the therapists perspective is: what is my motivation? Is my desire to maintain contact with this person about me or about them and is it really beneficial. For some people, particularly those who struggles with "endings" or "goodbyes" having a solid and permanent ending that is still healthy and positive could be really helpful and maintaining a friendship with their therapist could undermine that.

As far as rules go... from what I know the idea is that during therapy dual relationships are to be avoided at all costs, that's an ethical issue. After therapy is terminated I know there is a "rule" about no romantic relationships for at least 2 years (correct me if I'm wrong) but am not sure if anything has been made into a code of ethics as far as social relationships?

[DrN]

Thanks for posting this. I'm still in therapy, so this isn't an issue for me yet, but I recently found out that my therapist goes to the same yoga studio as me and it set me thinking about it.

My therapist said that if I said hello he'd greet me but not introduce me to anyone, for confidentiality reasons. I've been pretty open with people about being in therapy (I think lots of people need to know it's a normal thing to do), so it disturbed me a little. Is it wrong to say "this is my therapist"? I don't think he's going to go blab what we discuss in our sessions, so I'm not really worried about it, but is there some reason that I shouldn't acknowledge a person. Are these his confidentiality issues? Does that violate his space? Obviously I wouldn't expect to hang out and have a coffee or anything.

I should probably just talk to him about it, and will. But would appreciate input.

Genafefa,
This is pretty normal practice. Therapists will let you know that the way they interact with you if they see you in public is kind of based on your comfort level. So its not about him. He's letting you know he will follow your lead because there is no way for him to know who you are with, what your relationship with them is, and if it will cause any discomfort for him to say hello or engage in conversation with you in front of that person. Also, he is not going to introduce you to who he is with because that would be a violation of confidentiality which stipulates that therapists cannot reveal the identity of their clients to anyone without written authorization/consent from you. So he can't turn to his wife and say "this is my client." I'm sure by now you've talked to him about it but just wanted to lend some help! :)

[N0help4u]

Former psychiatrist
Retired
Neighbor

No problem!

[Mike_2_Help]

In my state statutes and according to the NASW Code of Ethics, as a LCSW, once a professional relationship has initiated, it is unethical to continue any other type of "relationship". Practitioners have had their licenses suspended or revoke for such boundary violations. In fact according to a NASW attorney, if I had one session with a woman, there is NO time when I would be finally allowed to be involved in a romantic relationship. Kind of crazy but that is the ethics and law, "to the tee" anyway.:rolleyes:

[trudger67]

When I saw a professional years ago, she said it was part of their 'policy' that she was unable to pursue a friendship until after a two year period had passed. For however close we were at the time, I have never seen her! I think from a client view, it is easy to bond with a therapist when you are pouring your heart out to them. I also think that they are human and can click with some of their clients more than others. However, I personally think they will always look at me like the client or ex-client, and I will always look at them as someone to get advice from. For me, it is not necessarily the right combination for a healthy friendship. Yet, I think it is OK to do some friendship stuff on a casual basis.